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All posts for the month October, 2013

Pretty Power and it’s Limits

Published October 26, 2013 by bossymoksie

This post was inspired by some of the comments made in my previous post. I have to add, that you guys really just proved my point with the various reactions to that post. Well done me!.

There’s the insecure guy who had to lash out, the other who whined, the woman who wasn’t phased, and the guys with a decent head on their shoulders that skipped over my bragging and commented on points they found interesting.

Just want to clarify.

I actually don’t get a lot of my own power from my looks. I learned a long time ago that power from your looks is as fickle and superficial as being pretty is. And it has limits. Sure, you get lots of compliments, free stuff sometimes, and you don’t really have to worry about finding a date. But can you rule the world or read minds or become immortal? No. Let me share a story with you.

I had a guy friend who was dating this very hot 25 year old. He was about a decade older. They had great sex and not much else in common. He did not care. Oh and she was engaged to someone else, who worked out of town. So she wrapped my guy friend around her finger, playing hot and cold with his feelings. I told him to not get too attached. I knew what this girl was doing all too well because I’ve done it. This was about her feeling like a hot shot, which she was. He didn’t want to hear it. Things got weird when her fiancee came back into town. He stayed away and missed her but she brought her fiancee to all the places my guy friend took her and- surprise!- they ran into each other. She told the fiancee about them before the run-in too, so there was a public confrontation, which lucky for him, did not include violence.

I knew this girl was higher than a mofo on power. She had BOTH men drooling over her. But in my book, she was taking it to a whole other level and playing with fire. I warned him.

you in danger girl

Change the ‘girl’ to ‘boy’

The fiancee left and my friend resumed their affair. But then she started flirting with my guy friends’ friends. Short version: one of his friends ended up challenging him to a street fight (she was regularly talking to this other dude on the phone and told him that my friend hit her). He lost that friend over her. Again, I’m sure she felt potent and strong.

I told my friend, he had round one of getting his ass almost kicked by her fiancee and now, round two has one of his friends challenging him to a Bruce Lee match in an alley somewhere and threatening him and his car!

What did he think was gonna happen in round 3? Was it really worth all that?

He dumped her that day and never looked back. She still tries to get attention from him and get him to go out with her. That was a year ago. Her power of being pretty is lost. And in reality it wasn’t that strong or real. It was just sex. He could never trust her, and he didn’t even like hanging out with her that much when her clothes were on.

Pretty power is basically having many people want to sleep with you and lots of attention from strangers. That’s about it. You can leverage that as much as you want but still, it’s limited. It doesn’t make them automatically love you, accept you, change their lifestyle, not cheat on you, change who they are, want to get in fights for you, risk their life, or hand over their paychecks. It doesn’t automatically make you happy, smart, strong, funny, or even interesting. Like beauty itself, the power that comes with it is only skin deep. Be careful ladies.

It’s also pretty fickle. I mean if you gain 5 pounds or get a few new pimples, whatever power trip you have for being attractive goes right out the window. If someone doesn’t approve of your looks, you crumble into a pit of despair and unworthiness.  Your whole esteem is based on this external thing that you have little control over. Oh, hell naw! I learned not to rely on that.

A model just gave a Ted Talk on being attractive and how it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. She admitted that most models are insecure.

Why? Because their whole job and self worth is based on something they have little control over, which is why drugs and eating disorders are so rampant that industry. Their self esteem is based on creating an illusion and they are desperate to hold onto it.

I’m not gonna lie, after a big meal, I’m not feeling so good or hot. But then my hate for feeling bad or bored jumps in and I want to have fun and forget about it. And nine and a half times out of ten, I usually do. Winning!

Next week I will be posting a book review of “THE MEN ON MY COUCH” , which blew my fucking mind.

Pretty Girls and Power, It’s Your Fault

Published October 18, 2013 by bossymoksie

It always amuses me when men get so upset at my arrogance bragging. Especially guys online. It inspires me to do it MORE actually. I like being difficult and you just showed me how. Women usually laugh or roll their eyes, but hardly ever seem offended or have strong reactions like men do.

To be honest, I would brag about something, anything, no matter what I looked like. I think it’s funny and fun. I like to have a good time. And it’s interesting to me when men get so upset at this. But enough about me. For now.

Why is that?

Because I actually turned out to be pretty, some men can’t tolerate me flaunting that I know that in their faces every annoying chance I get. I am also flaunting that I know that’s why their ass is even paying attention to me the first place. Apparently it’s bad form to mock mention that. Call it a test, call it a bitch, call it whatever you want. But I get to see how you really are when I do that.

If you’re insecure about yourself, you’ll be mad and lash out. Try to get some of your power back. If you could give a fuck, you will not even care what I said and either not give me the time of day, or try to see if there’s something else behind this amazing visual feast before your eyes.

What a minute? How did I end up with this power in the first place?

You gave it to me.

A lot of men, when they see someone they are attracted to, feel at a disadvantage already. They get mad when rejected or when a pretty girl doesn’t act in a way they think she should so he can connect with her more, or at least get her into bed.  You’re the ones that put high stakes on your encounters with pretty women, and the potential of losing your personal power. That’s on you.

Yes, a pretty girl does have a lot of choices, and yes, it’s her decision whether or not you are one of them. But you gave her that power. You’re the ones who put a certain type of girl on a pedastool; as a goal, an achievement, a validation. It’s a social construct you all agreed on with other men and act on accordingly. It’s only a state of mind, a belief. One that you don’t have to subscribe to. It’s all in your head!

Of course every guy wants to be with a woman they are attracted to. But EVERY attractive woman isn’t a great find or fit for you. So you shouldn’t feel bad or scared when you see just ANY attractive woman. It’s a catch 22. You want something someone badly, you get too nervous and tongue tied, she thinks you’re an alien dropped of the mother ship who doesn’t know basic human social interaction, and it’s endgame. Or you minimize her in your head, she either gets mad and disappears or you achieve your conquest and realize it was all an empty pipe dream and the crazy, nervousness you initially felt was all for nothing.

This doesn’t mean putting her down, objectifying her, villainizing her, and whatever other creative ways you guys like to regain your power. It just means taking a shot of reality- She’s great to look at. Period.

What you should be asking yourself is if there’s something else beyond that, and more importantly, is there something there you can really connect to or value and vice versa. Like my  game twin, Reema says, what else does she bring to the table?

All I did was walk into the room, ready to share my awesomeness with the room, and you’re thinking attack strategies. Calm it the fuck down. Don’t hate. Appreciate. Or better yet, find some validation that isn’t dependent on how hot girls respond to you.

I didn’t make the rules. I didn’t plant that idea about pretty girls having all the cards in your head. It was already there. I just like fucking with it.

Public Service Announcement: Ladies, Stop Obsessing!

Published October 12, 2013 by bossymoksie

Okay, so you met a guy. And he was AMAZING. He was hot, he was interesting, he was exciting he was unavailable. You can’t figure him out. But you want to, you have to. And you want him to figure you out. And want you.

What do you do?

WHAT DO YOU DO???????

You obsess. You think about this dude all day and all night. You can’t get him out of your head. And you talk about him. And talk about him, and talk about him some more.  To anyone who will listen.

It’s one thing to vent your feelings, or share with your friends your current state of mind. It’s quite another thing to turn a girls night out into a 4 hour hand holding fest of you talking about the drama and hog all the attention  while smothering every last hope of fun the night was intended to be.

The thing that pisses me off the most, is that it’s always over a guy who’s a douche, or barely knows you’re alive. ALWAYS. Girls never go on and on and on about the handsome knight in shining armor who reads their minds and handles all their needs, or their good guy friends. No. Not that I want to hear that shit all day long either. 

Do you know how much more fun you’d be having if your ass just shut up, had a drink and danced a little?  Or relaxed and took in the scenery of our favorite outdoor brunch spot? Maybe even flirt or make out with another guy. No, lets just ruin everyone’s night, AGAIN, because of a dude that cares two shits about you. Yeah. That makes more sense.

You have every right to be angry, upset, feel bad, etc. because you feel used, abandoned, whatever. But it does not justify you torturing your friends yourself by reliving it for all eternity. Just because you are obsessed, doesn’t mean we are!

We have to listen for the 15th thousandth time about how this douche dream guy who stood you up or didn’t notice you, despite all that you do to get his attention. It’s just not fair. Do you know how many Saturday nights, or afternoon lunches have been destroyed by your obsession by a dude hasn’t even given YOU two thoughts?

I have a theory. The reason why these girls talk so much about the object of their affections is because if they can’t have their undying love or their attention, then they will settle for feeling the angst of not having them and talking about them incessantly. That way, they still feel ‘connected’ somehow to the guy, even if it’s just pain and angst. He is a big part in her life simply because she keeps bringing him up. She focuses attention on him EVEN WHEN HE’S NOT AROUND OR NOT A REAL PART OF HER LIFE.  I am just a warm body you are using to express this obsession and a replacement for the attention you really want. If I wanted to be a warm body to be used I could just go out and have a one night stand, and it would be a lot more fun.

Does this obsessing ever get you the solution that you are desperately hoping to get? NO. (That is, unless you like being masochist.)

Tumbling down your own pit of despair isn’t going to change the situation, or this guy’s actions and attitude towards you. It’s up to YOU to make yourself feel better, not him. And you can start by knowing you deserve better than feeling like shit all the time, and changing YOUR attitude and actions towards him.

And let me tell you, friends are always more than happy to help you with this.

So for your sake and mine, please cease and desist.