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All posts for the month July, 2012

Don’t Put Me On Hold!!!

Published July 31, 2012 by bossymoksie
So there was a time in my life last year where life was a crazy confusing, alcoholic mess. My friend situation was shaky, my man situation was, well always the same, and the money situation was out of control. I needed a moment of clarity. So I went to the park to look at the grass and contemplate life like they do in the movies.

Instead I just daydreamed about fruity drinks and accidentally running into Harry Shum Jr. at a friends party or something. My reverie was interrupted when a fine young gentleman approached me, basketball in hand. He introduced himself, lets call him BBall, and wondered what I was doing there staring into space. He was playing basketball with his friends and noticed me, of course, so he came over to say hi. We exchanged numbers.

The next night, he calls me. And we’re talking and flirting, when he says, “I’ve gotta put you on hold.” Then puts me on hold. Okay. Is this bitch at work?

When he returns, I ask, “Are you at work?”
“Yeah. I work the night shift. It’s really slow here though.”
Okay…this doesn’t sit well with me. You cannot even call me on your free time, you have to wait until you are at work and bored as fuck and get me out of the way like you are paying a bill or doing some chore like researching that professional hair dryer you always wanted??? Like I’m just another check on your fucking to do list?! But I continue the conversation. Well, I try to because then he interrupts me.
“I have to put you on hold again.”
Oh, HELL NAW!
Now we are getting off the phone because I am not the one to be sitting here on hold for your ass while YOU’RE AT WORK. I could be doing something else right now. I didn’t get off an IM chat with my friend who was telling me a juicy story while reading celebrity gossip just so that your ass could PUT ME ON HOLD all night. I’m important and got important shit to do, and you are not respecting that.

Why even bother to call me? That’s right, I’m just a convenient toy that you can put on hold as you please. I don’t think so. This is our first phone call, and I should have your undivided attention. You can’t even attempt to give me that now, I know you never will especially when I am talking shaving tactics and sharing my friend’s juicy stories. I’m obviously not even important enough to get a REAL phone call from you, I already know how unimportant I will be if I continue interacting with you even after you get what you want.

When he returns, this time he was gone a bit longer, I tell him, “Maybe you should call me back at a more convenient time.”

“What? No I never really get that many calls here.”
“Well, I don’t like being put on hold, so we should continue this when you get out of work.”
“It’s not that big a deal. Really, I won’t get anymore calls”, he insists.
“I’m busy, call me later.”
“So it’s like that?”
Then there’s a beep. “Wait, hold on,” he says.
“Bye!” I hang up.

He never called back. Ever.

I learned an important lesson in the park that day. Sitting around and pondering the things of life is a waste of time. Nothing was resolved. Instead, just go out there, be awesome, and show the world who’s boss.  Also, getting picked up at the park is no different then getting picked up at the club. And I’d rather be clubbing.

Ask a Bitch!

Published July 28, 2012 by bossymoksie
Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):

I need to Ask A Bitch a question, but I can’t blog on it. I got a married chick who definitely wants the Hot Beef Injection, but she reads my shit and I’m trying my hardest not to be that type of dude anymore. I am attracted, I like her husband, and it’s killing me because I see her 2-3 times a week. She seeks me out and you’re the only one I know who would have the insight to help, so please do so. You can answer in your blog, or here, but help me figure this out before I do something that will ruin their marriage. I’m not instigating, but if she comes after me, I am only human (and male) If she doesn’t stop, I AM gonna fuck her.

I don’t know what her deal is but you already know it’s wrong and a clusterfuck, which is why you’re asking! Whatever excitement it is that she’s giving you, find it somewhere else like porn or skydiving, and fast, and then limit your contact with her, even if it’s with a cold shoulder. Otherwise you will be that guy. Or just be honest and tell her you don’t want to be that guy, if she doesn’t care, then she really just doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but herself and doesn’t care who she pulls down with her. Check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self.

I went out on a date with a cute guy and I think he’s cute but wasn’t sure if there was anything else was to him. Well, the following Tuesday I saw him with his EX at a grocery store! (I know both of them, he said they were over!) And they didn’t look over. WTF? I just hid away and now ignore his calls. Should I confront him? Tell her?

Hell yes! Preferably at the same time and watch the fireworks fly! I have a feeling that his ex/girlfriend probably knows he steps out on her but still clings to him anyway.

I’m soooooooooooooooo upset about Kristen Stewart ruining Robsten! With a married man! What was she thinking?

She wasn’t. Besides, you don’t know RPatz. He could be bad in bed.  He could be cheating on her too. He could be a crocs lover. He’s just a fantasy to you and not the second coming so simmer down and don’t get your panties in a bunch.

MY bday is coming up and I’m having dinner with friends. My boyfriend-ish says he will make it but I don’t think he’ll make it. He flakes out a lot. He sounds iffy about it. How can I make sure he goes?

You’d be riding together, duh! If he makes up an excuse as to why he can’t, he just doesn’t want to go. Also, he doesn’t give a fuck about you. Enjoy being single at your birthday party. I dare you to kiss as many hot guys as possible. Trust me, it’s fun!

How bout dem digits.

How ’bout you get a dictionary and then go outside and hit on whatever walks by (I’m sure you already do.) I don’t do online hookups.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.

If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker Leave Me the Hell Alone!

Published July 25, 2012 by bossymoksie
cupid's arrow

Keep your damn arrows to yourself.

I hate it when friends/family/nosy well-meaning strangers want to play matchmaker. I was visiting a girlfriend last month when guy friend of hers came over. And of course he was interested. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. It was all in his eyes. He seemed like a ‘nice’ guy, which as you know, is a turnoff. He was okay. I wasn’t looking for a replacement for Mr. Okay. I needed Mr. Anything Else But Okay. Before he came over, she was telling me how she’s this genius matchmaker (they all say they are) and great at pickin guys out for her friends (which I’ve never witnessed). Lo and behold she selects this guy. She calls me the next day, all excited, and says that guy wanted to see me again the following weekend.

What was your process dear, that he walked into the room? Nice discernment you got there. But if I were that desperate, I would already be with someone, let alone wouldn’t have gotten rid of Mr. Okay in the first place.

 Girls People just assume that because you’re single you are sad, lonely, and desperate. Maybe some of YOU are but I actually enjoy being single. I like the freedom. I’m cool with it, I have hung with my single self and I like it. What I hate about 99% of most alleged, self-proclaimed matchmakers is their ‘reasoning’ that you will automatically be attracted fall madly in love with anyone who is…wait for it…also single! Wow what matching skills you have! I am so amazed. You should do this for a living! Yes! We are a match made in heaven!!!!!! That’s all it fuckin takes! That pisses me off so much. Did you take into account any of our interests or personality traits? Or how much money he has and is willing to spend on me? Or what either one of us likes to do in our spare time? Or how we feel about flourescent swim trunks? What kind of matchmaking is that?

Just because you like me and you like your friend doesn’t mean we will like each other, let alone want to sleep with each other. Got it? Good.

The only matchmaker that I would ever let set me up is Patti Stanger. And I know you’re not surprised that she’s the ” Millionaire Matchmaker” with her own TV show. Even then, I would take it with a grain of salt and a side eye.

Weekend Getaway Recap

Published July 24, 2012 by bossymoksie

Not bikini weather.

The trip went really well! Although I begrudgingly admit, that spending 72 hours straight with someone probably isn’t a greatest idea in the beginning of a relationship, if I can even call it that at this point. But who am I to turn down free drinks, a beach, and an excuse to get the fuck out of my town? We definitely were better acquainted with each other after this trip!

We went to Ocean City to hang at the beach and etc.(and I think he wanted to be close to the casino’s in Atlantic city).
We hit the beach, a few bars, and tried putt putt golf (drunk of course!). The weather was not cooperating enough for my hair or my bikini but we did not mind spending some extra time in our room. : –

When he hit the casino, I was was happy for the free fruity drinks and played cheer-a-leader while he gambled. It was the only ‘break’ for me and him from our undivided attention to each other. Everything is cool when you are napping in bed the partially clouded sun together, but then there are those moments on the boardwalk or the restaurant, where the awkward silences come in. You know those awkward silences, when the person you’re dating is new and you’re not sure if it’s silence because of lack of interest, or lack of shared interests, or you just both so sick of fucking talking that you’re brain is fried (or just hazy from booze). You treat awkward silence in this situation like a fart; pretend it never happened and just keep going! Most silent awkward moments were smoothed over by the alcohol running through my veins and sometimes, a quick joke.

In conclusion, the trip went off without a hitch because I was drunk buzzed 90% half of the time. He is fun even when we were doing the cliche dinner dates so I figured it would be a good time. That and because all I had to do was show up and have a good time, which is how I like life it.

Life should always be at the beach, with a drink in hand. This is my take-home lesson.

Ask a Bitch!

Published July 21, 2012 by bossymoksie
Bossy Moksie having fun.

Can’t get enough of this pretty mug can you???!!!

Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):

Dating someone else gets you outta the friend zone? That is ass backwards! What a crock of BS and game-playing! (Which you say you hate so much!)

Calm it down. It’s not just about wanting something someone that is wanted by other other people. I have a friend and his confidence has changed now that someone else is paying attention to him. Dare I say, I’d do him now. I’m not a stealing boyfriend bitch because I already get too much attention, but dang, he’s attractive now. You tell me why people change once someone is interested in them??!!! (That was rhetorical, I already know why.)

My ex wants another chance? Should I?

I need more information. As a general rule though, you broke up for a reason. If that reason hasn’t been fixed, keep him/her at the curb.

Does the friend zone thing work if you are a female that’s crushing on a guy?

It could. But if he hasn’t already tried to sexually harrass you or  take you off the market, most likely he never will.

I’ve been meeting tons of guys on line. We talk on the phone and text and chat online. But when it comes time to meet, they flake out! Is this how online dating works? How come no one actually wants to meet up?

They are married (or otherwise unavailable). That or they realized you weren’t an easy lay (which also means they are emotionally unavailable). Don’t spend too much time ‘chatting’ before a date. Besides, don’t you wanna see how much, or little, they resemble their profile pic before you start attaching your hopes and dreams yourself to them!!!

I am happily married. But there’s this beautiful man, a vendor, who comes into my job and we’ve been really flirting, getting at each other. He’s married too. And he asked me out last week. It would be fun! It could be innocent. It’s just nice to get that attention from someone else. I want to go but a part of me thinks I shouldn’t. I made up an excuse but the door is still open. What’s your take?

Shut the door and get that attention from your husband. If he doesn’t want to give it to you, then let him know you will be getting it somewhere else and see how he reacts. He shouldn’t like it and should step up or give some sob story as to why he’s been ignoring you.  A woman has attention whore needs too!

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.

If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.
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