I was innocently checking my email one day when I recieved an email from a male acquaintance that was out of town. Well out of the country. His email read:
Hey, would you ever date a guy like me?
???????????????????????????
I wrote: Do you know who you emailed? What’s going on over there?
He wrote: Yes, I do know who I emailed. LOL. Things are great over here I just thought I’d ask and stop torturing myself.
WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAT…
THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…
FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK?!
A little backstory. Met him through a family member and this is a really, really, solid, standup, good guy. The real deal (as far as I know). He has helped my friends out a lot. We just thought he was a good guy. I even offered to go to lunch with him (him paying of course) and my friends and I invited him out to a few things so that we could all hang, and not just have him around when we needed something. He declined. Okay. Shit. Not gonna force you to hang out with me us, especially if you just wanna give favors. Sometimes I felt like he would actually avoid me when we were in the same room together as a group.
So how do I respond? I’m just gonna be honest cuz, fuck it it’s the best policy.
I wrote: This is random, that’s why I asked. I honestly never thought about it. You’re a ‘good on paper guy’.
He wrote: Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. I was gonna holla at ya sooner but you and your friends were dissing *DOUCHEFRIEND so hard when he asked you out so I backed down. I was talking to a friend and told her that you’re cool and fun but don’t take shit from anyone and she told me to not wait and go for it if that’s what I feel so I thought why not and that’s why I emailed you. Don’t wanna make you uncomfortable, just wanted to put it out there.
I wrote: LOL at DOUCHEFRIEND. You know his ass deserves to be joked! I’m not uncomfortable, it’s just out of the blue from someone who seemed to avoid me. Anyway, like I said I don’t think of you in that way.
And because I’m nosey and wonder what the fuck kind of logical reasoning this guy has I write:
How come you never hung out with us when we invited you?
He wrote: I was too shy and weighing the pros and cons. I’m used to girls making the first move but the ones I’m interested in I get too nervous and think I’m not good enough.
Okaaaaaaaaaaay, so he finally wracked up some nerve when he was halfway across the FUCKING GLOBE. That’s what it took to ask me out? A few continents and oceans between us? Funny how you want to be close to someone but you stay as far away from them as possible. And why would you admit that you don’t think you are good enough? If you want a sympathy vote, fine. But it does not make a woman attracted to you or interested in wanting to know more. In fact, for me, it makes me want to run the other way because I don’t want to deal with other wacky, random behavior that may pop up from your not thinking you’re good enough.
He is a good guy. But his dating approach has turned him into the nice guy, and you know how much I love them. I think one thing that pisses me off about the dating game and approach from guys is how are you gonna do everything else but try to CONNECT to the girl that you want a connection with? And they say girl logic is crazy.
My reply?
I forgot to. Until now. Because he is back in town.
I’m curious as to what advice some of you would give this guy. Yes, I am asking YOU.
*nickname inspired by personality
bossymoksie 
Give him a shot! What’s the worst that could happen? You hate him, and set him on fire? What if he’s awesome?
Second.
I am not remotely attracted to him. Not before this and especially not after.
If I’m honest I’ve been him far too often but I’ve never said to a girl “I’m not good enough for you” even if I have thought it. That’s a good way to ensure that she’ll never be interested – unless she is the sort of person to go out on a pity date with somebody.
If he was terrified asking you in person then he shouldn’t have done it at all. He should have waited until he saw you again.
I concur. Though it wouldn’t have helped him unless he built up some attraction. But to avoid me and then ask me out while out of town…strange. Not interested.
Advice for this guy? First thing he needs to do is go read the chronicles and social Kenny. Then he needs to man up and stop asking women if they like him. That’s a simpish thing to do. Make his intentions known from the start. When a group of women invite you out, GO!
I don’t believe that women always make the first move with him. Men with options like that don’t send emails like that. I think he was doing that to save face.
Based on what I know about you, I don’t see you giving this guy a second chance. You would put him in a trick bag after the first round of drinks haha. He needs to just start fresh with someone that doesn’t know this stuff about him. You can’t convince women to go out with you. 100% cooperation only. You end how you start with women.
lol, I was tempted to give him links to both your sites.
And you can’t logically convince a woman to date you like you said. You have to build attraction, which he neglected (due to insecurity).
I think what he meant by “woman always make the first move” is that he never makes the first move. I could make the same statement and it would be true, but only because of my lack of initiative, not because I’m a hot commodity.
I don’t think he intended on this email asking-for-a-relationship-but-not-really working out. Probably just wanted an encouraging ego boost and thought to himself, “well, what’s the worst that could happen?” Directing him to Reema’s/Kenny’s blogs would definitely be good.
Hey egointhesea! Nice hearing from you!
I understood the same thing you did when he said that women make the first move.
I hate it when guys half ass ask me out.
I think he was thinking, ‘why not?’
The advice for him would be: if you want something go and get it.
I think if you do not say “no” to him, than when he comes back he might even try to sweep you of your feet, as long as he believes he has a chance.
Short and sweet advice. Thanks.
I doubt he knows how to sweep someone off their feet (due to his experiences) so I won’t be holding my breath.
I stumbled upon this site from another site you commented on but this post was very interesting to say the least. So, as one who has no clue about you at all and has only read this one post…
1. You invited him out to hang out with you and friends… he declined and that’s a bad sign.
2. He emails you after the fact to prep you for his next attack which would be when he returns… that is very behind the scenes and not a good sign.
3. He claims to be shy? Maybe so but it sounds more like he likes his women to himself and doesn’t want to share their attentions with others. I would make him hang out with you and your friends for at least four or five nights before giving him any hope of dating you because if he can’t do that when he does date you he will try to keep you to himself and that is not a good thing in any relationship.
I agree! All flags that don’t say “I should date this guy”. Thanks for your input!
If it means free sbarros pizza, then at least consider it.
Good advice. If what you mean by sbarros pizza is lobster tail and filet mignon and a few mai tai’s. 🙂