relationship

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50 Shades of Kinky F#^*%@y!

Published May 18, 2012 by bossymoksie

I’ve been hearin a lot about this book called “50 Shades of Grey”, and I’m sure every person on this planet has heard of it now. How it’s about a young girl who becomes a ‘submissive’ to a rich dude and lives happily ever after. And the media is latching onto the BDSM, the spanking and kinky fuckery, as it’s called in the book. Time Magazine is even calling Feminisim movement into question, since women are lovin a book where a woman gets dominated and spanked. “The Today Show” had Dr. Drew on there who said he was ‘concerned’ for the state of women to be so hooked on a book about a young girl becoming a submissive and that the book condoned violence against women.

Here’s an article tearing apart Dr. Drew’s credibility on this subject if you’re interested.

http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-03-14/dr-drew-is-mansplaining-your-sexual-desires-for-you-50-shades-of-grey-fans/

Which makes me wonder. Did any of these media bitches read the book? I did, cuz after hearing/seeing the headline, I decided that I needed to read it and join the haterade. It was based on some Twilight fan fic called MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE and I knew that shit was fiction just from the title. Cuz we all know who run this. Hint: not dudes.

And um, this was more “Pretty Woman” with kinky sex (and lots of it!) than “Twilight” with kinky sex. The lead female, Ana, doesn’t even become a submissive, in fact, he ends up pretty much pussy whipped (not literally) by the second book. She runnin things. They end up getting married (no prenup btw) and having kids and living in a JCrew ad by the end of the third book. So she turns a rich, hot as fuck, billionaire who was into dominating and bdsm,and could have any woman he wants, into a PG-13 loving husband and father? Um, now do you understand the real fantasy here that women are hooked on? (Hint: it’s not the paddle or whip, which was barely even used fyi). How has the media missed this? What kind of crackpot news industry do we have that makes sweeping generalizations without doing their fuckin research? Why aren’t they advertising the REAL storyline? (easy, cuz sex sells.) And why are they so shocked that women have sexual fantasies too? Men have strip clubs and porn and fuckin sex dolls, but women get hot over one book and feminism as a whole gets questioned? WTF?

The sex scenes are hot, but ultimately most women love that an ungettable unicorn became putty in some unremarkable girl’s hand. That’s what they were really getting off to. Master of the universe is really us ya’ll and the book confirmed it! (That’s why I loved it.) And for any girl with an ego and loves power trippin, this is the ultimate goal. Like for the dude to get that hot woman who is also a brilliant scientist and loves comics and sports to commit to him and be a complete freak in the bedroom (and love him too). It’s a fantasy. Calm down.

PS- Dear Kirsten Stewart, How weird is it that some middle-aged mom got off writing this book about you and your boyfriend?

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So Close to Dating Gold…

Published April 30, 2012 by bossymoksie

I always imagine a good date would be having a fancy dress given to you, being flown to another part of the country or world, and watching an opera that makes you cry, even though you don’t understand a word of it because it’s in another language.

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Maybe I don’t have much of an imagination, cuz that’s a scene from “Pretty Woman”. Still, this is what golddigging dreams are made of. I mean, a dude that’s rich and handsome AND falls for you AND you fall in love with him too? A girl can dream (or rent the movie on Netflix).

So you see that I have certain expectations last year when I went out with this actor. Actor is actually stretching the truth because he was basically a well-paid and well known (on sets) extra. He could still get into all the events and parties and had money. And he was cute. We met at an event I snuck into. It’s sometimes easy to sneak into events when you’re hot because everyone always wants hot girls around. For some reason it makes the event seem more fun or happening. Even though we don’t really say or so anything. They just want us around. Like wallpaper.

Anyway, the actor asks me out and lets me pick a place. I go home and google a brunch place with the best mimosa’s for brunch. We go. We laugh. We have delicious mimosa’s. He seemed cool, even if I didn’t understand what he was talkin about sometimes. I blamed the mimosa’s. After brunch, he decides that he’s not ready to let me go. He wants to take a walk. I don’t mind burning off the bacon and bread I ate. We go outside and I suddenly find myself in some back alley with dude tryin to get affectionate. Um how did it go from this:

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To this?

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As he tries to put his hands around my waist, I say “Excuse me”, and step back. “Why are we in an alley?”

He pulls away. “I just wanted to get something out of my car. It’s down there.”

“Go ahead. I’ll wait here.”

He pauses.

Dudes amaze me. What also amazes me is that some girl probably just went with this bullshit. Wow.

“Do you wanna smoke some weed in my car?”

“No.”

What are we, fifteen? That’s something you do on Halloween or Sprink Break, not a fancy schmancy first date. WTF! Seriously, how did he go from Richard Gere in “Pretty Woman” to Dave Chapelle doing his crackfiend impersonations?

“Okay”. He shrugs.

We walk and talk some more and end up at a random spa to get massages. Now that’s more like it. And then we lived happily ever after.

Not really. We talked a few times after that but as it turns out, the mimosa’s weren’t the reason why I couldn’t understand him. He was probably high all the time. And sold weed. Which was why he was a rich actor extra. Oh well, we’ll always have our awkward alley moment.