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All posts for the month August, 2012

It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp!

Published August 31, 2012 by bossymoksie

Hustlin’

Really it’s not. But some of you seem to think so!

Now, some of you are saying it’s easy for me to do and say all these things, and I know. Because I’m awesome. But anyone can be awesome. Awesomeness does not discriminate, it is not an exclusive club. It is very slutty and easy to get, like a cold or herpes. Before you can act like a diva, you have to be a diva first.
How does this happen? Enjoy yourself. That’s it! It’s so easy. Put yourself first and enjoy yourself. If you like handgliding, handglide. If you like knitting sweaters, then knit away fabulous grannie! If you like blogging, blog. It’s that easy. A) It’s attractive B) it’s a great distraction when crappy things happen in life, as they do C) It’s easier to walk away from a dude who makes you feel crappier than all the good time vibes you give yourself without him.

Now the hard part for some of you. If you don’t like something, say it. SPEAK UP. No, you don’t want that threesome. No you didn’t think you were seeing other people! No, you don’t feel like watching football with his friends EVERY SUNDAY! No, you don’t like action movies with any Hemsworth brother. No, you don’t want to do his laundry. Ever. Just be honest. He’ll live. You’ll live. A hole won’t open up in the ground and swallow you up! And if he’s cool with you, then the relationship will survive!!! It will be all good. He will pretty much know where you stand and act accordingly. Sometimes it means leaving you. Yes, he may not like what you have to offer. But it’s better to know sooner than later, so you can strut off and find someone who can hang with all your awesomeness. I don’t save my bitchy behavior for later. You will get it up front! You know the terms up front. You are free to go away!!!!! Someone else will bite.

Because really that’s all you bring to the table. YOU. It’s the only thing you can offer someone that NO ONE ELSE CAN. You got that market covered. So deliver. And let someone be your biggest, true fan.

Sticking up for yourself means being alone sometimes, but never forgetting that you are loved, even if it’s only by you. Otherwise you are just a doormat, letting dudes get over so that you can say you have a dude. A dude who will disappoint you and make you hurt, bitter, and more fucked up for future relationships.

Relationships are all about ME, because in life, you are only in a relationship with yourself. So how are you gonna lift yourself up? How are you gonna let yourself down?? You gonna chase that dude who’s ignoring you? Or are you going to treat yourself with some flowers/shopping/pedicure/favorite concert? Are you gonna be with the guy who treats you great and tries to meet your needs, or are you trying to date that dude who’s just around but gives you next to nothing that you need?

The choice is yours.

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She Ain’t Nuthin But a Goldigga

Published August 30, 2012 by bossymoksie
I’m just gonna tell it like it is. I’m not gonna be nice, because where does it get you? Nowhere. That’s why nice finishes last. Because you are not honest. So here it is: I like men with money. People can call me names all day long, but I know me. I’ve dated 1 or 2 a few guys who didn’t have money. It wasn’t fun. I was miserable. That’s me. I don’t like it. And I’m honest about it to myself and anyone who asks. But if I wanted to be nice and follow what bitter, broke men society says I should, I would say, ‘oh money doesn’t matter that much. It’s his heart.’ Swallow that bullshit every day while in a relationship with that broke mofo and then when his caring heart fucks it all up and we break up, I’m now in debt because I had to pay for half, or more, of everything. I like to come out of a relationship with a few gifts, not be in debt! I like a break-up to leave me with abundance, not lack. And that’s where material things come in, to help sooth any negative feelings from said break-up.

Shiny…all bad feelings have disappeared.

Also, men like to think they can buy me. This happens alot. I’m not gonna argue with it. But instead of the obedient, trophy poodle they get the nonstop bitchy chihauhua. Jokes on them. Unless they have other things besides money to keep me happy. It’s hilarious to me when a guy will show off his Rolex/Cartier/etc. and fancy sports car and then gets mad that bitches want him for his money. Why are you shoving it in our faces then! LOL! Oh, because you don’t think you have anything else to offer. That’s something you need to make peace with you and your ego instead of getting mad at bitches.

Just like men want to spread their seed with as many bitches as possible to populate a future generation, bitches want money to take care of those seeds. It’s biology. It’s the way. Men want offspring. We want that offspring and our pedicures to be taken care of. The end. Why do we get called names and shamed for our biological imprints? We can blame this shit on our ancestors too! Also blame social Darwinisn. I’m pretty. I can sleep with whoever I want. I can spend time with whomever I want. Naturally, I’m gonna select someone who can give me things and show me things that I can’t give myself. Otherwise, why am I there? I can have fun on my own. I can get attention on my own. We can keep each other company and have fun, without me getting into debt, and we can call it a day. Or a night. 😉

I want to get something out of a relationship. The odds are that 99% of my relationships will fail. That’s just the way. And I will be taking something physical with me as we go on out separate ways to remember the good times with your money you by.

Nice knowin’ ya!

Empire State of Mind

Published August 29, 2012 by bossymoksie
Back from New York City and it was amazing. Wasn’t even able to see all of it! I have to go back. We went to Brooklyn, we went to Greenwich Village, we went to Harlem. We went to Times Square, we went to Central Park, we went to Bergdorf’s. Everything was cool. Everyone was cool. Especially Naked Cowboy. The subway system is crazy confusing to me! I think I lost weight. Love a vacation where you lose a few pounds instead of gaining!

I am only sharing one pic because my boyfriend would prefer not to be a big feature on my blog. So he best behave himself if he wants to keep it that way! Therefore, Naked Cowboy is all you get!

However, my boyfriend does agree with me that I am a rock star and this blog rocks. He is giving me some of his sales-pertise to possibly take me (and my blog) to another level. As in, a money making level. With or without the blog, he suggests I start a business of awesomeness and at least be free from clocking in with the MAN. It so nice to find someone who shares the same values as I do: ME! That’s what I’m talking about! Making all my dreams (of being paid to be me) come true instead of being awesome me around dudes with lots of money who pay for everything.

How would I be if I had my own $money$!? I would be more power trippin!

She-ra claiming her power.

I have the POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There’s a new princess of power in town bitches.

Don’t worry, I will let all the power go to my head. Every. Last. Drop.

Male Response to a Yahoo! Article

Published August 29, 2012 by bossymoksie

Sometimes I like to go on the Yahoo! page just to look at the all the sliding pictures with articles they have on their homepage. You know the ones. Right in the middle.

Anyway, they had this article titled “15 Biggest Beauty Turnoffs From Real Guys”. I was curious. Because all women are gorgeous and hot and cute so what the hell could ever be wrong?

The article itself is kind of nitpicky and dumb. Here it is if you want to check it out yourself:

http://shine.yahoo.com/beauty/15-biggest-beauty-turnoffs-real-guys-150900080.html

FYI, when you look up the words ‘fluff’  and ‘meaningless’ in the dictionary, this article will appear as an example. What I did find interesting was the REAL real guy’s response in the comments section (in bold):

Superficial males? Your kidding right? Thats the ENTIRE female life. Watching what is “IN” fashion, what are the stars wearing, gossip, make-up at all, what will my friends think, etc.. This entire article is fabricated and mostly false. Most guys like simple things, quiet after a long day, sitting on the back porch, or just hanging with a woman who is not uptight, needs him 24/7, shows some independence, does not need constant reinforcement, allows HIM some independence, loves him for what HE is, doesn’t care what others think because SHE is a strong person, etc.. Get it girls. We are pretty simple all in all. There is a reason the boys need to be with the boys from time to time.. TO CLEAR OUR HEADS and relax…

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“I wish my girlfriend would get a manicure more often instead of doing it herself. She is pretty low-maintenance.” Said no man, ever…

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Infidelity and stupidity are my biggest turn-offs.

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Biggest turnon: self-confidence.
Biggest turn-off: insecurity.

That is all.

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I hate it when my girlfriend smashes my skull, douses me in gasoline, then sets me on fire. Total turnoff…

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dark roots? admit it dude: unless she goes 6 months between dye jobs, you don’t notice or even realize the roots aren’t supposed to be there.

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The biggest turn-off is nagging. I can live with (almost) everything else.

——

I think it’s interesting what these ‘helpful articles’ say versus what the commenters say. That is some real mixed messages mindfuck bullshit!

This is why I think you should tell everyone to fuck off and then just be yourself.

What do you think, guys and dolls? Are girls the ones that are superficial and focusing on the wrong things? Do guys just wanna chill and have fun? Or is a bad manicure a real fear and a deal-breaker?

Ask a Bitch!

Published August 25, 2012 by bossymoksie
Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):

I’m thinking of you guys while I’m on my trip! But not really.

My cousin was dating this guy for a few months and they were ‘madly in love’. I didn’t like him. He rubbed me the wrong way but I kept my mouth shut. Until she asked me. I told her and he overheard (they were attached at the hip). Well a week later he dumped her! And he said it was because of her family, meaning me. Now she’s mad at me, because they were picking out wedding rings and everything. Did I mess this up for her?

Um, you’re not the douche here. You’re fucking psychic and just saved her from a lot more pain and heartache down the road. Real love means not dumping your wife-to-be because her family is talking shit. If that were the case then no one would ever get married. You were just the scapegoat. You should be the one that’s pissed!

It’s easy for you to say walk away and not talk, but some of us have to speak up to get what we want! Or else the guy will never know! I have to keep repeating it and letting him know how I feel and why and what he should do. If I just walk away and don’t say anything, nothing will happen.

How’s that out working for you?

What if you really want to get married and you’ve been dating for two years and there’s not even a peep about the subject? Am I supposed to just leave and hope he runs after me and proposes?

It beats running after him for the rest of your life and hoping he proposes. You want something to do? Fine, tell him what you want. Make sure you phrase it as a goal you have for yourself in the near future. Don’t mention him being that husband. See how he reacts. If he acts weird and shifty, then pack your bags. You better be ready for his reaction either way. If he doesn’t want the same and you stick around, then you both know you are playin yourself.

Aren’t ultimatums the same as your “walking boots”? I thought you didn’t believe in ultimatums? Just checking?

Ultimatums gives them a choice, one choice being to ignore the ultimatum. The boots don’t, that’s the difference and they KNOW it.

I have a crush on this guy and he won’t ask me out. I want to let him know that I’m interested but don’t want things to get weird between us if he doesn’t feel that way about me. How can I find out if he likes me too?

Take out a piece of paper. Write ‘Do you like me?’ on it and have a friend pass it to him. J/K! If he’s not trying to see what’s up with YOU, then you need to move on. You’d know if he likes you by his actions.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.

If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.

Relationship Feel-O-Meter

Published August 23, 2012 by bossymoksie

Real life feel-o-meter!

I know, as I have many a girlfriend, that girls like to analyze what guys say and do until the fucking cows come home. Why did he do this? Why did he say that? Does this mean we’re together? Are we on the same page? Will he call me again? Why didn’t he say anything? What did he mean by that? Does he like me? What does he want? Is blue his favorite color?

Oh God, this could go on all day and all night. And it does. Which is why I don’t do this to myself. It’s just something that goes around in circles until your brain wants to eat itself in hopes that you die and can’t think about it anymore. You’d have better luck figuring out the meaning of life and who shot John F Kennedy Jr.!

A better question would be how he made you feel by his behavior?! This is the ONLY question that should be considered!

If it made you feel bad, then you have to do something about it. And you know what I would suggest. If you don’t give a fuck about his behavior, then you’re neutral and I would suggest the same thing. And if it made you feel good- wait, why am I mentioning this, girls never analyze their good feelings.

I see relationships with men in only three ways. Good. Bad. Neutral. Completely arbitrary and emotion based.

Only three feeling modes needed to determine whether or not to continue relationship: Good, Bad, & Neutral.

It’s the Relationship Feel-O- Meter!!!!! And this is all I really need to know. The rest is just bullshit and a waste of time. If I’m feeling good, then things are all good and we can drift away in a sea of good fun-ness together. If I feel neutral, I may stick around until something, or someone else, makes me feel good. Sometimes I read neutral as boredom, and then I will start some drama that might be fun, but also might not be. Who knows. If I’m feeling bad, then he will know. If he doesn’t choose to fix it, then I will. And he won’t may not like it.

It’s also how you know if he wants to stick around (and is worth keeping!). You only want to be with a guy who respects your feelings. So if you’re feeling bad and let him know, he WILL make amends. If he doesn’t, then he could give a fuck about you and it’s time to move on. Even when he says “I care” but still doesn’t lift one finger. He’s really saying he doesn’t. Even if he says he cares, and maybe really does, but he still chooses to do nothing about it. Then YOU have to care enough to make it right with yourself. And I care. I care a WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE LOT. And he better too or else.

I am 100% interested in ME and feeling good about myself and my life. I have 0% interest in excuses. But you ladies love your excuses:

Friend: “His grandmother’s brothers’ cousins’ roommates’ friends’ dog ran away so that’s why he can’t be in a relationship right now and treat me right. He has issues but our love might get him through it if I hang in there.” Whatever. Sounds like he needs his mommy or a psychiatrist, not some girl he can string along to make himself feel better. Newsflash- you will never cure him. Sorry. That’s all on him.

Friend: “You don’t understand how he makes me feel.” No I don’t. You anxiously obsess over every FUCKING move he makes, cry, rant, keep your eye on your phone (that never rings) for his call, rearrange your whole life so you can catch the few crumbs of attention he’s willing to throw you and have a gray cloud over your head 24/7. This is what you want to hold on to? No, I don’t understand voluntarily feeling that way and why that is so awesome.

Friend: “I’m just insecure. I don’t think I actually deserve him. That’s why I want all his attention all the time.” Bitch, get a hobby! Work on your shit and whatever’s making you insecure. He might actually appreciate you more!

If you’ve got the abs of Harry Shum Jr, the smile of Michael Ealy and general suave hotness of Matt Bomer, but are doing things that make me feel like shit, then you are just not worth being hung up on. Fuck around with, maybe. But never to be taken seriously. If you have a whole bunch of excuses and explanations, it goes in one ear and out the other because guess what? I still feel bad and nothing has changed. And now I’ve got to do whatever it takes something to kill that feeling. Even if it means getting rid of you. Because what matters most is keeping that meter reading at GOOD. And if you’re not helping, then you are just in my way.

I hate it when my friends say, “Oh but he has pretty eyes” or some lame variation. Great, admire them from afar instead of circling him like rejected stepchild looking for affirmation. His stupid eyes aren’t worth you crying all over my couch every weekend and ruining my weekend as well as yours.

Speaking of weekends, right now I’m at the ‘Good’ level on my Relationship Feel-O- Meter because my boyfriend is taking me to New York as a birthday gift!!!! I’ve always wanted to go and now I’m going! High five.

Hair Creepers and Pageantry

Published August 21, 2012 by bossymoksie
bar party

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

So, it was my birthday weekend, and unlike some people, I had a busy weekend!

One of the things I did was have a girls night out! And of course some dudes wanted to crash. These guys were pretty fun and supplied us with drinks for most of the night, BUT I got a few things to complain about, because that’s what I do.

Firstly, what is it with guys touching your hair? Is this a thing now? And it’s not the obvious moving-it-out-of-your-face gesture. It’s a sly, I’m-sliding-my-hands-down-your-hair-while-you’re-looking-the-other-way. Several times I thought my hair was caught on my armpit/bra/table and then notice some guys hand moving away from my hair. That is creepy right? Wait, why am I asking you, IT IS FUCKING CREEPY!!! That is creepier than trying to grab a boob or handful of ass. Because it’s just hair. That behavior is reserved for relationships, not for fun time flirting. And if its to make me feel more comfortable about touching in general (yeah I got your number, guys), that is NOT the way.

So I told them (because there was more than one), “Stop touching me”. And they backed off. And then they were all, “Fine, we’ll just talk to your friends” and “We will leave you alone then.” As though I was some hysterical schizo making a big deal out of nothing and inventing crazy shit out of thin air. I love it when guys get all upset when you call them out for dumb/lewd/creepy/WRONG behavior. And then act like you’re the one who’s all crazy in life and overreacting. Don’t even try it.

“Okay. Bye.” Um,  I’m not gonna be butt hurt that you’re going away. YOU WERE MOLESTING MY HAIR! And there’s another corner of the bar filled with dudes who’d like to talk to me so it’s okay if you ALL get out of my face. And off my hair.
Of course they didn’t go anywhere (but my hair was, rightfully, left alone).

The other thing that annoyed me was when one of the guys decided to point out our assets. Now, I love flattery and compliments as much as the next attention whore person but this was just lame. This dude pointed out that I got ‘top’ and my friend had ‘bottom’. Um, I didn’t know I had entered the tits and ass pageant, motherfucker. Also, you can refrain from telling me something I already know. How exactly is this making me want to spend more time with you, let alone fuck you? That’s elementary my dear Watson, yes I have tits and my friend has a nice round ass. Wow, so glad you graduated preschool and are able to label body parts. Too bad you won’t be seeing any up close and personal.