Because They Can

I have a friend that’s doing the whole online dating thing. She was supposed to go out on a date with this guy on the weekend. Two nights before the date, he texts her late at night and asks if she would like to come over. She calls him out on the bootie call invitation, he plays innocent. Then she cancels their date, he gets mad and insults her (something about that’s why he doesn’t date black chicks, which black chicks LOVE to hear), she has a comeback for him, then a racially charged insult-fest ensues.

After texting all her friends a snapshot of the text exchange so we could all have a nice laugh , she lamented why guys still did the text bootie call thing.

Because they can.

Okay. I have to talk about this bootie call thing. Unlike my dear friend, I am not shocked that men fish for this. Guys do it because it works. Some girls will say no. But then there are others who will go for it. Guys are about results. They do what works and then they beat it to death until it doesn’t work anymore. Asking girls to come over late at night works. It just does. Is this the guys fault? Hell no. If no girl ever fell for that BS, guys would stop doing it.

True story.

It’s just logic.

I can’t even be that mad at dudes anymore. In fact I’m annoyed with the girls MORE. Because some lonely, bored desperate chick keeps saying yes telling men everywhere that this is all he needs to do to get laid. Guys do it because they can. And that charmer I mentioned above will likely have some girl up in his house at some point by doing the exact thing he did to my friend. Which was just ask in a text.

Just remember ladies, whenever a guy does something stupid to get into your pants to date you, it’s most likely because some stupid chick let him in the past. It’s our fault. Or he’s a clueless jerk. But 9 times out of 10, it’s the former.

Ask a Bitch!

Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):

How do you get out of the friendzone?

Date someone else. She/he has to see you as someone dateworthy. The only way they’ll see that is if you date someone else and they see their endorsement. I know. Fucked up. If she/he doesn’t care, she/he was never interested. If she/he is, then now you’ve got 2 peeps on your jock!

What do you think of online dating?

I don’t like it. I know it’s judgemental bitchy, but I think people are on there for a reason. And I don’t want to know that reason. They guys are usually very self-centered or super shy and don’t know what the f*ck to do. Or they want to get married yesterday. Not for me. A few of my friends have gotten boyfriends from it while  others have sworn off dating for life the next few weeks. But if there’s a drought in your city, I guess it’s another tool. Just see it as a way to have fun experiences and get your “I’m the bomb!” mojo on.

I am dating a drop dead gorgeous and sexy girl. Problem is, she knows it and loves the attention. One of my friends asked me for her number after I introduced them at a party, which is weird, right? He gave some bullshit excuse. I asked my girlfriend if it was okay and she didn’t want him to have her number. Good. But then the next weekend we got into a fight and suddenly the guy is calling me and threatening me saying how badly I treat her??? She swears she didn’t talk to him or say anything like that to him. What happened?

That guy is not your friend and is probably really ugly since he flipped on you after a pretty girl smiled at him merely because they were in the same room. He will never have your back, in fact you will probably need to watch yours now. Also, your girlfriend’s an attention whore. Good for her. Not good for you.

Sorry to bother you again. But I do need clarification. What if he doesn’t realize how much I like him and then I just disappear? I don’t want it to not work out because he doesn’t know how I feel.

Bitch! Then come out and say I really like you and want to be your girlfriend. Anything other than yes means leave him alone! Please don’t tell me you already slept with that bitch again. No really, don’t email me tellin me that.

I am in a long distance relationship and everything seems to be going perfect. We text and talk on the phone everyday. I think he could be the one! But I’m not sure if he feels the same about me. How could I find out without seeming pushy? My only complaint is that we’ve only seen each other 3 times in 6 months.  I would move halfway around the world for him! He is the light of my life!

It’s not real until you see that mofo EVERYDAY. After that, then decide whether the star, sun and moon still revolve around him. My guess, probably not. Probably more warts than roses. My suggestion is to get a LOT more visitations in before running away with your imagination him. There’s a reason he’s doing the long distance thing and not dating someone in his own state. What’s yours?

If you move, do it at your own financial risk.

***

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.

If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.

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The Mercy Fuck

My self-summary
I am irritated by most people, suffer from chronic major depressive disorder with anxious features and love animals more than I do people.

What I’m doing with my life
Right now I am working like a slave and not at all happy about it. I would like to lounge around in bed all day eating designer cupcakes and planning my next plastic surgery. I’m hoping that you will be able to support me so that I can leave my crappy job and do just that.

I’m really good at
Eating, being sour and “killing eighth grade dreams” (or so my students tell me).

The first things people usually notice about me
That I am agitated and have no patience.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food
Who cares.

The six things I could never do without
Who cares.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
How I…

View original post 1,087 more words

The Chat

Blank avatar. Not creepy at all.

I signed up for Myspace.com about a year ago. They allegedly had a makeover and it was not about teens putting half naked pics of themselves online trolling but about entertainment and your favorite celebrities. After creating the account, I forgot about it. A week or so ago I got mad at Facebook, and recently went back to see what it’s all about. And I had a whole bunch of emails and friend requests from dudes. Which pissed me off. Why? Because they were all telling me how hot I was. I usually love that shit, hell I expect it, but I hadn’t put a picture of myself up there. It was a picture of Nicki Minaj. She had on shades but it was a pic from a magazine. With the magazine name on the bottom. BUT SOMEHOW EVERY SINGLE DUDE THOUGHT THAT WAS A PICTURE OF ME. How fuckin dumb are you? How horny are you? Did your other head obliterate all brain cells in your head? Wow.

Nicki Minaj channeling my inner diva on my now extinct Myspace page.

So I accept some friend requests. While browsing the celeb pages on the site, a chat pops up from one of my new friends. I don’t remember the name. L. Bsomething. No pic. He says hi. So I go with it. And what follows is the most debonair, awesome, eloquent meeting of the minds that got me so hot amused and annoyed bothered that I had to delete my Myspace account. Immediately.

Siderant: I tried for 3 hours to get a copy of this chat (so I could post it here verbatim). But I finally learned that Myspace didn’t have a way to pull up past chats since they just updated their chat feature. So this is from memory.

Moksie: Hi.

Lbsomething: You’re hot.

Moksie: I know. But that isn’t a pic of me. It’s Nikki Minaj. From a magazine.

Lbsomething: Why no pic of you?

Moksie: Not sure if I want to be on Myspace yet.

Lbsomething: Where do you live?

Moksie: Where do YOU live?

Lbsomething: Florida.

Moksie: We don’t live in the same state. Even if we did, I wouldn’t be coming over.

Lbsomething: Why not?

Moksie: That’s not how I roll. I don’t need to meet dudes online to get laid.

Lbsomething: How big are your breasts?

Moksie: I can tell you’re a breast man by the friends on your page.

Lbsomething: Yeah.I like breasts. What’s your bra size?

Moksie: What if I told you I was flat?

Lbsomething: That’s okay. You have a nice ass.

Moksie: I didn’t say I was flat. I just wanted to know what you would say if I did. And that picture is still not me.

Lbsomething: I want to fuck you.

Moksie: You wish!

Lbsomething: Come over.

Moksie: I still live in another state.

Lbsomething: I want to stick my dick inside you.

Moksie: I wanna know how big your bank account is.

Lbsomething: It’s really BIG.

Moksie: Like 7 digits big? Or six? I need a digit. Because I’m not a saltines and ramen noodles kind of girl.

Lbsomething: I have a lot of money. GET OVER HERE SO I CAN FUCK YOU.

Moksie: I’m sorry but I don’t fuck losers who troll Myspace for ass. Have fun with your hand and your other friends on Myspace.

He then ended the chat. And un-friended me. And after figuring out that the chat was lost in cyberspace forever, I deleted my myspace account. Because a girl can only take so much sexual harrassment romance and seduction.

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