meme

All posts tagged meme

McDreamy Mug Shot, WTF Ladies?

Published June 23, 2014 by bossymoksie

Ladies.

NO.

Just, no. Stop.

mcdreamy mugshot

More like McNightmare than McDreamy….

Calm it the fuck down. Step away from the mug shot and ‘Like” button. Get off your ass, and go meet some available, real life guy that doesn’t have a rap sheet of carrying weapons illegally and using them on people.

You are embarrassing yourselves right now.

I hate, HATE!, to say this but I am so Team Guys-Who-Complain-About-Women right now.

 

All The Single Ladies!

Published February 13, 2014 by bossymoksie

It’s hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Valentine’s Day returns!

I just wanted to say that contrary to the tired cliche, I actually like being single on Valentine’s Day. Don’t get me wrong, having a date or a boyfriend is great too. But when I’m single, I like to treat Valentine’s Day just like any other holiday or weekend, an excuse to partay!

There’s no expectation and hype about what the guy is gonna do and incessant questions from friends about what I’m doing I mean get your own life!, followed by the mild disappointment when the plans are pretty much like any other awesome date except with flowers. For me, it’s really not that serious, not nearly serious enough to see Valentine’s themed chocolate and balloons in the stores since January. But I guess people need to be given stuff to look forward to, unlike me where any day I don’t have to work is a cause for celebration.

But there is just one hitch that tries to rain on my single Valentine’s party time parade.

Other single ladies.

Because most single ladies choose this day to throw the biggest forever alone pity party, hence perpetrating the cliche forever alone jokes.

happy valentines day

The black hole where the minds of singles go. Don’t take me with you!

I know, I know, everywhere you turn there’s a Valentine’s Day commercial of smiling women getting jewelry and flowers and hugs, from their GQ boyfriends or husbands. Yeah, yeah yeah, everyone else is in a blissful relationship except for you and you’re gonna drown yourself (and your fun loving friend!) in that misery today. You dwell on what you don’t have and what you’re not getting this year. Which you conclude means that you’ll die alone. And that’s all you want to complain about all day. Sober or drunk.

forever alone ben and jerrys

You do know that you have more choices than this.

Stop it. Just stop.

I’m just here to say, it doesn’t have to go down that way. First some perspective. All those commercials and pink and red themed candies and gifts at the store is just to get peoples money. Don’t use their presence to torture yourself. Also, everyone who is in a relationship isn’t in a blissful, happy one. Be grateful that you’re not in a shitty relationship, which would guarantee an even shittier Valentine’s day. Promise.

Celebrate that you are alive and healthy, that you have friends willing to hang out with you today and have some fun that you hopefully won’t ruin with your self pity. There’s always a bright side and I suggest you focus on that. It’ll be better for you. But more importantly, better for me. Please don’t make me wish I was back at work.

happy valentines day

I love spending valentine’s with the person I love most. Me!

valentines day

Who doesn’t love a good sale?

HAPPY VALENTINES’ DAY!

Why I’m Avoiding Serious Relationships

Published April 3, 2013 by bossymoksie

Real talk time.

I’ve been wanting to do this post for the past two months but I’ve been procrastinating which is how I like to roll. (P.S. Why is thinking about serious, deep shit never fun? It’s never fun to sit around and have your soul start talking shit to you that you’d rather not hear. It’s much better to do…anything else. I guess if keeping it real with yourself was more fun, more of us would be doing it more often. This is why alcohol and loud music is so handy sometimes. That and a trail of guys willing to be nice distractions whenever you call.)

reality meme

Ugh…real thoughts.

After my big break-up and my cash-cow funny crash and burn date, I wanted to sit and think about what was really going on with me. It’s occured to me that I really don’t want a serious relationship. It’s not like I need to date 6 guys at one time to feed my ego. My ego is already big and is easily fed in almost any other situations. I like seeing one guy at a time, and I like knowing that someone will be there when I want attention, and the idea of sharing your life with someone who knows you and everything else that already happened is appealing. Isn’t the latter what friends are for though? But when a guy starts his serious settling down talk, I want to do this.

What you say?

What you say?

Why do I have that reaction? Most of you know all the shit I talked about marriage and settling down, and how I’ve run away from a few proposals. But like any smart bullshitter person, you can really make an argument for whichever side you feel like being on that day.

So what’s behind all those brilliant posts of yesteryear?

I paid attention to all the wifey wedding crap my girlfriends talk about whenever the subject of boys comes up did an informal poll. What I realized is what pops up into their minds when it comes to marriage is way different from what pops up in my mind. Lemme show you.

WEDDINGS

THEM: A huge, glamorous wedding where everything is perfect and beautiful (meaning yourself) and everyone wants to be you. This day will be THEIRS perfect.

All eyes will be on me, or they will all pay.

All eyes will be on me, or they will all pay.

ME: Planning a huge party where you don’t even get to get wasted at, having to invite people you try to avoid most of the year and knowing these bitches are gonna try to hijack YOUR party to make themselves seem important and relevant because deep down they know they suck at life.

Who asked you to come anyway? Oh yeah, I did. Damn.

Who asked you to come anyway? Oh yeah, I did. Damn.

BABIES

THEM: Babies who smile, laugh, and be cute all the time.

Awww. So precious...in a 2 dimensional picture.

Awww. So precious…in a 2 dimensional picture.

ME: Babies who cry and shit all the time and YOU have to do something about it.

Oh. Dear. God.

Oh. Dear. God.

INTIMACY

THEM: Always having a date whenever you need one.

date night

We ordered the same food, aren’t we so in sync and in love?

ME: Never having a date again. EVER.

staying in

Umm, what about that ‘Dateline’ show? Oh, it’s repeat. Kinda like this night.

THEM: More romantical and cuddling moments to come forever and ever and ever.

romantic couple with rose

This rose is a symbol of the purity and beauty of us, and our forever love.

ME: Forgetting that the other person exists, even though you live with them.

reddit wife meme

Why even get married???

KIDS

THEM: Kids that say the darndest things when out in public.

smiling kids

“[Love is] Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.”

ME: Kids who throw a tantrum everytime you go out in public to handle your business.

kid tantrums

Hey kid! It’s my job to throw a tantrum on the floor when I don’t get what I want.

Now you can see why I feel offended, sometimes even hurt, when the guy who says that he loves me wants to do this shit to me. WHY? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY WOULD HE WANT TO DO THIS TO ME?!

My life is the one that’s gonna change! His, not so much. Sure he gets the awesomeness that is me. And when the actual baby shit hits the fan, my smart ass will have a smart quip or solution for it.  But what is he giving up besides not sleeping with other chicks. Which we all know some don’t even keep up on that ONE sacrifice.

MY life is the one that’s gonna change in a big, unpleasant way. You can call it growing up and being an adult and shit all you want. Well, I don’t wanna. So there. There it is. And if you think I’m bossy now, wait until the responsibilities start rolling in. When I order my BLT salad with a side of Ranch AND Honey Mustard dressing and extra Avacado on the side with a half and half mix of Sprite and Strawberry Lemonade, that’s not just a lunch order, that’s a sign of things to come. You’ve been warned.

Last note on fears.

One. Kids are just fucking scary! There was a time when you worried about accidentally killing your own child by doing something wrong. These days you have to worry about your kids killing YOU and everyone they know. And you know who everyone truly blames. Gun laws. THE MOTHER. Talk about a red face! Too soon? Even if they don’t go postal on the world, the teenage years are never a picnic. They think they know everything when they know squat. I will literally roll my eyes at them everytime they walk into the room because I know they will be saying stupid shit as though they are some geniuses. And I would know!

Two. I am more afraid of this than the first fear: Boredom. Couples get busy, you get into routines, you get complacent. So then, no more spontaneity? No more adventure? No more discovery? That’s it? For most women, marriage is the endgame. But I think of it as the end…of living.

zombie girls

We will eat your brains and you will join us in talking only about baby formula and your husband’s favorite socks.

If marriage is the end all and be all, that’s all there is?

wasteland car

I sure as hell ain’t ending up here!

Scary.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Published February 14, 2013 by bossymoksie
reeses valentine candy

Best candy EVER! Nom, nom, nom, nom…

Couples, enjoy each other!

Single guys, go get laid!

Single ladies, go get laid. If that’s not for you then go do something nice for yourself!

HOLIDAY MEME TIME!!!!

grumpy cat meme

Oh grumpy cat…never satisfied!


See more on Know Your Meme

meme will ferrell

Have some perspective, people.

valentines day card

More perspective!

valentines announced

And more perspective.


See more on Know Your Meme

Programming Note

Published August 17, 2012 by bossymoksie

I won’t be posting Ask a Bitch! this weekend because I got people to see and places to be. Hope you all have a good one.

Also, I try to make an effort to visit new visitors (and my regulars) and at least comment and read a few posts, but I’ve been slacking off this month because of all the sex I’m having of the increased activity on my blog! I am happy to be getting more attention (duh) and will be catching up with you sooner or later!