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All posts for the month May, 2013

A Note From Your Bossy Blogger

Published May 28, 2013 by bossymoksie

I don’t know what it is about the word ‘anniversary‘, but whenever it is associated with something in my life, I lose interest.

Or maybe I’m just full of shit.

At any rate, wish I could say I was busy having the longest one night stand EVER, or was whisked away to a foreign country by a wealthy heir or won the lottery and am sitting by the pool drinking margarita’s, but none of it would be true. Except for that very last part.

I’m still around around vaguely thinking of you when I’m sober enough.

I still have posts and thoughts I’d like to write and so I will when I am motivated or bored enough. I am thinking about other ways to entertain myself you guys with my blog and have been brainstorming and working on that. I am also taking a time out to peacefully and calmly contemplating the general direction of my life in silence with my favorite bottle of tequila and lime.

When I started this blog, I had all this fire and ammo against these dudes that were so lame, but now that fire has been quenched. I don’t care anymore. That could be the alcohol talking.

So sit tight, I may or may not return.

There’s Science Behind Attraction

Published May 19, 2013 by bossymoksie
cute girl on top of cute guy

Blame it on the biology

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all hear about biology and how it affects our mating rituals. I was browsing Netflix the other week and it suggested a documentary “The Science of Attraction”. I thought, ‘why not?’ and watched. It attempts to blame explain how biology influences our dating bullshit with science. So in no particular order, I will highlight the things that I remember  in case curiousity bit you in the ass like it did me:

-We are attracted to voices! I know, not very original. The explanation; A  deeper voice indicates that a man has more testosterone and higher voices in women indicates that the woman has more estrogen. Men in more primitive cultures with deeper voices usually get the most women and have the most children and become leaders.

-Men are more cocky and aggressive in dating because they have to be. The survival of out species depends on it, ya’ll! If men don’t get out there and think they are God’s gift to the world, there would be no sexing going on, and no procreation. At a speed dating event, they surveyed the participants to get their perspectives on how the night went. Most of the men felt like most of the women wanted them. Meanwhile, most of the women doubted any of the guys were interested. From the science standpoint, men can’t afford to have the same perception that the women had of the event whether that’s the reality or not.

-Guess what men find most attractive on a women? Not boobs, not ass…wait for it. It’s the waist to hip ratio! When men had to study figures and pick the ones that were most attractive, they more likely picked the ones with a good waist to hip ratio whether or not boobs and/or bootie were present.

-Women’s voices get slightly higher and skin looks better and brighter while they are ovulating. It’s nature’s way of tricking alluring a man into thinking she is young and healthy and chock full of estrogen. No Loreal required! (Or not much anyway).

-Smell is a factor. They showed a few studies on this, but I remember when women smelled the sweat of family members on T-shirts, they were repulsed. They said it’s nature’s way of making sure the cave woman didin’t accidentally sleep with a cousin in the tribe. Also, when men smelled a certain compound that comes from the vagina, they thought every woman they saw was attractive. (Forgot the name of this compound.)

-Women are just as likely to cheat as men are. In fact, when a woman has a significant other (boyfriend, husband), they will dress more provocatively and dance sluttier when out with their girls, and flirt more. More in comparison to when they were single, and more than their single friends (I have seen this! Not actually cheating but ‘coupled-up’ girls going wild on their nights out). I guess we really can’t be happy with just  one ladies? Don’t remember the science explanation for this, I only remember one of the talking heads basically saying that woman like drahhmmaaaaaaaa.

-Speaking of, men have had to duke it out with other men to prove who is the ‘strongest’ and a leader to be the ladies first choice. Nowadays, men duke it out with each other for women using money, power and status. Although women like the idea of men competing with each other for them, they don’t care to watch or see how it goes down. They just want to know who won. This is true for humans and other mammals.

-The way you walk is sexy. For women, it’s all about the hips and that junk in the trunk. For men, it’s about squared shoulders and puffed out chest. We subconscioulsly move like this when we are in a dating scene, or around someone we are attaracted to, or when we know we are being checked out.

-Why do we have monogamous relationships while other mammals don’t? This documentary suggests it’s because humans walk upright. So while female mammals can carry babies and food with their mouths and on their backs, we female humans only have arms. Our arms are preoccupied with carrying and feeding the baby, and we cannot protect ourselves or carry and gather food. That’s where the guy comes in. He protects the mother and child and carries the food and anything else. They also pointed out that dopamine (the love chemical in our brain) usually fades after 4- 7 years. They suggest that that’s because the child can now walk and carry things and the women’s arms are free again. Like a timer, it fades away I guess? This is why they think long term relationships don’t survive.

They did do a study on a couple who were still in love after 20 years, the dopamine centers still active in the brain whenever the partner is in the same room or mentioned. They suggest it’s because the couple had other shared goals and ambitions beyond the children (I think they worked together?) and that helped their bond stay alive and those feeliongs of being excited about each other.

-I found this experiment interesting. They took a group of men and women, and dressed them all in plain gray unitards and skullcaps. Then gave them each a number from 1 – 10. They did not know which number they had and they had to wear it on their forehead. Then they were asked to pair off, and the goal was to pair off with a 10. They miked one of the girls so we could hear her comments. She was a 3. She commented on how guys wouldn’t even make eye contact with her. She realized that she must have a pretty low number as she tried to get a 10, then 8, then lower and lower. Her face was attractive so she clearly was not used to being rebuffed. She ended up with a 2.

Conclusion (and how it relates to dating): People date at their attractiveness level.

Everyone wants a 10. Everyone. And because of that, 10’s have more choices and since they also want a 10, well you know what that means. People date at their attractiveness level and end up with them. You date at your level, and you may go up or down one notch but that’s about it. I did notice that some men did get women that were 2-3 numbers higher while some women settled for numbers 2-3 lower than their number. Men won’t go lower without a fight, lol! But for the most part, people paired up with their own number, with a plus or minus one variation. And you pretty much won’t know your ‘number’ until you get out there and see who wants to fuck you.

Lastly…things that influence your attractiveness to the opposite sex.

-What do men look for? They are visual (duh). They like younger looking women because it indicates health and child bearing ability. They are mainly looking (subconsciously) for health cues.

-What do women look for? It’s more complicated for women (double duh). They used this metaphor for what women have to consider and why.

For men, sex is like fast food. It’s cheap, fast and they can come and go when they please (no pun intended you pervs!). For women, sex is like eating at a very expensive restaurant. They may get stuck with a very expensive bill and be stuck there. So women have to be more selective.

Now I’m gonna get literal on ya! Women want to be with a man who will help foot that bill! Yup, status and money are what women look for and increases a man’s attractiveness (no matter what his looks are). When a man is looked up to in a community, or popular, or respected, plus has money, he will be very attractive. It shows women that he has what it takes to take care of us and any babies that may pop up… or out. This means he has the resources and protection she needs. It’s science ya’ll, so don’t fight it!

Nowadays, whether or not these bitches will actually support you, is another story.

That’s all I remember. Did you learn anything new? Probably not. Still interesting though.

When Boys Attack: Story 4

Published May 11, 2013 by bossymoksie

I was innocently checking my email one day when I recieved an email from a male acquaintance that was out of town. Well out of the country. His email read:

Hey, would you ever date a guy like me?

???????????????????????????

I wrote: Do you know who you emailed? What’s going on over there?

He wrote: Yes, I do know who I emailed. LOL. Things are great over here I just thought I’d ask and stop torturing myself.

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAT…

THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…

FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK?!

A little backstory. Met him through a family member and this is a really, really, solid, standup, good guy. The real deal (as far as I know). He has helped my friends out a lot. We just thought he was a good guy. I even offered to go to lunch with him (him paying of course) and my friends and I invited him out to a few things so that we could all hang, and not just have him around when we needed something. He declined. Okay. Shit. Not gonna force you to hang out with me us, especially if you just wanna give favors. Sometimes I felt like he would actually avoid me when we were in the same room together as a group.

So how do I respond? I’m just gonna be honest cuz, fuck it it’s the best policy.

I wrote: This is random, that’s why I asked. I honestly never thought about it. You’re a ‘good on paper guy’.

He wrote: Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. I was gonna holla at ya sooner but you and your friends were dissing *DOUCHEFRIEND so hard when he asked you out so I backed down.  I was talking to a friend and told her that you’re cool and fun but don’t take shit from anyone and she told me to not wait and go for it if that’s what I feel so I thought why not and that’s why I emailed you. Don’t wanna make you uncomfortable, just wanted to put it out there.

I wrote: LOL at DOUCHEFRIEND. You know his ass deserves to be joked! I’m not uncomfortable, it’s just out of the blue from someone who seemed to avoid me. Anyway, like I said I don’t think of you in that way.

And because I’m nosey and wonder what the fuck kind of logical reasoning this guy has I write:

How come you never hung out with us when we invited you?

He wrote: I was too shy and weighing the pros and cons. I’m used to girls making the first move but the ones I’m interested in I get too nervous and think I’m not good enough.

Okaaaaaaaaaaay, so he finally wracked up some nerve when he was  halfway across the FUCKING GLOBE. That’s what it took to ask me out? A few continents and oceans between us? Funny how you want to be close to someone but you stay as far away from them as possible. And why would you admit that you don’t think you are good enough? If you want a sympathy vote, fine. But it does not make a woman attracted to you or interested in wanting to know more. In fact, for me, it makes me want to run the other way because I don’t want to deal with other wacky, random behavior that may pop up from your not thinking you’re good enough.

He is a good guy. But his dating approach has turned him into the nice guy, and you know how much I love them. I think one thing that pisses me off about the dating game and approach from guys is how are you gonna do everything else but try to CONNECT to the girl that you want a connection with? And they say girl logic is crazy.

My reply?

I forgot to. Until now. Because he is back in town.

I’m curious as to what advice some of you would give this guy. Yes, I am asking YOU.

*nickname inspired by personality

Link Lovin: The Time That Guy Saved My Car From Me

Published May 8, 2013 by bossymoksie

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago in a land far away… I would let those mechanics change the air filter in my car along with my oil change.

Then some dude in the waiting room a little birdie told me that air filters were like $10 at Autozone. I was paying $30-$40 for the mechanic to do it.

I became instantly enraged. I was being swindled. I was bamboozled! I was being taken advantaged of! No way. No fucking way I was going to let this bullshit go down ever again. How dare they? HOW DARE THEYYYYYY! Yes, I really got that pissed.

Who did they think they were?

I told them to cease and desist this air filter replacement process and give my car back. They stammered excuses but I was not gonna shut up until they obeyed. And you know how much men love it when a women won’t shut up, especially when they are pissed. So I got my way.

I decided that I was gonna put that bitch in myself, and be all independent and awesome superwoman who doesn’t get taken advantaged of at the car shop. Hear me roar, bitches. Hear. Me. ROAR. It was a triumphant decision.

I know quite a bit about beauty products, and hair products, face products, and clothes.

I know jack shit about cars.

I went to Autozone and had some dude find the right air filter for me.

Then I came home. The sun would be coming down in a few hours, so time was short and I needed to put it in TODAY. Just out of principle and to validate the superwoman awesomeness of ME in my head.

I don’t know why I didn’t think to call a male friend or refer to Google. I was determined to do this myself. And I knew my amazingness would be able to figure it out.

I popped the hood of my car and stared inside. Everything just looked black and ugly and foreign. I decided I needed help.

So I went back to my apartment and grabbed all the random tools I had; a hammer, and two different types of screwdrivers.

As I marched back to my car a guy yelled down at me from his apartment’s balcony.

“Hey! What are you doing?”

I knew him. I met him once at a job I was at and he quit two days later. We happened to live in the same apartment complex so I had seen him around since then.

“I am changing my air filter!”

“Do you know how?”

“No. But I WILL!” I replied, raising my fist with the hammer in the air.

“Wait a minute. I’m coming down.”

Ugghh. Why was he butting his nose into my business??!!!! Guys always gotta get all up in your shit. And he was wasting my precious time that I had with the sunlight. The sun was going down! I knew, just knew, it was gonna take an hour or so. I mean, that’s how long it took the mechanics at the shop and they actually knew what they were doing. This had to be done today, TODAY, or else my stand against those fuckers would not count.

He came downstairs and we walked to my car. He stood in front of it, ready to take over. I was not happy because he just stared at my engine for a few minutes and I had already gone through that process.

Then he said, “Hand me the filter”.

I put down my tools and grabbed the filter from inside my car. I handed it to him.

Snap, snap. Click, click. He clicked some covering and took out the old dirty filter and handed it to me, then he took the clean air filter and snapped it inside some secret casing under the hood.

Click, click.

Done. In less then five minutes.

I looked down at my pile of tools. Guess I wouldn’t be needing those.

“Thanks!” I said.

“No problem,” he replied.

And then I had extra time to work on my hair and go party with my friends and lived happily ever after with my car until I totaled it.

Now I let my friends change it for me. Thanks ‘that guy’!

Ask a Bitch!

Published May 5, 2013 by bossymoksie

Where I answer your questions about love, dating and tricky relationship situations (questions in bold):

I met this girl at work who I think is the one. She is gorgeous. Beautiful. Stunning. She is it for me. She wasn’t happy with the department she worked in, so I helped her transfer (I am a manager there). She didn’t like her desk so I got her an office of her own. We went out to lunch a few times and she seemed to like me.  I thought everything was going well until she gave her notice for a new job, (with our companies’ competitor). Some of my co-workers and her co-workers are upset because of all of the things I did for her. But I think this might be better for us in the long run. It would be easier to date if we didn’t work together. I haven’t heard from her and, she is not returning my calls. What should I do to get her to go out with me? What would YOU want a guy like me to do so you would want to date me?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…

Hold on, I’ll have an answer for you.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Whew! Okay then. You gotta let this one go. She obviously sees you as a sucka just a boss/co-worker type that really liked her ‘work’ and helped her get what she wanted. Just because a woman screws you over, doesn’t mean she wants to fuck you. Next time you meet ‘the one’ be honest about your intentions and what YOU want instead of being a yesman.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.

If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.