Once upon a time, a long, long time ago in a land far away… I would let those mechanics change the air filter in my car along with my oil change.
some dude in the waiting room a little birdie told me that air filters were like $10 at Autozone. I was paying $30-$40 for the mechanic to do it.
I became instantly enraged. I was being swindled. I was bamboozled! I was being taken advantaged of! No way. No fucking way I was going to let this bullshit go down ever again. How dare they? HOW DARE THEYYYYYY! Yes, I really got that pissed.
Who did they think they were?
I told them to cease and desist this air filter replacement process and give my car back. They stammered excuses but I was not gonna shut up until they obeyed. And you know how much men love it when a women won’t shut up, especially when they are pissed. So I got my way.
I decided that I was gonna put that bitch in myself, and be all independent and awesome superwoman who doesn’t get taken advantaged of at the car shop. Hear me roar, bitches. Hear. Me. ROAR. It was a triumphant decision.
I know quite a bit about beauty products, and hair products, face products, and clothes.
I know jack shit about cars.
I went to Autozone and had some dude find the right air filter for me.
Then I came home. The sun would be coming down in a few hours, so time was short and I needed to put it in TODAY. Just out of principle
and to validate the superwoman awesomeness of ME in my head.
I don’t know why I didn’t think to call a male friend or refer to Google. I was determined to do this myself. And I knew my amazingness would be able to figure it out.
I popped the hood of my car and stared inside. Everything just looked black and ugly and foreign. I decided I needed help.
So I went back to my apartment and grabbed all the random tools I had; a hammer, and two different types of screwdrivers.
As I marched back to my car a guy yelled down at me from his apartment’s balcony.
“Hey! What are you doing?”
I knew him. I met him once at a job I was at and he quit two days later. We happened to live in the same apartment complex so I had seen him around since then.
“I am changing my air filter!”
“Do you know how?”
“No. But I WILL!” I replied, raising my fist with the hammer in the air.
“Wait a minute. I’m coming down.”
Ugghh. Why was he butting his nose into my business??!!!! Guys always gotta get all up in your shit. And he was wasting my precious time that I had with the sunlight. The sun was going down! I knew, just knew, it was gonna take an hour or so. I mean, that’s how long it took the mechanics at the shop and they actually knew what they were doing. This had to be done today, TODAY, or else my stand against those fuckers would not count.
He came downstairs and we walked to my car. He stood in front of it, ready to take over. I was not happy because he just stared at my engine for a few minutes and I had already gone through that process.
Then he said, “Hand me the filter”.
I put down my tools and grabbed the filter from inside my car. I handed it to him.
Snap, snap. Click, click. He clicked some covering and took out the old dirty filter and handed it to me, then he took the clean air filter and snapped it inside some secret casing under the hood.
Done. In less then five minutes.
I looked down at my pile of tools. Guess I wouldn’t be needing those.
“Thanks!” I said.
“No problem,” he replied.
And then I had extra time to work on my hair and go party with my friends and lived happily ever after with my car
until I totaled it.
Now I let my friends change it for me. Thanks ‘that guy’!