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All posts for the month September, 2012

Belated Ask a Bitch!

Published September 30, 2012 by bossymoksie

I’ve been down with a nasty bug or something. And while my minions have been doing things for me, blogging was not one of them!

But here I am, answering your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):

I have a crush on a guy at work. We talk about everything, he texts me all night long after work, and we sometimes take long lunches together. I was pissed when he told me was dating someone, all those talks and he never mentioned her. We are friends now but still talk all the time. It sucks to be on the side and now he talks about his girlfriend to me more. It’s just not fair. Why her and not me. We still talk all the time.

That sounds like a great arrangement! For him. So while you are mooning over him, he gets his ego boosted from all your attention and then gets to fuck his girlfriend. And who do you have holding you and fucking you? Yeah. Stop giving him so much attention. Don’t let him continue taking up so much of your headspace. You have to make room for someone who’s actually available and appreciates you. That is what you want? Right?

How do you get over an ex?

Me? I make sure I think about all the things that annoyed me about him over and over. Then I make sure that I look amazing 24/7. Yes, even when I’m going to bed by myself. Even if I’m just checking the mail. And especially if I’m in a place where I might run into him. Lastly, I do anything and everything that I think is fun and makes me feel good. How do you get over an ex? I would suggest you do the same as me  but most likely you’re just gonna cry and bitch to your friends and possibly stalk him on Facebook.

I really like this girl. I know you say be cool, but it’s hard. I don’t wanna say something that will turn her off, or make her avoid me. And I want to know if she likes me too. How do I stay cool and find out if she feels the same?

Imagine her naked. j/k

Just remind yourself that she’s just another human being you are trying to get to know and connect with and not a mystical mermaid who rose from a sea mist of rainbows to mingle with mere mortals. Again it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. You want to have fun with her right? Then when you’re around her make sure you are having fun! How to know if she likes you? Body language, body language, body language. Learn it, live it, love it.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.
If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.
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We Do Smell Fear

Published September 25, 2012 by bossymoksie

This one is for the boys!

EDIT*: Shout out for Social Kenny at “Kenny PUA” for inspiring this post.

I’ve had rich and successful men and not so rich and successful try to step to me with fear in their hearts and mind. And it makes me laugh. Yes, laugh. Because I know I’m just another girl out there and he is tripping over nothing. I mean I am amazing, but I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna be the love of your life and worth all your bumbling. And even if I was, why would you be afraid of that? You should be happy, confident, and ready to go. Not side stepping, lurking and shifting your eyes when you approach me.

They say never approach beautiful women with fear. They are right. We get approached a lot. We can tell the difference. We hang out with a lot of guys because they want out hang out with us. Yes, we can smell fear and insecurity. It shows in how you talk to us. We don’t like it. Unless of course, our insecurity levels match. Generally, insecurity/ fear is a turn off.

How to avoid this?

Keep it flirty, keep it light.

It doesn’t even matter what you talk about if you keep the tone playful and fun. You could talk about the environment (party/friend you know/store you are both in), you could talk about voting, you could talk about space aliens. Doesn’t matter as long as you keep it playful.

Girls want to have a fun experience, so if you are giving them that, then you are ahead of the game. If we can tell you’re scared or not confident, then you are DOA. And all we’re doing is trying to find a polite way to get rid of you. And that’s if you’re lucky.

You have to take whatever buildup you have about us out of your head. Sure, we could end up being your true love and best friend for life or even the hottest sex of your life. But more times than not, we are just gonna be that girl you fucked around with for awhile, the girl who cheated on you, the girl who annoyed you and was difficult, the girl who was the doormat, the girl who was convenient for you, the girl who showed you what you really wanted, or the girl you fucked up on.

So calm it down. You need to

a) just think of it as a fun. Girls just want to have fun too! And we love attention. You coming over to give it to us, especially if no one else is is a big plus in our book.

b) be able to read nonverbal cues! This is very important! If you don’t know them, google that bitch! You have no excuse. Basically if she is looking you in the eye, with a smile, arms unfolded, body and face facing you, you are good. Any variation of that PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

If she is trying to escape, you need to make the exit first! Do so with a joke or interesting line so she will have doubts about wanting to initially reject you. You should probably try to be the first to exit anyway, even if she’s into you. Too much attention, and she gets spoiled and will take it for granted, or starts to think you are needy. You don’t have to follow her around the whole night, just get her phone number and follow up with her later. Just keep it light and fun! You don’t need to know her deepest fears and desires yet.

Approach and enjoy! We will not scratch your eyes out. Well, most of us won’t.

For effective, flirty texting tips, check out this post by Social Kenny!

Ask a Bitch!

Published September 22, 2012 by bossymoksie

Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):

I have a question for you. It’s about the guy I’m dating. I don’t even know if he can be called my boyfriend but that’s how me and my friends refer to him. We have been dating for two years, and he calls me every day. We hang out most weekends, we talk about everything, the sex is good. It’s like we are boyfriend and girlfriend. But he never introduces me to his friends or co-workers that way. (I’ve met most of them and he with mine, even though he doesn’t hang out with me and my friends.) It’s so confusing. And sometimes he talks about other girls. How they flirt with him and are checking him out. It makes me jealous. Why does he bring that up? I don’t know if he is dating them because I don’t even know if we are boyfriend and girlfriend. And my past two birthday parties, he wasn’t excited about. The first one he said he would come and then didn’t and the second one, he came but sat there like it was torture or something. And then he didn’t let me celebrate his birthday with him and his friends the first year. The second year he begged me to come and it was cool. I know he cares about me and wants to be with me but he still goes out on weekends with his friends on the nights we don’t hang out. And sometimes he disappears and doesn’t want to tell me what he is up to. And he never wants to hang out with my friends, so I can only hang out with him alone or sometimes with his friends. We are both 24 years old. I feel like he is only around when he wants to be. It’s so confusing!

Wow, that sounds shitty. Do you feel shitty? You should, because that is a shitty situation. You know that you want more than what he’s giving you, and yet you still hang with him, hoping that he will magically turn into your Prince Charming. Here’s a clue. He won’t. If you’re not sure whether you’re exclusive, ask him. If he asks you why, tell him someone was interested in dating you and you are unclear as to what is going on between you and you need to know in order to make some decisions. DON’T tell him you want to be exclusive or give him an ultimatum. Just see where he’s really at. Then you need to take a step back and see where you’re really at. I know, I know, you want an exclusive relationship and you want it to be with him. But you need to accept the very high possibility that you won’t get both of those things. After you accept that reality, then tell him you want to be exclusive and see how he reacts. If he starts flopping around like a fish out of water, then you have to let him go. If he steps up, then congrats though I doubt you will be happy in the long run and here’s why:

He also sounds selfish. And you sound insecure. He tells you about the other girls to see your reaction. He either wants you to get a jealous to feed his ego, or to make sure you know that your place is not being the only girl in his life. Either way, it’s shitty and dumb. And why doesn’t he want to hang with your friends? Either your friends are really shitty or he is.  Nothing says ‘I’m in a real relationship’ like hanging out with your significant others’ shitty friends and relatives regularly. Either way, you both have some growing up to do. If a guy wants you to be his girlfriend, he will make it known to you. This guy is playing games. He either likes keepin you insecure, or…

He seems to like his space while keeping you on a long leash. Some guys like to string a girl along in a half-ass relationship until they find something better. Or get their emotional needs met while they still get to act single. And if that’s something that is causing you pain, then you need to cut that bitch off like a gangrene infested foot.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.
If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.

Rule of Mouth

Published September 21, 2012 by bossymoksie

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

A quickie note for you ladies and gents out there fighting the good fight in the dating field this weekend. Here’s my unscientific, but very important theory when it comes to conversation with men, especially in the dating scene. This can apply to any conversation, with anyone though.

My theory is that whatever is mostly on someone’s mind, is what is gonna come out of their mouth. Except it goes through a filter from their brain to the mouth. Which means you are getting filtered version of what’s on their mind; a fraction of what they are truly thinking. Still, it’s enough to let you know where they are at. I refer to it as the Rule of Mouth.

Check it.

Sample conversation:

Me: Hey!

Guy:  Hey sexy lady? How are things with you?

Me: lol. Same-o, same-o. What’s going on tonight?

Guy: Nothing. Staying in. Wanna keep me company?

Me: No thanks. I’m trying to go out.

Pop quiz, ladies! Can you tell what he’s mainly thinking about when talking to me? And guys, can you tell what’s not on my mind. Yeah, his dick.

His mind is on one track, even when I’m not going on that track with him. He’s telling me exactly what’s on his mind.

My friends do this too.

Friend: I’m so excited about my wedding. I think I’m gonna have my dog be the ring bearer. I saw it in a movie.

Me: Awesome. The girls wanna go to [club name] tonight. Maybe eat before. You wanna come?

Friend: Hmmm. Maybe. You know what? I’m thinking of getting catering from PF Changs for our wedding. Our first date was there. What do you think?

Me: I think you are making me hungry for Chinese.

See what’s on her mind?

And then these bitches are hoping I will do something about it like be a bridesmad or have sex. Boo.

So ladies and gents, it’s not so hard to read most people’s minds. Because they always bring the subject back to what is on their mind. Do what you will with that information.

Ask a Bitch!

Published September 15, 2012 by bossymoksie
Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):

Just to give you an update, I am not seeing that guy I had ‘rockin sex’ with anymore. The last time I saw him, he hugged me and told me to have a nice weekend. Which meant we wouldn’t be spending it together. He hasn’t called me since. What the hell happened?

Um, you were just having sex. That’s what happened. Next time you want to get to know someone, I suggest you do that, and that only.

I have a crush on this guy and he is dating someone else. It’s frustrating because we flirt and talk all the time. What does he want from me?

He’s already getting it. You’re attention and swooning over him. How does that make you feel? Not good? Then move on. You are using him for attention too.

I am also dating a married guy. It wasn’t planned, just like that other lady who emailed you. He is miserable and confused. Plus he has kids and he doesn’t want to lose them. I want him to leave his wife so we can be together and be a real couple. How can I make him see that it would be for the best?

Why? Married guys who date outside the marriage want their wedding cake and eat it too. Maybe you weren’t looking to date a married guy but he was looking for someone who would date him on the side.

I went out with this guy I liked ALOT and met at a bar. I told him that I didn’t want to have sex or anything on the first date (he brought it up). He said he was cool with that. We went out and he was still hot and great to talk to. But we did end up making out in his car. Almost to the point where we had sex. I’m kind of upset that it happened because I didn’t want that but he made a move and I went with it because it felt good and I didn’t want to put up a fight since we were having a good time. How do I make sure it doesn’t happen on the next date? I know he will think I will have sex with him!

Because you probably will in order to keep the good date on the good date feeling mode. And he knows it. There’s a difference between not wanting to have sex with a guy because you’re not ready, or because you don’t want him to think you’re a slut. Figure out which one of those it is for you. And when he tries to make a move, fuck the good date vibe and just say no. You will both survive. So will the date. You’ll hear from him again if he really likes you.

I’m in love with a guy who has a girlfriend! I knew him before they met and we dated for a while. We broke up and have been friends since. Sometimes we have slept with each other. And we sometimes still do. Why doesn’t he let me go? Why is he with her and not me?

Because she has more but not much more self-esteem than you. Keep it moving. IF A GUY REALLY WANTS YOU, HE WILL BE WITH YOU AND ONLY YOU. YOU WILL HAVE NO DOUBTS ABOUT IT. HE WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. He’s not stringing you along because he desperately loves you. He’s stringing you along because you are convenient and there. Otherwise he could give a fuck. I suggest you stop giving a fuck as well.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.

If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.

Ask a Bitch!

Published September 8, 2012 by bossymoksie
Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):

I met a great guy at a bar two weeks ago. He was charming & smart & funny and we had a great meeting. We talked on the phone a few times and he mentioned his love of golf. I think it’s boring. He wanted to take me but I didn’t want to go, not for our first date. Maybe down the road. So he said he would take me out to eat so we could get to know each other more. And that he also had a surprise for me. When he picked me up for the date, he wanted to ‘surprise’ me first and took me straight to a golf course. I was pissed! He ignored what I said to him. Should I give him another chance?

Only if you plan on going back to the course. If not sooner, then definitely later, because that’s seems to be a dealbreaker for him. If he ignores other requests and boundaries you have, which he seems to have the potential to do, then RUN.

I’m in love with a married man. We weren’t looking for each other, but it happened. I know he won’t leave his wife for me even though he is very unhappy. I know all married men who cheat say they are unhappy, but he really really is. His wife has most of the money; they have properties, investments, horses, and country club status to maintain. His business isn’t very stable so if he leaves her, he will lose everything.

If he really, really is unhappy in his marriage, then he was looking for someone like you all along to string on the side. But someone else’s money and lifestyle seems to be more important to him than you or his ‘happiness’. If this is working for you, then have at it. But I doubt it, why did you send this info to me?

P.S. in my own defense – At least female goldiggers are faithful! When it comes to a cash cow, we do not fuck around!

If I don’t come on too strong with my money, then how do you get a girl interested? And keep her interested?

Do you have a personality? Then use it.

I am dating a guy who is giving me lots of  attention, and I know its early (3 weeks), but I like him, the sex is off the hook, and we are having fun. We also know that we have to get to know each other, and we are interested in getting to know each other and want to make it work. Sometimes its nice to just go along with it and let it play out. But I am concerned that we may never actually go through the ‘getting to know each other’ part. How do I make sure that happens?

Aw. That does sound like fun. Until it doeasn’t play out in the way you wanted it to. Hey, if you wanna have fun, have fun. But don’t make it more than what it is. You’re interested in getting to know each other?Riiiiiiiiight. I’m sorry but it doesn’t take a genius to know that the ‘off the hook’ sex is gonna eclipse that. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. How many more ways can I say it?

There is this guy who says he likes me and we talk and text all the time, but he never invites me out on a date. He always invites me to come over to his place. I’ve held out so far but I’m curious as to what will happen. Should I hold out for a real date or just go over there and see what happens?

You’re curious to see what will happen if you go over there? LOL. If you wanna ‘fun fuck’ and get some temporary attention, go for it. If not, then wait for another guy to ask you out on a date. This dude has no plans to.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.

If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.

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You Love Me For Me, Could You Be More Phony?

Published September 7, 2012 by bossymoksie

My friend met a dude a few months ago and they instantly hit it off. They talked about marriage and kids and where they wanted to settle down. This was in the first week of dating. A dream, right? Wrong.

Three months later they were done. He slowly stopped paying attention to her and she was phased out of his life. The sex haze was over. But what about all those future plans of forever and ever? What happened to that?

Lemme tell you something about guys who promise you shit they think you wanna hear the world in the first few convsersations/meetings. You should runaway as fast as you can. Because they are one of three things:

One: Desperate and needy. Two: Desperate and horny. Three: Desperate and on a deadline to bed the next human girl they come in contact with or else his alien friends will demolish the planet Earth because they are bored and it’s a Friday night.

Let’s address the first two because if the third option is actually true, we’re all just fucked anyway.

One: Desperate and needy. These dudes are emotional vampires. They are always around…to get on your nerves. You will get all the attention you ever wanted. And even more attention that you never wanted. And then you have to give it in return. That job you have, fuck it. That’s not important. Friends? They don’t need you as much as he does. Hobbies? He wants in to ruin them. Family? You didn’t get along with them anyway right? The world revolves around him and anything you say or do that may suggest otherwise, you know like have a real life of your own, sends him into a depressed end of the world state that only your constant time and attention can heal. Ugh, lets move on. This dude is a waste of time.

Two: They are desperate and horny. These are just guys trying to get laid. Could be players. Could not be. Either way, this is just his way of getting some. His ‘game’ so to speak. What I don’t get is how women buy that a dude wants to spend the rest of his life with you after meeting you for 2 seconds.  HE DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW YOU. One of two things are going on.

One: You are arrogant like I am. So naturally when a dude trips all over himself and wants to spend the rest of his life kissing your ass, you believe it. It’s expected. Except that you aren’t as impressed by it when it happens because it happens so often. You are entitled to it. I’m thinking it’s more because-

Two: Your self-esteem is hurting. It’s hurting so much that you are willing to believe that this total stranger loves and accepts your complete being. He doesn’t even need to know who you really are, he just loves you and thinks you’re the best thing that ever happened. And you want this so badly, that you decide that you love him too, even though you don’t even know his last name or whether or not his hobby is killing puppies in his backyard.

This I don’t get. Because your mom, or some family member equivalent, has been telling you how amazing you are your entire life. But, no you don’t believe her. Too much bias. Your besties have been telling you this since you’ve known them. But fuck those bitches. They’re required to say that. You will only believe how awesome you are if Steve at the bar tells you, 15 minutes after meeting (and after a drink or two). That’s the only time you will believe! Him or the hot guy at Starbucks. That’s it! Anyone else who dares call you amazing or beautiful are lying bitches who deserve to go to hell with their insincere compliments and ulterior motives. You will only believe it if it comes from a guy you are attracted to, because he is completely objective and automatically knowledgable about all things that are you.

I take whatever men say in the beginning with a grain of salt followed by a good margarita. Instead I pay attention to their behavior. They don’t know me. How could they know how awesome I am? They can’t. They are not Yoda. They are just dudes.

If he is saying he wants to get to know you, but then is trying to push you into the bedroom, then you know what’s up.

Here’s what I hear guys really are saying in the first few encounters.

GUY TALK DECODER:

Let’s go back to my/your place and watch a movie/have coffee/whatever other bs scenario = Let’s have sex.

I want to get to know you better = I want to get to know you better in bed.

Let’s have kids = Let’s have sex.

Your outfit is amazing = Your outfit would look amazing on my floor while we’re having sex.

You’re amazing = You are amazing but I can tell you don’t know that so I will say it in hopes of sleeping with you, hopefully tonight.

You have pretty eyes = Your tits are great but I’m trying real hard to keep looking in your eye so that you think I am a good guy and want to sleep with me, hopefully tonight.

And for the truly dense:

I want to have sex with you = I want to have sex with you.