The Non-Boyfriend Rules

Published December 15, 2013 by bossymoksie

Sometimes, guys like to make friendships all blurry. They imply that something more may, or may not be going on in order to get you to warm up to them, open up to them, and confuse you. It’s a strategy used if they’re too scared to be direct, or are unavailable to commit to a real relationship with you.

Here’s my opinion, if you want a real fucking girlfriend, then stop being a pussy and go get one. If you want to just get laid, then don’t act like a boyfriend. This only makes shit confusing. You know what mixed messages tell me? To not take you seriously. Ever. You are solely for my entertainment and amusement. Mixed messages tells me you’re afraid and unsure, and I’m not investing anything in that BS. And I have a good bullshit meter that I use for your bullshit, not mine.

Being all half-assed and sneaky about what you want isn’t going to help you. If you officially want me, then I need to know that you officially want me. I hate when a guy asks me to ‘hang out’ casually and then I later find out this is a fucking date where you get to try to grope me or stick your tongue in my mouth or try to take up my Saturday nights for all infinity. No bitch. You don’t get off that easy.

I’ve created some rules for friendships with the opposite sex, so that we’re both clear on the reality that this is just casual.

And ladies, if men are doing the prohibited things on this list, just know that you are in mixed messages land. For your sake, if you’re into the guy, I hope it’s just a case of him being shy and not just waiting for an opportunity to boredom bang you.


1-No phone calls before 10 am, or after 10 pm. I can call you if I want to. But I don’t need you bugging me when I am getting my beauty sleep or am with someone else. No texting either unless its an emergency. Being horny is not an emergency. Also, you cannot contact me everyday. 2 to 3 times per week MAX. Otherwise you dudes start falling in love, and telling me all your secrets and fears. I don’t have time for all that. But you know who would? A real fucking girlfriend.

2-We cannot spend more than 2 days in a row with each other. Unless we are traveling somewhere and you are funding it.

3-No physical affection. This means no touching below the waist. You may get a greeting hug or goodbye hug. No holding hands, linking arms is okay, especially if I’m drunk. Do not touch my face or hair. I don’t care if there’s a tarantula eating my face, HANDS OFF!

4-No double dates. Group outings are okay.

5-I do not want to have dinner with your (insert family member or important person in your life).

6-Paying for our outings are okay, as long as you obey are aware of the rules.

7-Don’t worry about knowing memorizing the rules. I will gladly remind you.

8-(For FWB only) I choose what we do in the bedroom. You can ask all you want. I will say no all I want. There are no negotiations. You don’t have a leg to stand on, this is casual and not serious which means your desires are not taken seriously. You know who might take those desires more seriously? A real fucking girlfriend.


16 comments on “The Non-Boyfriend Rules

  • Timing of this is so crazy because just yesterday, I was watching a youtube video about this as far as mixed signals of wanting to be BF or just sex.

    In interest of time, not quite able to comment on the rules since I’m on the road, but will tackle later.

  • Great list and I am glad that I have never fallen into any of them. But then I always take women at face value, if I get told “let’s be friends” I assume she means “I don’t fancy you but I like you… so we are friends”. That is unless of course I am getting mixed messages which I have been subject to on more than one occasion.

    • I know girls give mixed messages too! I’m just saying I’m not going to be trying to figure them out. I’ve learned that when men are sure about you, they WILL let you know. Don’t know if it’s the same with women though, since women aren’t ‘supposed’ to be aggressive.

      • they WILL let you know

        *Nods vigorously*

        women aren’t ‘supposed’ to be aggressive.

        Hmmm, I wouldn’t say “aggressive” but women certainly have ways of making their interest known too. Fishing for compliments is one, dropping hints about wanting to be asked out again. Hell, even doing the asking out! All three have happened to me.

  • Those sounds like a FB rules 🙂

    I think with really good friend it doesn’t really matter if he/she call you at non standard time (as long as it is not every day thing lol)

    As well doesn’t matter how often or rare you see them.

    Personally for me if I have to limit my interactions with friends and forced to set rules, it means they behavior manipulative and they have their own agenda. I do not want to be friends with people who basically lie to me. It is easier for me just drop those people of my life, rather than poison my time with person like that.

    I want to be there for my friends and same way around for them.

    At least for me.

    I recently acquired a close female friend, in whom I have no sexual interest whatsoever (she is not fat or ugly or anything, I just do not feel it for her and it’s been platonic from the very beginning), and I pretty much do not limit my interactions with her. We click very well, inspire each other, share a lot, plenty of compliments both ways and sex talks and I genuinely think she is bright and an amazing person. And the great thing that she vies me as friend as well, so there is a great balance and honesty.

    I cannot see myself being friends with somebody with whom I will not have freedom to actually be friends.

    As far as FB goes, those actually great rules, I would probably limit interactions to 1 a week, because otherwise people do start developing feelings.

    • Those things are true about really good friends. I actually apply the phone rule to my girl friends too! People always laugh at me with my phone rule. Of course you don’t need ‘rules’ when it comes to real friends (because they already know what my peeves are, lol).
      I was just thinking about those guy friends (fwb or not) that aren’t really interested in being my friend and try to pull this stuff.

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