humor

All posts in the humor category

Four Years Flew By…

Published March 23, 2015 by bossymoksie

Hello my blogging community and followers!

I guess time really does fly when you’re having fun. And when you disappear for 10 months. 

I know, I know. You miss me. And I miss you. But I’ve been lazy busy with life stuff and haven’t had a chance to write. I’ve never forgotten you except anytime I was away from my computer plus many, many many other times. You were always on my mind except for when you weren’t.

And then I realized shit! today is my blog’s FOUR YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!!

another year of putting up with me

So to honor my blog still being here and not deleted by WordPress due to neglect I decided to write you guys a quick shout out. And to let you know I will be back. So hang in there!

I will also honor it with something I do to honor just about anything, any day, any time this:

champagne toast

A toast to me! … and my followers.

Cheers! I hope you’re all doing well,

And see ya soon!

Bossy Moksie

Peekaboo! Me looking away from the mirror in my lap to look at YOU. See, I do love you guys!

How to Choose Role Models

Published February 11, 2014 by bossymoksie

I’m really sick of people talking about how Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber are supposed to be role models, and should act like it. Did I fall asleep when people voted two children to exemplify all that is right and holy in the world for our other kids to look up to?

Can we pause for a second and realize how dumb this sentiment is? I get it. They are popular. They were introduced to us by entertaining the youth, ergo, have millions of young fans. Fine. But why the fuck are we labeling them as people who should know how life should be lived and a guide for kids? Lemme break this down for you. First of all, Miley is 21. Twenty. One. Please remember this. (Justin is 19!)

miley smokes a joint

Chillax people. I’m 21, not Gandhi.

Before you pass judgement on these two, do you remember what attention whorey stupid shit you were doing at that age? And for those of you who are proud of the purity of your own children, brace yourself for all the attention whorey stupid shit your kids will have in store for you in that age range. It’s a rite of passage.

You know who should be looked up to? Those boring kids who somehow magically skipped that attention whorey stupid shit phase as a teen.

I’ve heard the argument, from both parents and kids, that back when Miley was nine years old or something like that, she said that she wasn’t gonna use sex to be popular, was gonna stick to having good values and wanted to be a good role model. And now you feel betrayed.

kid role model

I’m a kid. And I said the darndest things.

Really? You’re listening to a fucking 9 year old? What was she supposed to say at 9? I can’t wait to be 21 and attention whore with nudity to sell my albums? That was before puberty, Liam Hemsworth, and she probably thought boys and drugs had cooties.
Don’t pretend that puberty and insecurities came along and didn’t fuck up your level headed child self who thought you knew everything in your simple black and white world of Barbie’s or GI Joe’s.
She was probably told to say those things to sell herself and her TV show anyway. That was her angle at the time. She moved on. Which leads me to my next point.
miley cyrus role model

I’m just selling albums ya’ll.

These bitches are celebrities. Their job is to sell their shit music by getting our attention any way they can. Just because they succeeded at getting our attention, doesn’t mean they know shit about life. Ergo, should not be role models of ‘acceptable’ behavior for kids, or anyone. Their job is to entertain, not lead.
Why are celebs generally cast as role models anyway? They are not living life. Not real life like the rest of us. They don’t know shit about the 9 to 5 side eye at you Beyonce for your lyrics in “Ghost”. Normal people don’t have to deal with what celebs deal with and vice versa. They are leading a different kind of life that is intertwined with commerce, so why would we think that their actions would automatically be more level-headed than ours? This makes no logical sense! Am I missing the connection?
miley cyrus covers nipples

Obviously not an outfit that should ever be worn in the real world. Right? Right??!!!

I see why the media would want us to believe that celebs know something that we don’t, but that’s just so that they can sell us whatever crap they choose to.
Listen, some of us grown-ups know that celebs have more money than they know what to do with and seem to want to snort, smoke drink and party it away. If these are things that you aspire to do with your life, then they should be your role models. (Done and done.)

Maybe, just maybe, some adult in the child fan’s life could take five minutes and explain to the child that celebrities are a different breed of people not living in the real world. What you see may not even be the real personality of the person anyway. It’s all an act, a show. Enjoy the show. Admire Miley’s hustle and comfort with public nudity. Admire Justin’s lack of shame and affectation of swag. Admire their singing voices if that’s what you love about them. But don’t get it twisted.

If I aspired to getting drunk under the drinking age, speeding, and smiling like a douche in a mug shot, then Justin would be my role model. Since I don’t, he is not. (For the record, I only wanted to do one of those things, and with the help of a fake ID or some 21 year old guys, I achieved it!)

If you want to use your brains only to get ahead, show your naked body only to the person you’re gonna have sex with, or save the world from the apocalypse people keep predicting will happen, then you should look up to anyone other than a celebrity. They don’t know anything more about life than the rest of us.

Get it together people. You wanna life role model look at…um…well I don’t  of any of those. Someone should get on that. Pick someone, real or a celeb, who has the same values as you or a talent you like, then admire them for that and that only. Rest assured, there’s probably some other shit they do that you do not agree with. It’s fine, because you only admire them for what you find admirable, not for anything else.

But just because a celeb can hit a high note or has a number 2 hit, doesn’t mean they know how to do this thing called life. Or what it takes to be happy. We’re all equally clueless on that one.

What I Learned from “Don Jon”

Published February 8, 2014 by bossymoksie

Have any of you seen this movie?

don jon movie

Men and women think of two different things when it comes to the term ‘happy ending’! lol

The summary and trailer are craptacular, but I liked this movie. A lot.

The trailer shows you the character more than the story. It’s really about a dude looking for intimacy but he doesn’t even know what that really is or looks like. That’s not as sexy of a description as a Jersey Shore wanna be, porn and ScarJo (all of which are in the trailer).

It’s worth watching just for the first 20 minutes when the main character, Don Jon, explains the pros and cons of getting off on porn, versus a real girl. I thought it was hilarious! I thought the last 20 minutes or so were not as realistic as the rest of the movie, but it did show how he sees intimacy differently.

And I laahved Scarlett Johannson’s character. She was the hot diva princess who demanded respect and whatever else she wanted (sound familiar? Yeah, there’s no bias here.) I knew from the beginning that she was manipulating him. She knew what she wanted and wasn’t going to settle for anything less!

However! I did not agree with her messing with his interests and ambitions (or lack thereof). She was trying to make him into something he wasn’t and I am not down with that. Let the boy enjoy his hobbies as long as it doesn’t involve sex with other women.  Her character was hugely influenced by romantic comedies and she thought true love meant that a man would do everything you asked him to, and change into whatever you needed him to be. I do not think that’s fair, especially since men have tried to pull this shit with me. Love doesn’t magically turn you into someone else just so you can please the other person. Her character was less interested in knowing the real him, whereas I prefer to get to know the guy I’m dating because I’m nosy and knowledge is power.

Look, as much as I’d love to mold a man like my own personal play-doh puppet, I know it’s just not possible because I’ve already tried. At best it’s temporary. He’s gonna revert back to his same self. And guess what? That’s what you’re gonna get stuck with. So I just take what I see at face value and judge whether or not I can hang with that.  The main things I’m demanding about is how our interactions will go and how he treats me but it’s not limited to just that.

So what did I learn? The realization that hit me like a ton of bricks was that some men, or boys, don’t know the difference between intimacy and lust. I know women confuse lust and intimacy, as well as fantasy with love, because I am one and from listening to my friends analyzing the shit out of their guy when the reality is right under their noses. I don’t know why I thought men would automatically know the difference.

Looking back at a few past relationships, I can see that the guys were more in lust with me than in love. And I think we both confused that lust for love. They played nice and ‘put up’ with me and my crazy and not-so-crazy demands because they thought that’s what it would take for us to be close and be in a real relationship. But it’s not. And while they would comply with some things, they would be really selfish with others. They obviously cared about me, because they aren’t monsters, but they seemed unsupportive, dismissive sometimes. Then I would label them as jerks and then fuck with them and the relationship. Just cuz. But now I see that, perhaps, they weren’t doing it on purpose, we both just didn’t know what the fuck we were doing! We didn’t know how to get closer or didn’t really want to.

I don’t want to downplay sexual attraction and lust, I do think it’s a good thing to have in a relationship! (And blogger, Introverted Playboy, gives a great argument for why here.)

Anyway, the movie did a great job at showing the differences between what men and women expect love to look like and the way media influences them (porn and rom coms).

I wish romantic comedies were more like this, more honest and a dash of intelligence and without the implied ‘they lived happily ever after, they never had any problems after that or wanted to strangle each other and they always look like a perfume ad’.

Because in real life, once you get into the the relationship, it isn’t happily ever after, it’s just more work!

Here’s the craptacular trailer if you want to check it out:

News Bulletin: Attention All Goldiggers

Published June 30, 2013 by bossymoksie

Its a code red. I know you serious gold digging bitches already knew about this weeks ago because your query search on your Google Alert has hand delivered this news to you. But for the amateurs:

Rupert Murdoch, 82, is in the midst of getting divorced to his wife Wendi Deng, 44. The two lovebirds who had a mutual respect for sex and money and all the bullshit in between, is ending their happily ever after. She is ready for some young dick and to move on with a piece of his money.

In case you don’t know, he is worth billions and owns News Corp. His previous wife walked away with a billion.

Of course a prenup is in place, and the current soon-to-be-ex may not be walking away with as much. This divorce is particularly juicier (to the news anyway) because it’s rumored she is already sleeping with someone who can actually keep it up longer than two minutes, Former Prime Minister Tony Blair. They think Rupert is already being vicious which is adding fuel to this rumor. But Rupert, why so mad? You are nearly a hundred, you had to have known the score when she married you.  I mean you should know by NOW the facts of life and the way it works when a young pretty girl is interested in fucking an old, rich ass!!!! LOL, must be nice to still be surprised at such a late age.

The only reason why that scandalicious part of the news is important though is to keep in mind that if you married a man for money, don’t fuck up your billion dollar prenup agreement by fucking around. Take note ladies!

It’s your turn now!

So get prepared on the art of feeding someone baby food, creative ways to get a penis up and hard, and trying to not look like a nurse when you’re holding hands while walking.

Step up and collect your billion!

NOTE: A billion dollars is too ambitious for me. What does one do with a billion dollars? There’s only so many interesting shoes and dresses out there!

Although having a pool filled with hundred dollar bills to swim in would be nice…

scrooge swim in money

Ask a Bitch!

Published June 15, 2013 by bossymoksie

Where I answer your questions about love, dating and tricky relationship situations (questions in bold):

Dear BossyMoksie, I need to lose about 60 pounds for my health. I have high blood pressure and high risk for a heart attack. I’ve been trying to lose this weight for years and years. I had Gastric Bypass Surgery a few years ago. But the weight came back. My friend gave me the name of her personal trainer and she lost 20 pounds with him in the last 5 months. The problem is that my husband doesn’t want me to do it. He is very OLD SCHOOL and doesn’t want me to spend loads of time with another man alone. I told him he could watch the sessions or join us on the training session, but he doesn’t have a weight problem and doesn’t want to do it. My friend says I should do it anyway. How can I make him more comfortable about this and avoid future fights? I really need to get this weight off.

This guy doesn’t have a problem with you having a heart attack and being dead I see. Well then, he’s a keeper.

FUCK him and get you’re workout on. Its your life, your body, your health. He probably doesn’t want you to get thin and confident and leave his OLD SCHOOL, sorry ass. I hope that’s exactly what you do.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.

If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.