Shopping is one of the most wonderful, glorious things in the world.
Especially when it isn’t your money you are spending.
I love getting new things and imagining all the wonderful experiences I’m gonna have with my new outfit/jewelry/make-up/latest health and fitness trend. For me, shopping is like Christmas, which might be why I buy gifts for myself as well as others when the real Christmas finally rolls around; STUFF FOR ME!
Good times. Except for when you get to the cashier.
The cashier rings you up. As she/he takes your money, they ask “Do you have an email address?”
Of course I have an email address, bitch! I’m not some backwater redneck, or an 80-year old afraid of the world wide webs. Everyone has an email address. The real question is, do I want to give it to you?
Listen, I’m already giving you my
semi- hard earned money. I don’t want you contacting me all hours of the day and night, trying to get me back to your store with lame offers. The offers are usually 15% or less, or for bulk buying. Who really needs 6 bottles of Jasmine Smoke lotion and body wash? Especially if you’ve already bought that the last time you were there?
When I go shopping, I want to go in there, have some fun, and get out. I don’t want you to have all my contact info so you can stalk me. I’ll come back when I want something from you. No strings attached. I’ll see ya when I see ya. My purchase isn’t a lifelong commitment! It was one transaction, it’s not forever!
This is probably how a dude feels about a needy one-night stand.
Because it’s definitely how it feels to have a fling with a needy dude.
I made the mistake of doing that with a store I frequented a lot and I got an email EVERYDAY, and none of the offers and sales were worth running over there. Every day, I opened the email hoping there would be some ‘50% off just for you because you’re awesome and always here anyway’ offer. Never happened. Tease.
I know what times of the week and year to go for the best deals, with or without your harassment emails. I don’t need you constantly contacting me, or giving my information out to your affiliates so they can harass me too. I also don’t need a credit card from you so I can be in debt to you. You are my bitch, not the other way around. I’m not gonna drop everything to come running to you just because you sent me an email.
I so would for the right price though. When I make it rain well, sometimes sprinkle in your store, you’re the one who jumps up and dances. Furthermore, I am not clogging up my email with your BS so that I can’t see the ones from my REAL friends with their BS.
You’re already getting my money! What more do you want you needy bitches! My first born?!
My life doesn’t revolve around you! I have shit to do. Like shopping at other places.
Whenever they ask me that dumb ass question I just shake my head and wave my hand, waving their stupid question away like the boss I am.