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All posts for the month October, 2012

What It Takes to Win This Game

Published October 29, 2012 by bossymoksie

Some of you see the dating game as a headache! And the way you play it, you should. I see it as potential for maximum fun. Because all you see is the destination. I see the journey as the fun. I enjoy the back and forth. I like the discovery. I especially love to be proven right! I enjoy the small wins as much as the big wins.

And it is a game. With so many rules. So many books, authors, seminars, classes. So many tricks and shortcuts. It’s a multi-billion dollar business, this game. But I’m gonna share with you what it really takes to win.

Before I share my wisdom in what it takes, lemme lead you to it with my line of thinking. For a minute, let’s take your fear/desire/heart/etc. out of the equation and think about this objectively. Because this is what I feel clouds everybody’s thinking and fucks their game all up. We are all just objects, a goal. Yeah. Strangers to each other. We don’t know anything. More specifically, you wanna know what men see when they see women? Vaginas. A good fun time and feeling good and alive.

Yeah, I said it.

Women do it too. But what do they see? Prince Charming. The guy who’s gonna magically solve all their problems and make them finally feel special.

Sometimes this is switched. Women just see a penis to scratch their itch and men see a fairy princess in a tall castle.

Therefore, in the beginning, we don’t actually see each other. We see an object. A goal. Our projection of what we want. And this fantasy continues until:

A) One rejects the other

B) Finally get to know each other after months of dating, fucking, hanging out, etc.

C) Never (even after marriage!)

So, if it’s all just a game, then what do YOU need to do to win? The object of the game is to stand out! You need to somehow get the other person to see beyond their ready-made objectification of you. Be different. You can do many tricks, be a bitch or a jerk for a temporary win. And who doesn’t want a temporary win from time to time! Be a bitch. Flip out about something and then don’t when the same thing happens again. Be a jerk. Don’t commit to anything. Ever. Not even your favorite Slurpee flavor. Keep em guessing. That usually makes you stand out.

But if you really want to win the jackpot, you do it by being you! Because no one else can do that!

And if you don’t wanna play any games at all? Well, fuck all the rules. Because if you really want a connection and love, all you have to do is be your honest, true self. Find someone who can do the same. Then live annoyingly, happily ever after.

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Ask a Bitch!

Published October 27, 2012 by bossymoksie

Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):

I meet guys online and we talk but then nothing! No dates. They push the first dates off. Why bother talking and texting so much then? I thought men were all action, no talk.

Not those men. Maybe you should be a woman of action and get out of the fuckin house to meet guys.

What are some first date ideas?

I recommend an activity versus sitting around. You bond more that way. Even if you’re just walking down a street. But maybe you wanna make it a beach or a lake to seem more romantic. Fairs, festivals,a  car wash (yeah, I said that). Putt putt, museum, the mall. Or even a class! Then you have something to talk about later. Movies are bad and lazy and you’re not giving the girl what she really wants; attention! Dinner is good and hardly any girl will turn down a free meal, but just know that it’s very played and you better have a great personality to make-up for the idea laziness of the date.

I make 35,000 a year, drive a Ford Focus, love to go out to eat on weekends, in shape, and have a 9-5 steady office job. I am a catch right? Why am I single? Would you date someone like me?

Your pitch is boring, making you sound boring, so no. But I’m pretty sure there are girls out there desperate enough for attention who will think you’re interesting enough for them.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.

If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.

Get Out and Touch Someone Part 2

Published October 26, 2012 by bossymoksie

Hey you. Yeah you, sitting there watching “Glee” with your Dreyer’s icecream, 500 thread count Egyptian sheets, hair all a mess,  cell phone next to you as you text several friends at once for attention while complaining about being single. Get a life! Yeah. Because that’s how you become unsingle.

Those men in those Rom-coms aren’t gonna jump outta the screen and sweep you off your feet to live happily ever after with you. (No matter how hard and how much you wish it would!)

Oh, but men wants supermodels and strippers who can drop it like it’s hot at any moment. They want…something else. Someone else. Not you. And there are some superficial, selfish douchbags who do want that. But that’s good news for you, because they eliminated themselves from even approaching you.

As for the rest, they want you honey.

But first you have to get off your ass. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel like a million bucks. Give yourself a makeover, lose those final 10 pounds, see a psychiatrist, psychic, life coach, listen to your favorite song, visit people you like, go to a spin class. Whatever. Do it. Your alternative is just sitting in front of the TV with your ice cream. While that does sound nice, that doesn’t get you into a relationship. That icecream is not gonna help and those kids on “Glee” could give a fuck. You can’t expect the man of your dreams to notice you when you are slumped in a corner of life bemoaning your frizzy hair and singledom.

You have to get confident and glow and show the world how gorgeous and awesome you are (note I didn’t say by spreading your legs). Men want to know they can make you happy, that you are happy, and you share something in common (values, hobbies, fetishes,etc.). Because men want to be around that glow, that confidence. They want to know they are competent in all things (especially you!). And of course they want orgasms. Men are easy, you on the other hand…

Yeah, also um, you’re not gonna get that rich, hot, surfer billionaire sitting on your ass and complaining all day and not taking care of yourself in ALL AREAS (inclusing mental ladies, not just obsessing over your diet). Let’s keep it real. You really should be looking for the guy who treats you right and makes you feel good. Not the guy that you can brag about to all your friends and make your ego feel good. So please, calm that shit down and manage your expectations.

Then you can spend your time eating ice cream and cuddling with someone, instead of doing it by yourself and cursing your life.

I guess I could go out and meet people…or I can just stay inside and complain about not meeting people. Hmmm.

Get Out and Touch Someone

Published October 24, 2012 by bossymoksie

…or not.

Hey you. Yeah, you sitting in front of the computer while watching “Family Guy”. Dirty house, sloppy clothes, unshowered. And why should you be clean? Your single. You’re a grown ass man. You can do whatever you want. And the only people you complain about being single is with your online social circle. Anonymously.

Well, here’s a clue. Supermodels don’t fall out of the sky into fanboys laps. And especially into the laps of half employed dudes who live with their mothers and have no interest in anything other than Warcraft and their next action movie sequel.

Get out. Get a life.

Oh but women want money. They want the stud in the comic books. They want the movie star. Prince charming on a horse that’s gonna make all their problems go away with a valiant swing of their sword. Shut up and stop hiding behind those excuses. Of course there are some women who think that way like supermodels and myself. But not all of them. You know what women want?

They want you to be confident. Do you, whatever that is, and respect it, accept it. They want attention. They want to know you are into them and think they are the best thing ever since Stewey. Yes, even better than your favorite sports team. Even better than those stupid movie sequels and Warcraft. Notice that I didn’t say you should give them up, but you should always know that the women are better. (We are!) They want companionship. And, like you, they want orgasms.

(Most) women are willing to put up with almost any of your other annoying traits if you can deliver these few things. Some would even put up with cheating, your body odor, bald head, and addiction to war craft.

So spend some time in the real world and bring yourself home a woman!

This could be you!

Ask a Bitch!

Published October 20, 2012 by bossymoksie
Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):

I’m crushin on a girly at work. We laugh, can talk about everything and have hung out a few times outside the job. I can see myself gettin down on one knee for her. She is single but I don’t wanna mess up the great rapport we got at work and make it weird. How can I make that happen?

Work and play? Wow, you must really, really like her. Flirt with her and see if she goes with it. If she doesn’t go there with you, she won’t go anywhere else with you. OR just ask her straight up how she feels about you. You won’t ruin your work ‘rapport’ if you continue to act the same way you do now, no matter what her answer is. It only gets weird when you start acting weird. But I’m pretty sure you’ll stop talking to her altogether if she says she’s not interested so I didn’t really need to address that, did I?

i work at Starbuks and have a crush on a guy i work with. He’s a big flirt, i know, and has already dated another co-worker. They are not together anymore. We made out a few times and we get along well. i’m afraid to sleep with him even though i want to. i want this to work but i am not sure if sex will bring us closer or make him not into me anymore.

Fear is there for a good reason. Have you heard the expression ‘another notch on his bedpost’? Look in the mirror honey, because that’s you. He’s already hit it and quit it with another co-worker, and he’s casually made out with you a few times. So I doubt he has different intentions for you. Be honest with him and tell him that you want to be his official girlfriend before having sex with him. (Make sure he acts like a boyfriend too and doesn’t just do lipservice!) Nothing scares a player off faster like commitment. Then you can know where he stands before you open your legs.

How can I get the butterflies back in my marriage? After 5 years and 2 kids I know we are in a rut. We don’t spend much time alone and my wife is hardly ever in the mood to have sex. I don’t want it to be like this for another 5 years. Suggestions?

Suggestion 1-You’re not sticking you’re wife with ALL the housework and child-rearing are you, while she still works fulltime? Because if you are, she has a good reason for ignoring you. She’s fucking busy! So while you’re gazing at her from afar wondering what the hell happened to your sex life marriage, her brain is filled with check lists that she will probably never finish. Help a girl out! She’ll appreciate it. Maybe even enough to feel like sexing you again.

Suggestion 2-Remember the beginning of your relationship? Butterflies, discovery, and lots of sex dopamine. And dates. Lots of dates. Try dating her again and rediscover your relationship away from all the boring responsibilities and obligations.

Suggestion 3- Costumes and toys.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.

If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.

Why Hot Bitches are…Bitches

Published October 19, 2012 by bossymoksie
hot bitches at hooters

Lots of men want to step up, but we only have one vagina.

Tripp Advice recently did a video called “Why Hot Girls are Bitches” and I pretty much agreed with it. But it got my ass thinking. Yes, my ass does think.

I mean we’re not being a bitch for our health! Most of us don’t enjoy it! It takes work. It takes time and energy to come up with bitchy come-backs. We have to pay attention to men’s bullshit and be able to put them in their place instead of enjoying our buzz and dancing on tabletops.

The PUA community refers to this behavior as “shit tests”. But we’re not just throwing bullshit out just for the sake of throwing it out and seeing if you’re man enough to handle it. We are throwing it out to weed some of you bitches out.

There’s too fucking many of you!

Think of it as supply and demand.

If I am running a store and at any given time 10 dudes are in there browsing, then yeah my customer service will be shit. Cause I know if you leave, 1 or 2 more of you bitches will show up in your place.

We gotta discern which one is for real and fuckable. And throwing out bullshit bitchiness is our way of knowing who’s really in it to win it and who isn’t. We wanna know how much bullshit and mockery you’re gonna put up with just to be in our presence and how desperate you are to have the attention of a hot chick for a few minutes. So my ‘difficulty’ is just trying to get you to show your face. And you always end up showing your face. It’s just more efficient to be a bitch and let the pussies and douches dig their own graves. This saves everyone time. And by everyone, I mean me.

If I just went along with you then I won’t know the deal until it’s too late! Fuck that!

I need to know what’s up so I can make an informed decision of what I want from you. Because I’m the decider!

Ask a Bitch!

Published October 13, 2012 by bossymoksie

Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):

How do you turn down men at the club? I don’t want to dance or give my number out to some, but not sure what to say so I do it anyway. I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

Honey, you aren’t hurting their feelings, only their ego. And it’s their ego’s job to take care of them, not yours, so yes, you are excused from fake wanting to dance/give out your number to them. They’ll live. How many times did you give your number out (to some of these same men) and they never called? Yeah, ego. Not feelings. Just like it hurt your ego when they didn’t call. Not your feelings. Don’t get it confused.

Be honest. Just say ‘no’. Some guys will persist. Just hold your ground and walk away if you must, even if he’s in mid-sentence.

Now for the more persistent guys, I get a little creative. It’s all or nothing with them and I’m gonna make damn sure it will be nothing since that’s what I’m feeling for them (besides annoyance). Here are a few suggestions on how to deal with them based on my years of experiences:

-The old ‘I have a boyfriend line’. It’s a classic. And who cares if he sees you freaking some other guy on the dance floor later? By that time, he’s already working on some other girl.

-Fake name. The girls and I all have fake names and know that when we give that name to a dude, that we are not interested in him and want him to go away. We will instantly yank the friend away from the guy and pretend something more interesting is going on elsewhere and ignore the guy.

-Fake numbers hardly work anymore. Guys are really onto that tactic and with cell phones, they can call you on the spot. But what about a fake identity? I don’t have time for an elaborate backstory, but sometimes when I am drunk, I use character’s names on TV.

Yes, I told a guy that my name was Elena and that I was deeply in love with a guy named Stefan who went to my school. I eventually brought up his bad-boy brother, Damon, and how he kept trying to get in the way because I think deep down he’s really into me. (Yeah. It’s “The Vampire Diaries”.)

My friends laugh when I do this. Either the dude catches on and leaves, or gets weirded out and leaves.

NEVER DO MOVIES. Guys know their movies. Even ones you think are obscure. I made the mistake of using “Office Space” names once. It backfired. The guy thought it was cute and that I was flirting.

-Distract him. How do you distract a guy hitting on you? With another girl! I will point out an attractive girl out of earshot of us and lie tell him that the girl has been staring at him all night and is into him. After a few moments, and realizing he is getting nowhere with me, he leaves his original target (me) to go after the ‘easier’ target. Ha!

-Play dumb/deaf. I pretend I can’t hear them or don’t know what they are talking about. Then I walk away.

-Talk like a robot. (Hard to keep up with a straight face for a long period of time with this one).

-Talk about his money. If he tries to change the subject, bring it back to his money. Men either get pissed and write you and your ‘character’ off as too superficial for him, (and more importantly GO AWAY), or they want to be a baller and buy a round of drinks. Win/win.

-Disqualify him with something trivial. For instance, when he tells you his name, say, “I don’t date anyone with that name and I never will!”

“Green is your favorite color??? It’ll never work out with us, yuck!”

“SCARFACE is your favorite movie? I hate guys who love that movie, you’re all the same!”

Whatever the subject is, no matter how small and trivial, you have to act like it’s a life and death dealbreaker that you can’t get past. He will think you’re silly (and not know what to do) and go away.

If you get called out on any of these (which has only happened ONCE!), just say ‘fuck it, I’m buzzed and bored and not interested so I’m having fun’. Just come clean. They will go away after that.

Or you can try this:

*JIC video doesn’t work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wRXa971Xw0
(I actually haven’t tried this. I always forget to.)

It’s your night! You should spend it doing what you want and not wasting your time trying to make some stranger feel better about his desirability, or giving him false hope that he’s getting laid later by you.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.

If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.