I signed up for Myspace.com about a year ago. They allegedly had a makeover and it was not about teens putting half naked pics of themselves online trolling but about entertainment and your favorite celebrities. After creating the account, I forgot about it. A week or so ago I got mad at Facebook, and recently went back to see what it’s all about. And I had a whole bunch of emails and friend requests from dudes. Which pissed me off. Why? Because they were all telling me how hot I was. I usually love that shit, hell I expect it, but I hadn’t put a picture of myself up there. It was a picture of Nicki Minaj. She had on shades but it was a pic from a magazine. With the magazine name on the bottom. BUT SOMEHOW EVERY SINGLE DUDE THOUGHT THAT WAS A PICTURE OF ME. How fuckin dumb are you? How horny are you? Did your other head obliterate all brain cells in your head? Wow.
So I accept some friend requests. While browsing the celeb pages on the site, a chat pops up from one of my new friends. I don’t remember the name. L. Bsomething. No pic. He says hi. So I go with it. And what follows is the most debonair, awesome, eloquent meeting of the minds that got me so hot amused and annoyed bothered that I had to delete my Myspace account. Immediately.
Siderant: I tried for 3 hours to get a copy of this chat (so I could post it here verbatim). But I finally learned that Myspace didn’t have a way to pull up past chats since they just updated their chat feature. So this is from memory.
Lbsomething: You’re hot.
Moksie: I know. But that isn’t a pic of me. It’s Nikki Minaj. From a magazine.
Lbsomething: Why no pic of you?
Moksie: Not sure if I want to be on Myspace yet.
Lbsomething: Where do you live?
Moksie: Where do YOU live?
Moksie: We don’t live in the same state. Even if we did, I wouldn’t be coming over.
Lbsomething: Why not?
Moksie: That’s not how I roll. I don’t need to meet dudes online to get laid.
Lbsomething: How big are your breasts?
Moksie: I can tell you’re a breast man by the friends on your page.
Lbsomething: Yeah.I like breasts. What’s your bra size?
Moksie: What if I told you I was flat?
Lbsomething: That’s okay. You have a nice ass.
Moksie: I didn’t say I was flat. I just wanted to know what you would say if I did. And that picture is still not me.
Lbsomething: I want to fuck you.
Moksie: You wish!
Lbsomething: Come over.
Moksie: I still live in another state.
Lbsomething: I want to stick my dick inside you.
Moksie: I wanna know how big your bank account is.
Lbsomething: It’s really BIG.
Moksie: Like 7 digits big? Or six? I need a digit. Because I’m not a saltines and ramen noodles kind of girl.
Lbsomething: I have a lot of money. GET OVER HERE SO I CAN FUCK YOU.
Moksie: I’m sorry but I don’t fuck losers who troll Myspace for ass. Have fun with your hand and your other friends on Myspace.
He then ended the chat. And un-friended me. And after figuring out that the chat was lost in cyberspace forever, I deleted my myspace account. Because a girl can only take so much
sexual harrassment romance and seduction.
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