when boys attack

All posts in the when boys attack category

When Boys Attack: Story 4

Published May 11, 2013 by bossymoksie

I was innocently checking my email one day when I recieved an email from a male acquaintance that was out of town. Well out of the country. His email read:

Hey, would you ever date a guy like me?

???????????????????????????

I wrote: Do you know who you emailed? What’s going on over there?

He wrote: Yes, I do know who I emailed. LOL. Things are great over here I just thought I’d ask and stop torturing myself.

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAT…

THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…

FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK?!

A little backstory. Met him through a family member and this is a really, really, solid, standup, good guy. The real deal (as far as I know). He has helped my friends out a lot. We just thought he was a good guy. I even offered to go to lunch with him (him paying of course) and my friends and I invited him out to a few things so that we could all hang, and not just have him around when we needed something. He declined. Okay. Shit. Not gonna force you to hang out with me us, especially if you just wanna give favors. Sometimes I felt like he would actually avoid me when we were in the same room together as a group.

So how do I respond? I’m just gonna be honest cuz, fuck it it’s the best policy.

I wrote: This is random, that’s why I asked. I honestly never thought about it. You’re a ‘good on paper guy’.

He wrote: Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. I was gonna holla at ya sooner but you and your friends were dissing *DOUCHEFRIEND so hard when he asked you out so I backed down.  I was talking to a friend and told her that you’re cool and fun but don’t take shit from anyone and she told me to not wait and go for it if that’s what I feel so I thought why not and that’s why I emailed you. Don’t wanna make you uncomfortable, just wanted to put it out there.

I wrote: LOL at DOUCHEFRIEND. You know his ass deserves to be joked! I’m not uncomfortable, it’s just out of the blue from someone who seemed to avoid me. Anyway, like I said I don’t think of you in that way.

And because I’m nosey and wonder what the fuck kind of logical reasoning this guy has I write:

How come you never hung out with us when we invited you?

He wrote: I was too shy and weighing the pros and cons. I’m used to girls making the first move but the ones I’m interested in I get too nervous and think I’m not good enough.

Okaaaaaaaaaaay, so he finally wracked up some nerve when he was  halfway across the FUCKING GLOBE. That’s what it took to ask me out? A few continents and oceans between us? Funny how you want to be close to someone but you stay as far away from them as possible. And why would you admit that you don’t think you are good enough? If you want a sympathy vote, fine. But it does not make a woman attracted to you or interested in wanting to know more. In fact, for me, it makes me want to run the other way because I don’t want to deal with other wacky, random behavior that may pop up from your not thinking you’re good enough.

He is a good guy. But his dating approach has turned him into the nice guy, and you know how much I love them. I think one thing that pisses me off about the dating game and approach from guys is how are you gonna do everything else but try to CONNECT to the girl that you want a connection with? And they say girl logic is crazy.

My reply?

I forgot to. Until now. Because he is back in town.

I’m curious as to what advice some of you would give this guy. Yes, I am asking YOU.

*nickname inspired by personality

When Boys Attack: Story 3

Published April 14, 2013 by bossymoksie

Back to our regularly scheduled program before you male bitches start getting big heads.

This is a story I had written about before, in the early days of my blog as it was going down. I wanted to give the full story because it amuses me how things went down between me and this guy. You don’t have to read my previous post on this guy to watch the video.

A few things.

I’m not doing any theory in the video. If you want my thoughts on why you shouldn’t half ass ask a girl out, you should read this.

I also mention how I don’t go out of my way to help this guy in asking me out. You can read why I don’t do that shit here. Dear ladies, notice how even though I was semi-rooting for this guy to succeed, I still didn’t go out of my way to make this date happen. I am not the one to play hide-n-go-seek-a-date with a guy and I’ve already written the perfect example of why you shouldn’t.

Lastly, I introduce the concept of ‘the question mark’. I did go into detail but I edited it out because I wanted to focus on the story. I will write a post about this concept later this week.

Enjoy!

When Boys Attack: Story 2

Published March 26, 2013 by bossymoksie

I’m used to a few cat calls and some honking when I’m walking down the street. But for a guy to pull over, roll his window down, and then try to holla at me is so After-School-Special-meets-Lifetime movie. It makes me completely uncomfortable and I literally shut down.

Let me add that I have post traumatic stress syndrome from this scenario. A dude once pulled over, rolled down his window to ask directions and then told me he had a gun. Nothing happened (he wanted money and I had none), but it’s enough to make me never want to speak to a dude in his car EVER AGAIN. Or anyone else.
Even if I’m with other people, I will literally hide behind the other friend(s) (yeah, I’m the George Constanza of the group). Even if it’s an elderly couple driving that pulls over. Even if it’s a family packed in a minivan filled with kids. In fact I am MORE suspicious of those scenarios and think they are trying to Ted Bundy me. I don’t care, I don’t like it, and I won’t be having it!
Last year, as I walked to the store, a  car slowed down and a guy asked me if I was registered to vote. I yelled “Voting sucks!” and ran the other way. (He did remind me that I needed to register though).
A few months  ago, a dude rolled up to me and said that he wanted to tell me I was beautiful. I didn’t look at him, crossed my arms  and kept walking. “Thanks”.
He said some other stuff, something about making me something or giving me something, but I was too busy concentrating on looking like I was ignoring him to hear. “No Thanks” I said when I could tell he had stopped talking. After a moment he told me I was beautiful again and then sped off. Charming.
I can’t speak for most girls, but I will anyway. It’s a little creepy and uncomfortable. I also can’t help but think you have nothing better to do with your time then drive around and pull over to random girls walking down the street to buy some Debbie’s fudge rounds groceries like a fucking pedophile approaching children with candy.

When Boys Attack: Story 1

Published March 14, 2013 by bossymoksie

The other night, I received a mysterious voicemail message on my phone. The call was made at midnight and I was busy getting my beauty sleep on so it went straight to voicemail. I did not recognize the name on the voicemail message or the phone number, which had a Los Angeles area code.

Hmmm.

After accusing another male friend of playing a prank on me I ended up texting the mystery caller after a day of ???? in my head. (Sidenote: All my guy friends are trained to not call me after 10:30 pm. That’s me time. Or sexy time with someone else.)

ME: Who is this?

GUY: It’s Birthday Cake Boy*. We met at Townhouse. Sorry for the late call.

Okaaaay. Some of you know I moved from Los Angeles to the boondocks the  east coast a year and a half ago. Plus I visited Los Angeles in December.  I don’t remember this Townhouse place. I do remember getting a several free birthday cake pieces from birthday boys at several parties my friends and I crashed while we were out drinking. So that narrowed it down. But I did not remember which guy. I didn’t remember any of the guys, just the cakes.  Strawberry cake, neopolitan cake, yes there is such a cake!, a german chocolate coconut cake…

ME: I’m clueless. What month or year did we meet?

Birthday Cake Boy: You’ve been to Townhouse more than once? It was in 2011.

20-fuckin-11! RANDOM.

ME: All I remember is that I went to a lot of bars in LA, had a lot of drinks, and got hit on by lots of guys. Is Townhouse really that special that I should remember it?

BCB: LMAO. I see you’re a wanted woman. Townhouse wasn’t so amazing that night. It’s a karoake bar.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Now I vaguely remember which night it was. I was wearing a hat and there was a birthday boy that let my friends and I eat cake and run. The Veejay was also hitting on me hard and even serenaded a song for me in a mock proposal. I just remember that THAT guy was not attractive. Compared to him the Birthday Cake Boy was cute. That’s all I remember, I can’t even picture their faces, just my opinion on them.

ME: Maybe I will just have to hear your voice so I can remember. I can’t talk today but we can catch up later this week. That is if you want to catch up and weren’t calling for a booty call.

BDB: LOL. ok. I hope no man would bluntly say I called for a booty call.

ME: Stranger things have happened.

Like a mofo calling you in the middle of the night TWO YEARS AFTER GETTING YOUR NUMBER.

BDB: LOL. Indeed.

I really just want to talk to him, flirt with him and then announce that my fine ass had moved across the country.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Booty call that!

But it will only be hilarious if that’s all he’s after.

Stay tuned!

*name obviously changed.