What I Learned from “Don Jon”

Published February 8, 2014 by bossymoksie

Have any of you seen this movie?

don jon movie

Men and women think of two different things when it comes to the term ‘happy ending’! lol

The summary and trailer are craptacular, but I liked this movie. A lot.

The trailer shows you the character more than the story. It’s really about a dude looking for intimacy but he doesn’t even know what that really is or looks like. That’s not as sexy of a description as a Jersey Shore wanna be, porn and ScarJo (all of which are in the trailer).

It’s worth watching just for the first 20 minutes when the main character, Don Jon, explains the pros and cons of getting off on porn, versus a real girl. I thought it was hilarious! I thought the last 20 minutes or so were not as realistic as the rest of the movie, but it did show how he sees intimacy differently.

And I laahved Scarlett Johannson’s character. She was the hot diva princess who demanded respect and whatever else she wanted (sound familiar? Yeah, there’s no bias here.) I knew from the beginning that she was manipulating him. She knew what she wanted and wasn’t going to settle for anything less!

However! I did not agree with her messing with his interests and ambitions (or lack thereof). She was trying to make him into something he wasn’t and I am not down with that. Let the boy enjoy his hobbies as long as it doesn’t involve sex with other women.  Her character was hugely influenced by romantic comedies and she thought true love meant that a man would do everything you asked him to, and change into whatever you needed him to be. I do not think that’s fair, especially since men have tried to pull this shit with me. Love doesn’t magically turn you into someone else just so you can please the other person. Her character was less interested in knowing the real him, whereas I prefer to get to know the guy I’m dating because I’m nosy and knowledge is power.

Look, as much as I’d love to mold a man like my own personal play-doh puppet, I know it’s just not possible because I’ve already tried. At best it’s temporary. He’s gonna revert back to his same self. And guess what? That’s what you’re gonna get stuck with. So I just take what I see at face value and judge whether or not I can hang with that.  The main things I’m demanding about is how our interactions will go and how he treats me but it’s not limited to just that.

So what did I learn? The realization that hit me like a ton of bricks was that some men, or boys, don’t know the difference between intimacy and lust. I know women confuse lust and intimacy, as well as fantasy with love, because I am one and from listening to my friends analyzing the shit out of their guy when the reality is right under their noses. I don’t know why I thought men would automatically know the difference.

Looking back at a few past relationships, I can see that the guys were more in lust with me than in love. And I think we both confused that lust for love. They played nice and ‘put up’ with me and my crazy and not-so-crazy demands because they thought that’s what it would take for us to be close and be in a real relationship. But it’s not. And while they would comply with some things, they would be really selfish with others. They obviously cared about me, because they aren’t monsters, but they seemed unsupportive, dismissive sometimes. Then I would label them as jerks and then fuck with them and the relationship. Just cuz. But now I see that, perhaps, they weren’t doing it on purpose, we both just didn’t know what the fuck we were doing! We didn’t know how to get closer or didn’t really want to.

I don’t want to downplay sexual attraction and lust, I do think it’s a good thing to have in a relationship! (And blogger, Introverted Playboy, gives a great argument for why here.)

Anyway, the movie did a great job at showing the differences between what men and women expect love to look like and the way media influences them (porn and rom coms).

I wish romantic comedies were more like this, more honest and a dash of intelligence and without the implied ‘they lived happily ever after, they never had any problems after that or wanted to strangle each other and they always look like a perfume ad’.

Because in real life, once you get into the the relationship, it isn’t happily ever after, it’s just more work!

Here’s the craptacular trailer if you want to check it out:

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4 comments on “What I Learned from “Don Jon”

    • That is a good way of putting it. To me, intimacy was what the movie was about. I think sometimes we settle for stroking each others ego’s instead of actually trying to get to know the person. And sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference! (Until it’s too late…)

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