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All posts for the month April, 2013

How to Get the Gifts You Want From Your Man

Published April 29, 2013 by bossymoksie

This video was inspired by a few friends of mine that complained after Valentines Day about the gifts they received, or didn’t receive, from their guy. And just about any other time my friends were expecting gifts from guys.

I always ask, ‘What did you tell him you wanted for Valentine’s day?’

They reply in variations of, ‘I told him I didn’t think it was important, surprise me, give me what you want, or it’s not that big a deal.’

NONONONONONO!

Obviously it was a big deal if you are complaining and rethinking the whole existence and basis of your relationship based on the gift you got!

Basically you LIED to him. And now are upset at him. So I created this video to save both of you the pain and suffering that is caused when dudes give you crap gifts on holidays, or nothing at all! Enjoy.

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Why the Internet Casanova Was Successful

Published April 22, 2013 by bossymoksie

Have you heard about this story?

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/video/nabbing-internet-casanova-18945450

Professional mooch, Ray Holycross, would meet women on Plentyofish.com and eventually rip them off.

He would ‘charm’ them, then come up with some sob story of how he lost everything (he was mugged was the most poplular story he gave) and next thing they knew, he was living in their house/apartment and they were paying all the bills and more. Then he would disappear and they would discover he stole some shit and some learned he was cheating on them the whole time.

I have some serious questions I need to address here:

How does a residence get mugged?

How does a job get mugged?

Okay maybe there were other lame stories he told them (that they aren’t sharing on the news) that got him in their houses and wallets. I want to know what theses stories are!

Seriously! I wanna know what he said so I can say that shit too.  I need to know how this conversation went down!

Because it would NEVER EVER EVER end with  me saying ‘Here, use my car, house, and my money darling.’

If you have two hands and two feet and a brain, you can handle yo business. You are a grown ass man. Hell, I know men who don’t even have all that who can still pay for their own shit.

So why was he successful?

They said he was charming, attractive, they were fooled, he was smart, they really believed him, he was their knight in shining armour, their prince charming, they felt loved.

what you talkin about willis

Cut the bullshit.

Okay first of all, one of the requirements for a knight in shining armour/prince charming is that he has a big fat wallet. Or at least his own wallet. So stop kidding yourselves. Let’s get real for a minute.

This guy is a grade A douche. We all agree. But let’s break this down, because we know what he really took advantage of is your fear of never finding someone to love you or share your life with. Yeah its sad and shit and not a pleasant feeling, but you just made your life sadder by hooking up with this fool.

Because when women get desperate and afraid, they will twist reality into something they really want. That’s not how “The Secret” works ladies! That’s called being delusional and, sometimes, a sucker. You were lonely and desperate and wanted something you didn’t have fast. Even for a price. Literally.

One woman said she just wanted to believe that someone loved her so much. This is what I meant about women just making shit up, even though it’s not the reality, due to their own doubts or personal question marks. Another woman even admits that she learned to listen to her gut in the future, because obviously her gut was telling her that something was wrong with this one. But she wanted to pretend feel like she was in lurve so she continuted on with the charade until he was done with her…and her money.

This desperate delusion was how he got to move in and get access to their credit cards/bank accounts. When women activate this state, they will sometimes act like the guy is someone who has their back and is a real partner early on in the relationship, even though the guy hasn’t proven that to them. Because she wants to be part of a couple so badly, she is willing to play the role and hope that the guy does the same in return.

No honey, men don’t work that way, they take and enjoy and keep it moving. Especially in the beginning. They chalk it up to their ‘game’ and general awesomeness as to why you are giving them everything with the kitchen sink. You know when men think that you are solid as a couple? When they feel like it. When you are actually a real couple. Do you know when men think you are a team that is there for each other? When you’ve actually been through some shit and have BOTH been there for each other. This doesn’t happen in a couple of days.

If you meet a bitch online, date him for two months or less (in some cases he was moved in after a few days), you do not offer him access to EVERYTHING just because you want to pretend that you two are already the best couple ever. Calm that shit down.

Let him earn that. MEN LIKE IT! Please remember this. And don’t let your fear of being alone and superpowers of lying to yourself  let you forget it in the future.

One woman, who supported him for a over a year, gave up her house for him and her underage daughter had to move in with the father. Wow. Just wow. That’s the power of deluding yourself. Ladies, you deserve the real thing.

The Question Mark

Published April 21, 2013 by bossymoksie

Yes, I waited until a full fucking week passed to write this post. But here it is.

As referenced from my previous post, I wanted to explain this question mark concept. Short version? The question mark equals doubts of a relationships. But I wanted to talk about the difference between guys and girls when it comes to the question mark, and warn some of you guys about it.

In the dating scene, men pretty much have one goal in mind and one motivation: to score.

Women have a million reasons to hook-up, get married, get in a relationship, get a man’s attention, date, etc. This is what some might call (I’m looking at you, Kenny) crazy girl logic. As you may have guessed, some of these reasons have nothing to do with you, or even wanting to have sex with you.

Men have a single mission and it’s to get laid, for the night or on the regular. Women have many missions, so many that we can’t even keep up with them sometimes! But they all usually mean one thing.  We just want to feel good! We want the things we want, exactly how we want them. Or else! And sometimes we will settle for much much less while lying to ourselves that we actually got what we really wanted.

Why do we have so many reasons for dating? Because of our own personal question marks!

If guys have a question mark about a girl or his life, it’s obvious (at least to outside eye) because he’ll be pretty shitty in the relationship. He knows that he doesn’t want much more from her and will do the mixed signals dance until the girl gets sick of it and leaves, or until he meets someone he is sure about. I would even say that guys don’t really do question marks, because they figure out pretty fast whether or not they want more from a girl and take things from there. As time goes by, they will learn whether they still want more, or if they are cool where they are.

Girls have question marks. Girls will talk themselves into some shit. Girls will talk themselves out of some shit. Girls will straight out make shit up!

The good news is if the question mark we have is about solely about you, then you have a chance to turn it around. Be confident, and be smart about compatibility. Give her an experience. Make sure you are clear about who you are and what you want from her, and from life. Your job, should you choose to accept, is to change that question mark to a period or an exclamation point. You like it, don’t be scurrred.

Why is this bad news for guys?

If you are looking for just a hook up, it won’t matter. In fact, this will probably give you an advantage.

If not, just be aware: if a woman has a lotta question marks about herself and what she wants out of life, you are shit outta luck. Because whether you get her or not, is related to this question mark and how she wants to not deal with it. You are a distraction, or a band aid for this thing she is grappling with. As soon as she figures out the answer (which you won’t be the answer), she will be done with your relationship and whatever life you created together. The end. Because she went out with you, and stayed, for the wrong reason. She basically talked herself into being with you because of some question mark she had for herself. I’ve noticed that women are more prone to use dating relationships as a distraction or faulty solution for other issues in their life or within themselves.

While guys will string you along, girls will still make shit official.

Most men wouldn’t make big commitments with you on purpose if they aren’t sure about you. But women will hunker down, set up camp and have 2.5 kids with a guy and still have doubts about him and why she is with him. She will commit and put on a good show. Hell she’s gotta sell it to herself, and she wants an Academy Award. Until the day she wakes up and realizes that she needs to face her questions, or gets her confidence up, and suddenly wants to get far away from you. And then you are standing there, alone, asking, what the fuck just happened?

Why do we do this? Because girls date for other reasons that stem from our own personal question marks. Sometimes that multi-tasking thing us girls are better at bite us all in the dating ass. And not in the fun way.

And P.S.-  this is another reason why you guys shouldn’t take rejection so personally. It could have everything to do with you, your game, or your looks. Or it could have nothing to do with you at all.

RELATED POSTS:

Why We Went Out With You

Why We Rejected You

When Boys Attack: Story 3

Published April 14, 2013 by bossymoksie

Back to our regularly scheduled program before you male bitches start getting big heads.

This is a story I had written about before, in the early days of my blog as it was going down. I wanted to give the full story because it amuses me how things went down between me and this guy. You don’t have to read my previous post on this guy to watch the video.

A few things.

I’m not doing any theory in the video. If you want my thoughts on why you shouldn’t half ass ask a girl out, you should read this.

I also mention how I don’t go out of my way to help this guy in asking me out. You can read why I don’t do that shit here. Dear ladies, notice how even though I was semi-rooting for this guy to succeed, I still didn’t go out of my way to make this date happen. I am not the one to play hide-n-go-seek-a-date with a guy and I’ve already written the perfect example of why you shouldn’t.

Lastly, I introduce the concept of ‘the question mark’. I did go into detail but I edited it out because I wanted to focus on the story. I will write a post about this concept later this week.

Enjoy!

Link Lovin’: What I Love About Men

Published April 10, 2013 by bossymoksie

I know I like to talk alotta shit about mistakes guys make.

It’s funny.

Sometimes I wonder who has it worse in the dating game (not really) because some of us ladies can be pretty crazy.

But let me take a moment to talk about a few things that I love about men.

1-Shit talking for bonding.

I think it’s cute how guys bond with other guys usually by trash talking each other and talking shit. I also think it’s cute when they do it with women. Some women can’t handle this and their ego’s would prefer to be given praises and compliments all day and night. Which is also nice and boring.

2-Stepping up.

Guys have that bad rap of just following their penises and not thinking before acting. It’s hugely sexy when a guy steps up and does something that is right for someone else, or for the situation, even though he clearly wants to be a really really naughty boy. When you see that restraint it’s so sexy. I dunno why: it’s not about being a doormat, which is unattractive and boring, I think it has something to do with being a good leader, and capable of seeing the bigger picture. jmo.

When women step aside or make sacrifices, they may give monologues about it to anyone who will listen because we’re encouraged to share every fucking feeling. Guys not so much. There really is something to that strong silent type. Yum.

3-Action oriented.

Sure there are times I wish you bitches had thunk first (see above). But I admire the do, do, do. No matter how annoying or lame it may get sometimes.  It’s the best way to learn and make mistakes, and I know it’s not always easy.

4-Best Cosmetic Ever.

While us women tear ourselves apart and make a sport out of picking other women apart, men tend to focus on what they find to be good and beautiful about us.

No matter what great new expensive shoe you have on, or perfect hair day, or favorite lip gloss or mascara you may be rocking that day, they all have nothing on a guy telling you how gorge you look tonight. Ironically, most of us ladies use all that crap to get such compliments and ego boosts from men. It’s a vicious cycle; one I don’t mind playing in!

Maybe that why the cosmetic industry makes so much money!

5-Lastly I love that they have a weakness for me! 😉

Friday’s Featured Blogger – Bossymoksie

Published April 5, 2013 by bossymoksie

I was interviewed by fellow comedic blogger Essa Alroc. I have given her a few shout outs on my blog in the past, since I am a fan. If you read my blog for the humor and brilliance, then you should definitely check her blog out. But for now, check out my interview with Essa about my fantabulous blog! Or else.

Essa On Everything

bossy pic

Subject: Bossymoksie
Location: A Radio Station in Los Angeles

 

I arrive at a radio station just outside LA. I was supposed to by interviewing Bossy at her place, but when I arrived, I was told that she flew into a rage and stormed out to go confront the radio host Dr. Laura.

I arrived at the radio station only to learn she has beaten the conservative talk show host to death with a hammer and has hijacked her show.  I give her a thumbs-up through the window and she waves me in as she takes another call.

“I’m talking to Lisa, from Washington. Lisa, go ahead.”

Lisa’s voice booms from the headset I have just put on. “Yes, I’m pregnant with my fifth child. My husband just recently told me he wants me to go back to work after I have the baby because he can’t support…”

“Let me…

View original post 1,566 more words

Why I’m Avoiding Serious Relationships

Published April 3, 2013 by bossymoksie

Real talk time.

I’ve been wanting to do this post for the past two months but I’ve been procrastinating which is how I like to roll. (P.S. Why is thinking about serious, deep shit never fun? It’s never fun to sit around and have your soul start talking shit to you that you’d rather not hear. It’s much better to do…anything else. I guess if keeping it real with yourself was more fun, more of us would be doing it more often. This is why alcohol and loud music is so handy sometimes. That and a trail of guys willing to be nice distractions whenever you call.)

reality meme

Ugh…real thoughts.

After my big break-up and my cash-cow funny crash and burn date, I wanted to sit and think about what was really going on with me. It’s occured to me that I really don’t want a serious relationship. It’s not like I need to date 6 guys at one time to feed my ego. My ego is already big and is easily fed in almost any other situations. I like seeing one guy at a time, and I like knowing that someone will be there when I want attention, and the idea of sharing your life with someone who knows you and everything else that already happened is appealing. Isn’t the latter what friends are for though? But when a guy starts his serious settling down talk, I want to do this.

What you say?

What you say?

Why do I have that reaction? Most of you know all the shit I talked about marriage and settling down, and how I’ve run away from a few proposals. But like any smart bullshitter person, you can really make an argument for whichever side you feel like being on that day.

So what’s behind all those brilliant posts of yesteryear?

I paid attention to all the wifey wedding crap my girlfriends talk about whenever the subject of boys comes up did an informal poll. What I realized is what pops up into their minds when it comes to marriage is way different from what pops up in my mind. Lemme show you.

WEDDINGS

THEM: A huge, glamorous wedding where everything is perfect and beautiful (meaning yourself) and everyone wants to be you. This day will be THEIRS perfect.

All eyes will be on me, or they will all pay.

All eyes will be on me, or they will all pay.

ME: Planning a huge party where you don’t even get to get wasted at, having to invite people you try to avoid most of the year and knowing these bitches are gonna try to hijack YOUR party to make themselves seem important and relevant because deep down they know they suck at life.

Who asked you to come anyway? Oh yeah, I did. Damn.

Who asked you to come anyway? Oh yeah, I did. Damn.

BABIES

THEM: Babies who smile, laugh, and be cute all the time.

Awww. So precious...in a 2 dimensional picture.

Awww. So precious…in a 2 dimensional picture.

ME: Babies who cry and shit all the time and YOU have to do something about it.

Oh. Dear. God.

Oh. Dear. God.

INTIMACY

THEM: Always having a date whenever you need one.

date night

We ordered the same food, aren’t we so in sync and in love?

ME: Never having a date again. EVER.

staying in

Umm, what about that ‘Dateline’ show? Oh, it’s repeat. Kinda like this night.

THEM: More romantical and cuddling moments to come forever and ever and ever.

romantic couple with rose

This rose is a symbol of the purity and beauty of us, and our forever love.

ME: Forgetting that the other person exists, even though you live with them.

reddit wife meme

Why even get married???

KIDS

THEM: Kids that say the darndest things when out in public.

smiling kids

“[Love is] Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.”

ME: Kids who throw a tantrum everytime you go out in public to handle your business.

kid tantrums

Hey kid! It’s my job to throw a tantrum on the floor when I don’t get what I want.

Now you can see why I feel offended, sometimes even hurt, when the guy who says that he loves me wants to do this shit to me. WHY? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY WOULD HE WANT TO DO THIS TO ME?!

My life is the one that’s gonna change! His, not so much. Sure he gets the awesomeness that is me. And when the actual baby shit hits the fan, my smart ass will have a smart quip or solution for it.  But what is he giving up besides not sleeping with other chicks. Which we all know some don’t even keep up on that ONE sacrifice.

MY life is the one that’s gonna change in a big, unpleasant way. You can call it growing up and being an adult and shit all you want. Well, I don’t wanna. So there. There it is. And if you think I’m bossy now, wait until the responsibilities start rolling in. When I order my BLT salad with a side of Ranch AND Honey Mustard dressing and extra Avacado on the side with a half and half mix of Sprite and Strawberry Lemonade, that’s not just a lunch order, that’s a sign of things to come. You’ve been warned.

Last note on fears.

One. Kids are just fucking scary! There was a time when you worried about accidentally killing your own child by doing something wrong. These days you have to worry about your kids killing YOU and everyone they know. And you know who everyone truly blames. Gun laws. THE MOTHER. Talk about a red face! Too soon? Even if they don’t go postal on the world, the teenage years are never a picnic. They think they know everything when they know squat. I will literally roll my eyes at them everytime they walk into the room because I know they will be saying stupid shit as though they are some geniuses. And I would know!

Two. I am more afraid of this than the first fear: Boredom. Couples get busy, you get into routines, you get complacent. So then, no more spontaneity? No more adventure? No more discovery? That’s it? For most women, marriage is the endgame. But I think of it as the end…of living.

zombie girls

We will eat your brains and you will join us in talking only about baby formula and your husband’s favorite socks.

If marriage is the end all and be all, that’s all there is?

wasteland car

I sure as hell ain’t ending up here!

Scary.