Hello my peeps! Just dropping in to say hi and let you know I’m still alive and kicking. I’ve been out summer-ing and enjoying being away from the laptop. (I’m also enjoying making up new words!)
I just wanted to give props to Introverted Playboy and a post he did about women who act bitchy towards men in the dating scene. He made great observations as to why some of us act this way and it is spot on! (He also makes suggestions as to how to deal with it, also spot on).
If you’re too lazy or uninterested to read, it’s basically a defense mechanism. It’s a way to lessen the number of interactions that we give our undivided attention to. And not waste time with guys we don’t like, for whatever reason. If you have multiple dudes approaching you all the time, not just the club, and most of them act entitled, aren’t attractive or interesting to you, or obviously just trying to waste your time to get something they want, you’re not always gonna be in a good mood when you are approached!
Honestly, whenever I notice a guy noticing me, or when a new guy speaks to me even, I am already on the defense. My smiles and friendliness are earned! I have to see that you are cool and not a weirdo first. I could be laughing up a storm and clowning it up with a group of people, male or female, but as soon as a new guy enters my sphere to directly interact with me, the bitch shield goes on stand by.
We can’t be Miss America and be all smiles to everyone all the damn time. It’s really not my job in life to reinforce your attractiveness or worth as a man by coddling you when you step up to me. I’m sorry if that took you a lot of nerve to come over and say hi, which I’ve learned from the blog-o-sphere is a pretty large feat for guys. But it is definitely not my job to affirm every single fucker who has the inclination to approach me and take up some of my time and space unless there is some sort of job out there where I can get paid to do that. If there is, please email me and let me know where I can apply! Don’t take it personal.
P.S.- Sometimes I may be in a bad mood that has nothing to do with you at all. Again, don’t take it personal.
That is all.
Happy Summer-ing!
bossymoksie 
I can’t imagine you ever acting like a bitch haha.
LOL! You got me! I am mostly a bubbly goof ball. But when I see a guy approaching I literally wipe the smile off my face. After reading your post I get that it’s kind f a defense mechanism because I’m not sure what’s going to happen, and most approaches are weird or boring. But if the guy can make me laugh and be chill then it’s all good, whether I’m attracted to him or not.
BTW have you heard of Alan Roger Currie? I’m curious what do you think of his method with women of being direct and to-the-point?
No I haven’t. I’ll look him up and get back to you or write a post on him.
I’m with ya girl….You Tell it like it IS!!!!
xx
Soox
Thanks! Good to see you’re back!
I was taught to always be friendly and polite when approached in a social situation. So if I get a negative reaction I know this person was not taught like I was. With such a high percentage of dysfunctional women out there I feel it’s best to move on to a path of lesser resistance. Too many fish sticks in the sea.
‘fish sticks’ lol
That’s a good way to be. I think you should move on if someone is negative and bitchy.
But take into account, that a girl may have been approached all day (or night if it’s a club) and it wasn’t pleasant, so she may be on the defense. But like you said, if you don’t have the time or patience for that, move on. That’s partly the reason why we are being negative, so that you will! But it’s not always personal. I do it specifically so that person will go away, and because it’s effective.
I think everyone should be given the chance to be themselves. Defense begets defense. The idea is get them to drop the façade as quickly as possible so you can then make the rational decision to blow the guy off or allow it to escalate.
“The idea is get them to drop the façade as quickly as possible so you can then make the rational decision to blow the guy off or allow it to escalate.”
I pretty much agree with your whole comment. And that idea is great. In theory. How would a guy drop his facade in the first few minutes of interacting with you? Some do. Many don’t.
I’d be put off by somebody acting like that – I was never cut out for chatting somebody up in public!
From what I know about you from your blog, you seem like you would be respectful in your interactions anyway. The bitchiness isn’t reserved for that. It’s usually for the guys that are too aggressive, obnoxious, annoying or just weird. But if a guy is respectful to me, I am usually respectful back. I will just excuse myself and leave if I don’t wanna be around them instead of being a bitch to scare him off!
But I was just telling it from my side. I get approached a lot when doing regular things. I don’t have the time and energy to get ‘chatted up’ every time I go grocery shopping! It’s annoying. So I am sometimes bitchy when running errands to make sure I can get them done in a timely manner! I see now that it’s a defense mechanism.
Oh god yes, I think I have a knack for putting people at ease, even when I am nervous.
I can certainly appreciate that sentiment!
I once had a girlfriend who was a heavy-duty sex addict. She even went to inpatient treatment for it. The same place the Catholic church sends their priests! I learned a lot from her. For a guy to have her all he needed to be was polite and follow the general rules. Ask her to dance. Feel the sexual energy. Move her from the bar to a coffee place or some place other than the bar. Then on to his or her place. That’s of course just one scenario. I would pick her brains on this for hours at a time. I’ve come to find that there’s a surprisingly high percentage of women that will respond the same way she did as long as the guy sticks to the sequence that she’s expecting. She was basically looking for guys that knew what they were doing. She had been with over 300 guys by age 19 so she was an expert at spotting guys that were outside the pattern of giving her what she wanted. The guys that tried to get creative and reinvent the wheel were the ones that get shot down. If only they knew how easy it could have been! 🙂
“get ‘chatted up’ every time I go grocery shopping!”
I wish you would post better pictures/videos of yourself, how you typically dress, and what it looks like when you walk. Please don’t take this the wrong way but being that the hot women I’ve known tell me they don’t really get hit on that often a statement like that puts me on “psycho alert.” No matter how hot you are there are very low percentage of men who have the guts to chat up strangers. In fact the hotter they are (which you say you are) the more intimidated they are. You may be doing something unconsciously to invite this or are shopping at known pick-up joints. Perhaps you’re misperceiving friendly comments for pickup attempts? Could it be you’re a legend in your own mind? 🙂 If this is truly the case and you’re not a psycho, you should write a book for women on how to get chatted up. Think of all the money you’ll save them on their bar bill.
I’m not sure what the sex addict comment had to do with this post or comments. But I do agree that there are some women, sex addicts or not, who will sleep with a guy, or be in a relationship with him if he does what is ‘expected’ in dating. It just depends on what she’s looking for at that time in her life.
re: looks
I do think it might not just be about the looks. I smile a lot and am bubbly so I probably seem really approachable. A lot of old ladies also stop me to chat, ask me questions, or tell me their life story! Even if I’m not smiling though, men who are strangers will always tell me to smile. The thing about hot girls who complain about not being approached is that they don’t count all the guys they aren’t attracted to. If I were to only include the guys I liked, then I too would walk around saying guys rarely hit on me. There are guys trying to talk to them, but the girls don’t ‘count’ them in their mind because they aren’t interested in them. That’s my observation on that.
And is there ever a grocery store that is a known pick-up joint? That really happens???
If I could find a way to bottle up some of my knowledge and reactions and sell it, I would!
Also, I am a legend in my own mind, lol.
I don’t have body shots on my blog (yet) because I didn’t want the attention to be on that when I started this blog. I want to write/rant and share my point of view with people and read others reactions to that. The point of this post wasn’t to get guys to be okay with hanging out with girls who act like bitches. Just sharing my POV on it.
Oh and the point of acting like that IS to put you off! lol
An interesting take on it.
I cannot speak for others, but for me eventually I started to base my interactions with girls on how much we both enjoy.
When I approach if I get attitude I just move on.
Imho there is never reason for bitchiness (unless they deserve it), even if girl doesn’t want to talk to guy she can just tell him or give some kind of excuse.
It should be based on how much you both enjoy.
“even if girl doesn’t want to talk to guy she can just tell him or give some kind of excuse.”
Yes, but being a bitch is the consistently more effective. As evidenced by the comments here, most, if not all, men move on. That’s my goal. I’ve made excuses and was honest. But some will find an excuse to talk to you later that day or at another time when you run into each other.
But if you read IP’s blog post, you can see the psychology behind it.
The idea of the “bitch shield” isn’t new (it’s a concept Mystery originated) but the way you just put it here was refreshing. I like how you say “it’s not my job to reinforce your worth as a man”… and “sometimes I’m just in a bad mood, don’t take it personal.” As usual, I learn a shit load from you. It’s one thing when a guy talks about the concept. It’s a whole other ballpark when you hear a woman talk about it from her own personal experience. Thank-you!
Well, it was IP’s blog post that inspired me! It made me realize I was doing it for a purpose. Sometimes when I read about the bitch shield on PUA blogs, they make it seem like we are consciously testing you and playing games just cuz. His post was different.
And that was my goal, to share the girls POV on this!
And you’re welcome!
If you’re a man still getting caught up about women being mean to you, it’s time for basics for you. The game is not in you yet. You will never have a perfect interaction with every women you encounter. A million reasons could determine how she is feeling. Just charge that to the game and keep it moving.
Ha ha! Thank you Reema.
Your comment is the mindset men should have.