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McDreamy Mug Shot, WTF Ladies?

Published June 23, 2014 by bossymoksie

Ladies.

NO.

Just, no. Stop.

mcdreamy mugshot

More like McNightmare than McDreamy….

Calm it the fuck down. Step away from the mug shot and ‘Like” button. Get off your ass, and go meet some available, real life guy that doesn’t have a rap sheet of carrying weapons illegally and using them on people.

You are embarrassing yourselves right now.

I hate, HATE!, to say this but I am so Team Guys-Who-Complain-About-Women right now.

 

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Who’s the Boss?

Published March 20, 2014 by bossymoksie

Most of this blog has been dedicated to my dating thoughts and rants.

Let me take this post to rant about my least favorite subject ever: work.

office space missing work meme

Nobody misses work when they are away from it.

I have a similar attitude towards work that I have with dating. It’s about showing people how to treat you and what they should expect from you. Don’t be a doormat in either place, because people will gladly wipe their feet on you. The interview process is not unlike the first few dates of a potential beau. The hope, the excitement and newness of it all, only to be crushed by the cruel reality down the road that this one is just as disappointing and predictable as the previous ones.

This is what I’ve learned. I do not do anything more than what my job description says. Fuck that. This is what we agreed on and I am holding up my end. This is what happens when you try to go above and beyond. It becomes yours permanently! With no additional money, title, or official say in what goes on! That doesn’t bother you? That’s fine, until you realize that all you did was give Mr. Motormouth and Ms. Lazy-shit more time to talk and be fucking lazy. Because you’re doing parts of their jobs that they never got done. So while you’re slaving away, these two morons are just being morons and not doing work. And if you’re still fine with that because you like your job, you like the new put-upon tasks, and you want to impress the bosses to move up the ladder, then good luck with that.

This is what sucks about that. When your unorganized boss fucks up, which is inevitable, and suddenly there’s a big push to get a bunch of crap done in a short period of time, guess who ends up with having to push their life aside to get it done? YOU. The one who took on more than what your job is paying for. Not the unorganized boss, not lazy-shit, or motor mouth. Have fun with that pressure! Without the money or title or a choice. Keep in mind that the person who actually does get a promotion is usually the kiss ass net-worker. Why would they promote you when you’re doing such a great job of doing all the worker bee tasks whatever it is that you’re doing, plus other people’s work, without complaint?

When I get more dumped on me, I make sure that the boss and co-workers know I am doing them a favor, and this is not a regular thing. I make sure they know, whether it’s true or not, that what I have on my plate is all I can handle. They want to add more, they have to take something away. And if you’re not gonna give me more money, you sure as hell better get me a free meal, or a bunch of appreciation! Or both. They usually do! 🙂

And this recession bullshit has not changed my attitude. Now companies like to act like they are the choosy hot chick who have too many choices and can be an abusive bitch about it. We’re supposed to go above and beyond and perform back-flips at will like a desperate puppy in order to have the privilege of doing the job of three people without the title or pay. No thank you.

In fact it has made me less interested in being loyal, invested and respectful to companies. Because now I KNOW you will drop me like a diseased sack of potatoes the second your company needs to fix their bottom line so the CEO’s don’t see a dip in padding their own pockets. It’s just business. I get it. Go ahead and save your asses companies! I definitely will continue to look out for mine!

Many of my friends are being over worked and underpaid for it, companies squeezing every last breath of their time, energy, and talents from them until they want to shoot themselves in the head for sweet release. I’ll pass. I am there for a paycheck: not to kiss ass, stress myself out over bullshit or incompetence, or get anyone’s approval. I’m there to do the job I signed up for. Don’t get it twisted. Because I definitely won’t. And the moment we butt heads with that, is the moment I get another job. Because the only person I truly ever answer to, is myself. I am the one that determine’s my workload, schedule, pay, and hours. And I know where the door is if you can’t give me what I want think is fair….or if I’m bored. Just like dating, I do this on my terms. 

I’m not suggesting that everyone quit and move on, but you definitely should remember that your only real boss is YOU. You are in charge of what you give, placing your talents in the right place and in determining your worth. Act accordingly.

The Men on My Couch: Book Review

Published November 2, 2013 by bossymoksie

MIND. BLOWN.

mind explosion

Actual depiction of my brain while reading this book.

I first saw this book on a stand in a Barnes in Noble on my way to the real (i.e. clothing) stores. I literally stopped in my tracks, walked backwards and read the back cover. I thought I already knew everything and the book would just confirm that so I put it back down. A month later I bought it thinking it would be a somewhat juicy, voyeuristic inside look into what it was like to, well, be a man. Because knowledge is power.

the men on my couch book review

“The Men on My Couch” book cover.

When I started this blog, I was frustrated with some of the ways men tried to get and hold my attention. I really thought they were from another planet with different needs. Superficial needs, like a sammich, some sex and time alone which is why I didn’t take their needs that seriously. After blogging and reading lots of Pick-up Artist blogs and a few dating blogs from men, I got to see their side of things and it opened my eyes.

But “The Men on My Couch” took it to a whole new level. Here’s the set up (quoted from the back cover of the book):

“When Dr. Brandy Engler opened her sex therapy practice for women in Manhattan, she got a big surprise. Most of the calls were from men. They wanted to talk about womanizing, porn addiction, impotence, prostitutes—and most of all, love.”

The book itself is candid and straight forward. It’s based on true stories. The chapters are divided by each patient and what she learns from those sessions. Dr. Engler also includes what’s going on in her own love life, and how these sessions change her thoughts and expectations about men and relationships.

I’m not gonna go through the whole book and all the sessions here. There were just a few points that never occurred to me and has helped changed my perspective. These are not things the author dwells on, in fact some of these things were just a sentence or a paragraph or two. I’m gonna discuss what the author points out with my own thoughts mixed in.

One: Who Benefits Most from The Sex Industry

We always hear how exploitive the sex industry is of women, but never how it also exploits men. So no, men aren’t the ones that benefit the most, BIG BUSINESS does.  We forget that it’s a corporate institution trying to get their money and attention. The sex industry takes advantage of men’s vulnerabilities and insecurities in connecting with women. It’s selling instant gratification that doesn’t really help them in the long run, kinda like fast food. And it’s a billion dollar business.

The genius of it is that it’s not going to be talked about by it’s consumers. And if it’s kept under the rug, it’s never gonna be dealt with, and they will always get their money. There’s a reason why tricking is the oldest profession there is, because it’s the oldest, consistent market out there; men who want to be with women. Now that’s a secure industry! Funny how men complain about spending money on women, are concerned about women taking their money or taking advantage of them, but never think twice about the cash they throw at the sex industry.

What I also found interesting was how the book mentions that the readily accessible video porn is shaping boys sexuality and turn-ons. Porn uses a lot of sexuality based on power and anger to get attention, and sells the idea that that’s the only sex that is gratifying or interesting. This may or may not be true, depending on the individual, but how would he know if he relies only on the digital sex industry to dictate what sex means, and how it’s supposed to be?

Two: Society Generalizes Masculinity and Femininity

Speaking of media messages, it generalizes what it means to be a woman and a man in order to sell just about anything. It sets a standard. I’ve always been aware of this on the female end, but the book illuminated to me how it does the same for men and how limiting it is.

Men are told and encouraged to be sexual. Their masculinity is to be found through sex. They are not to pay attention to their feelings or indulge them, so they must swallow quite  a bit.  Feelings are something that they have to hide and deal with on their own somehow. So, many try to resolve and satisfy their emotional needs through sex, which isn’t always the answer. But what else are they gonna do, talk to their friends?! That’s not always an option for men.

The disconnect between what society tells women what great intimacy is versus what it tells men, is really hilarious.  Men should be sexual but women should be thinking about flowers and romance??!!! Men have the greenlight to be sexual and women have the greenlight to be emotional and materialistic. We all know that women are sexual too, but it’s looked down on for us to admit it, just like it is for men to admit that they are emotional beings. No wonder relationships can be so confusing!

On a side note, this explains why men get so irate (I mean really, really angry!) about romantic comedies. I’ve heard many men complain about how unrealistic it is. They hate that there are women out there that buy into it and will be holding them to that standard. (I just always got pissed that they were rarely ever funny).

porn vs rom coms

Conflicting dating messages from media

Three: The Riddle of the Sluts

I’ve always thought that men have a love-hate relationship with women that are easy to get into bed. On one hand, it’s instant gratification, they feel empowered and desirable. So then why the hate? The book mentions that it scares men that women are out there just having sex with anyone and not thinking it’s special. Because that means that they aren’t special. They need sluts to get laid and feel good about themselves for one night, but then get angry that women are capable of not treating it like it’s something more. Men really DO prefer women that hold a standard, because if they do get in there, they feel more special. I always thought that they just liked the work, but it also makes them feel like the lucky few that got to that intimate place with you and that it means something. And that’s why I think men judge a woman’s whole character by how easy she is. Fair? Probably not. But it’s a shortcut for men to decide how much the girl will value the relationship, and more importantly, him.

Four: Alpha’s vs Beta’s, The Vicious Dating Cycle

There’s really no competition. Seriously, women ideally want neither of these options. In real life, and in the book, I’ve noticed how women will get sick of the Beta’s and run to the Alpha, then get sick of the Alpha’s and run to a Beta.  The man that can balance the two is the man we ideally want. Stay with me here.

In the book, the nice guys did get cheated on. But it’s more complicated than him just being too nice. On the contrary, most girls who date nice guys date them because they are nice. The bad news is that they may just be with him because he is safe and will feed her ego, and not for who he is.

For example, in the book the women these Beta’s were with were attractive and knew it. One of the girls even says that she was sick of the Alpha’s which was why she was with the nice guy. The women liked the security and felt desired and appreciated for giving these nice guys the time of day. The problem comes when, for whatever reason, the pretty girl doesn’t feel secure or fawned over. If the nice guy is too busy, or insecure, or going through something related to her or not, then she starts feeling insecure about her desirability. And who do you think is gonna show her that? The Alpha gives her ego that shot of desirability she was missing.

And what about the fire that is lost with Beta’s? It’s both parties fault, not just the guys. Usually it’s because one or both parties aren’t in touch with what they really want in a relationship or their sexuality. So when the relationship turns to routine and neither know what to do, guess who starts looking attractive again? The Alpha. Instead of developing her own sexuality and desires in bed and out, that aggressive, flirty guy looks like a good solution. You don’t have to worry about what you want and need as a woman with an Alpha, he’s just gonna decide that for you, usually based on whatever he wants. It’s an easy band aid.

And if the Beta doesn’t develop what he truly wants and needs out of a relationship, and then starts going through the motions or doing whatever she wants, she WILL get bored. Then it’s on her to use that easy band aid, or figure out how to get the fire between her and her nice guy up again. Guess which one most women (who have a lot of choices) will pick?

I thought it was interesting that the Alpha’s in this book that were married, married dominant, Alpha women, and then cheated on them with more submissive women. And their main relationship wasn’t any better than the Betas’. The Alpha men were just as unfulfilled and afraid of losing their partner (if they got caught). The main difference between Alpha’s and Beta’s is that when there’s a bump in the road, the Alpha’s will be the cheaters and Beta’s will be cheated on. But both types feed women’s ego but in a different way. And in both cases, nobody’s happy.

In conclusion: 

This book does make you think about what you really want from a relationship and sex, and how you go about it, whether you’re a male or female. And I realized, holy shit, men and women really do want the same things in relationships: to be known, and to be respected and loved for it.

keanu meme

Men and women are from the same planet. Whoa.

Any man who is curious that they might find themselves in these pages or has troubles with relationships with women (connecting, not the getting laid part), should check this book out. For any woman who has thought WTF? when it comes to men, or had been cheated on or in a bad relationship, I definitely recommend picking up this book to see how the other half functions, or at least tries to. I honestly bought this book so that I could judge, but this book taught me how not to. No gaurantees that I’ll stop though. 

Link Lovin’: What I Love About Men

Published April 10, 2013 by bossymoksie

I know I like to talk alotta shit about mistakes guys make.

It’s funny.

Sometimes I wonder who has it worse in the dating game (not really) because some of us ladies can be pretty crazy.

But let me take a moment to talk about a few things that I love about men.

1-Shit talking for bonding.

I think it’s cute how guys bond with other guys usually by trash talking each other and talking shit. I also think it’s cute when they do it with women. Some women can’t handle this and their ego’s would prefer to be given praises and compliments all day and night. Which is also nice and boring.

2-Stepping up.

Guys have that bad rap of just following their penises and not thinking before acting. It’s hugely sexy when a guy steps up and does something that is right for someone else, or for the situation, even though he clearly wants to be a really really naughty boy. When you see that restraint it’s so sexy. I dunno why: it’s not about being a doormat, which is unattractive and boring, I think it has something to do with being a good leader, and capable of seeing the bigger picture. jmo.

When women step aside or make sacrifices, they may give monologues about it to anyone who will listen because we’re encouraged to share every fucking feeling. Guys not so much. There really is something to that strong silent type. Yum.

3-Action oriented.

Sure there are times I wish you bitches had thunk first (see above). But I admire the do, do, do. No matter how annoying or lame it may get sometimes.  It’s the best way to learn and make mistakes, and I know it’s not always easy.

4-Best Cosmetic Ever.

While us women tear ourselves apart and make a sport out of picking other women apart, men tend to focus on what they find to be good and beautiful about us.

No matter what great new expensive shoe you have on, or perfect hair day, or favorite lip gloss or mascara you may be rocking that day, they all have nothing on a guy telling you how gorge you look tonight. Ironically, most of us ladies use all that crap to get such compliments and ego boosts from men. It’s a vicious cycle; one I don’t mind playing in!

Maybe that why the cosmetic industry makes so much money!

5-Lastly I love that they have a weakness for me! 😉

Why Hot Bitches are…Bitches

Published October 19, 2012 by bossymoksie
hot bitches at hooters

Lots of men want to step up, but we only have one vagina.

Tripp Advice recently did a video called “Why Hot Girls are Bitches” and I pretty much agreed with it. But it got my ass thinking. Yes, my ass does think.

I mean we’re not being a bitch for our health! Most of us don’t enjoy it! It takes work. It takes time and energy to come up with bitchy come-backs. We have to pay attention to men’s bullshit and be able to put them in their place instead of enjoying our buzz and dancing on tabletops.

The PUA community refers to this behavior as “shit tests”. But we’re not just throwing bullshit out just for the sake of throwing it out and seeing if you’re man enough to handle it. We are throwing it out to weed some of you bitches out.

There’s too fucking many of you!

Think of it as supply and demand.

If I am running a store and at any given time 10 dudes are in there browsing, then yeah my customer service will be shit. Cause I know if you leave, 1 or 2 more of you bitches will show up in your place.

We gotta discern which one is for real and fuckable. And throwing out bullshit bitchiness is our way of knowing who’s really in it to win it and who isn’t. We wanna know how much bullshit and mockery you’re gonna put up with just to be in our presence and how desperate you are to have the attention of a hot chick for a few minutes. So my ‘difficulty’ is just trying to get you to show your face. And you always end up showing your face. It’s just more efficient to be a bitch and let the pussies and douches dig their own graves. This saves everyone time. And by everyone, I mean me.

If I just went along with you then I won’t know the deal until it’s too late! Fuck that!

I need to know what’s up so I can make an informed decision of what I want from you. Because I’m the decider!

Ask a Bitch!

Published October 13, 2012 by bossymoksie

Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):

How do you turn down men at the club? I don’t want to dance or give my number out to some, but not sure what to say so I do it anyway. I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

Honey, you aren’t hurting their feelings, only their ego. And it’s their ego’s job to take care of them, not yours, so yes, you are excused from fake wanting to dance/give out your number to them. They’ll live. How many times did you give your number out (to some of these same men) and they never called? Yeah, ego. Not feelings. Just like it hurt your ego when they didn’t call. Not your feelings. Don’t get it confused.

Be honest. Just say ‘no’. Some guys will persist. Just hold your ground and walk away if you must, even if he’s in mid-sentence.

Now for the more persistent guys, I get a little creative. It’s all or nothing with them and I’m gonna make damn sure it will be nothing since that’s what I’m feeling for them (besides annoyance). Here are a few suggestions on how to deal with them based on my years of experiences:

-The old ‘I have a boyfriend line’. It’s a classic. And who cares if he sees you freaking some other guy on the dance floor later? By that time, he’s already working on some other girl.

-Fake name. The girls and I all have fake names and know that when we give that name to a dude, that we are not interested in him and want him to go away. We will instantly yank the friend away from the guy and pretend something more interesting is going on elsewhere and ignore the guy.

-Fake numbers hardly work anymore. Guys are really onto that tactic and with cell phones, they can call you on the spot. But what about a fake identity? I don’t have time for an elaborate backstory, but sometimes when I am drunk, I use character’s names on TV.

Yes, I told a guy that my name was Elena and that I was deeply in love with a guy named Stefan who went to my school. I eventually brought up his bad-boy brother, Damon, and how he kept trying to get in the way because I think deep down he’s really into me. (Yeah. It’s “The Vampire Diaries”.)

My friends laugh when I do this. Either the dude catches on and leaves, or gets weirded out and leaves.

NEVER DO MOVIES. Guys know their movies. Even ones you think are obscure. I made the mistake of using “Office Space” names once. It backfired. The guy thought it was cute and that I was flirting.

-Distract him. How do you distract a guy hitting on you? With another girl! I will point out an attractive girl out of earshot of us and lie tell him that the girl has been staring at him all night and is into him. After a few moments, and realizing he is getting nowhere with me, he leaves his original target (me) to go after the ‘easier’ target. Ha!

-Play dumb/deaf. I pretend I can’t hear them or don’t know what they are talking about. Then I walk away.

-Talk like a robot. (Hard to keep up with a straight face for a long period of time with this one).

-Talk about his money. If he tries to change the subject, bring it back to his money. Men either get pissed and write you and your ‘character’ off as too superficial for him, (and more importantly GO AWAY), or they want to be a baller and buy a round of drinks. Win/win.

-Disqualify him with something trivial. For instance, when he tells you his name, say, “I don’t date anyone with that name and I never will!”

“Green is your favorite color??? It’ll never work out with us, yuck!”

“SCARFACE is your favorite movie? I hate guys who love that movie, you’re all the same!”

Whatever the subject is, no matter how small and trivial, you have to act like it’s a life and death dealbreaker that you can’t get past. He will think you’re silly (and not know what to do) and go away.

If you get called out on any of these (which has only happened ONCE!), just say ‘fuck it, I’m buzzed and bored and not interested so I’m having fun’. Just come clean. They will go away after that.

Or you can try this:

*JIC video doesn’t work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wRXa971Xw0
(I actually haven’t tried this. I always forget to.)

It’s your night! You should spend it doing what you want and not wasting your time trying to make some stranger feel better about his desirability, or giving him false hope that he’s getting laid later by you.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.

If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.

Rule of Mouth

Published September 21, 2012 by bossymoksie

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

A quickie note for you ladies and gents out there fighting the good fight in the dating field this weekend. Here’s my unscientific, but very important theory when it comes to conversation with men, especially in the dating scene. This can apply to any conversation, with anyone though.

My theory is that whatever is mostly on someone’s mind, is what is gonna come out of their mouth. Except it goes through a filter from their brain to the mouth. Which means you are getting filtered version of what’s on their mind; a fraction of what they are truly thinking. Still, it’s enough to let you know where they are at. I refer to it as the Rule of Mouth.

Check it.

Sample conversation:

Me: Hey!

Guy:  Hey sexy lady? How are things with you?

Me: lol. Same-o, same-o. What’s going on tonight?

Guy: Nothing. Staying in. Wanna keep me company?

Me: No thanks. I’m trying to go out.

Pop quiz, ladies! Can you tell what he’s mainly thinking about when talking to me? And guys, can you tell what’s not on my mind. Yeah, his dick.

His mind is on one track, even when I’m not going on that track with him. He’s telling me exactly what’s on his mind.

My friends do this too.

Friend: I’m so excited about my wedding. I think I’m gonna have my dog be the ring bearer. I saw it in a movie.

Me: Awesome. The girls wanna go to [club name] tonight. Maybe eat before. You wanna come?

Friend: Hmmm. Maybe. You know what? I’m thinking of getting catering from PF Changs for our wedding. Our first date was there. What do you think?

Me: I think you are making me hungry for Chinese.

See what’s on her mind?

And then these bitches are hoping I will do something about it like be a bridesmad or have sex. Boo.

So ladies and gents, it’s not so hard to read most people’s minds. Because they always bring the subject back to what is on their mind. Do what you will with that information.