Idea Fail: The Drawn Out Breakup

Published September 30, 2013 by bossymoksie

Because of my fickle nature, I am usually the one that does the running away dumping first. After that is, collecting all my stuff from his place ninja style. Once you realize the end is near, it’s best to just do it as quickly as possible, like ripping off a band-aid.

sneaky ninja

Operation get yo shit without him noticing.

There was actually the one time I was dumped for being mean in high school. I deserved it, even if I told myself I didn’t. And that bitch came back to me a year later so I don’t really consider it a dumping. Too bad for him, I had already moved on when he tried to get back into my life.

The time I want to share is a time that I wanted to break up with this guy. Kind of. I mean he was cool to hang out with but I just wanted to ride the relationship until he stopped spending money on me things got really boring. But he wanted to break up with me. Like really. Except he wouldn’t.

How did I know this? Well, suddenly he was too ‘busy’ to hang out if my friends invited us somewhere. Even though we hung out on week days, on the weekends he was suddenly ‘busy’ except for one day. One time I dropped in on his ass unannounced just to see how ‘busy’ he was and he was just home cleaning his damn apartment and listening to music. This is after making it sound like his schedule was so crazy that weekend. Really? He was not putting any effort in and he just trying to avoid me. I knew he was doing this shit so I would get angry since I’m hot tempered smart and have high self-esteem, and then break up with him.

HA! I wasn’t gonna fall into that trap, I decided. I also decided that I was gonna put a monkey wrench into that plan and NOT DUMP HIM. This was for his own good. I thought he should man up and dump my crazy ass instead of being all passive aggressive ‘busier’ and not doing boyfriend  things like go shopping anymore. Whateves. He was gonna have to say it first! And I was gonna be a good girl and the best girlfriend ever just to torture him and make it harder!!!!! I mean, what was he afraid of that his impulsive, hot headed girlfriend would go off on his ass?

Okay, so I wasn’t really a good girl, but I had become ‘nice’ and I was so fucking fake that it was torture sometimes. I knew he wanted out badly because we weren’t even having sex anymore! Even though inside, I felt a small sense of satisfaction that I was making it harder and harder on him, being fucking fake and nice was more torture FOR ME!!!!!

This was a pure act of stubbornness. But still, he needed to learn how to break it off with a bitch. On top of this, some shit was going down with some of my friends, so it was a stressful time so I may have also not been in the best frame of mind. Well this went on for about two months. But I said I was gonna get him!

Then one night I said fuck it and went out alone with another group of friends. I was in a great mood even though I had no reason to be, and I don’t know what was going on because six guys asked me for my number that night within only a few hours which rarely happens. I went on a group insta-date with one of them, which I NEVER do alone (blame it on the pending rebound), but had made friends with one of the girls in his group so off we all went. I had a great time and he asked me out on a date for the following week and I said, “Yeah!”

But I had one little thing to clear up.

The next morning I thought long and hard for about 20 minutes and decided that there was no use in me torturing the both of us just to make a point. I knew I did not want to stay with him so I should do the grown up thing and set him free so I can move on with my hot date. But he was still gonna be the one to put the axe down dammit! I was just gonna give him a little help.

I emailed my boyfriend and asked if he still wanted to do this or not. Yeah, I emailed and yeah, had it been the other way around, I would have rained a shit storm on him. So?

He replied that we should be friends.

Which was bullshit but Cool.

I went out with the other dude that week.

Outcome? Me and that new dude didn’t work out. Apparently he had issues with honesty because when he asked when my last relationship was, and I said ‘Last week’, he didn’t like the answer. He just got too paranoid after that. And yeah, I was the one who opted out of that one.

And my ex-boyfriend and I never became friends.


16 comments on “Idea Fail: The Drawn Out Breakup

  • You funny lol

    You could probably start acting with him supper needy, call him 20 times a day, send him 100 sms, tell him how you miss him much, he would run like from a fire (I did it to a girl once).

    Works like charm every time lol

  • Ugh! Why does the “when was your last relationship?” always need to be lied to? Guys have such fragile egos…
    I totally use the sneaky ninja move to progress the break up. I clear my shampoo and toothbrush and t-shirts out (without him knowing) one day, then when he notices (usually within 24hrs) he realizes that it’s over by the time he calls to inquire. I just confirm it and it’s done.

    • Yeah, I think he got insecure that I was still in a relationship when he picked me up. He felt the need to keep an eye on me like I was gonna cheat or was always on the prowl. I didn’t explain what was really going on (that I was just dragging the break up out) but whateva. Not sure which option would have made me look worse!
      Anyways, he served his purpose in getting me to end that silliness with the ex.

  • You know the fastest way to get rid of someone or keep a trick is to get money out of them. Once you ask for money it’s going to be a win win. They stay and give you money or leave you forever.

    The drawn out breakup is stressful. I’m different so I will charge a chick to the game if she looks at me wrong. On the flip side, you can do that and it can come back to bite you.

    • I could have, and should have, dumped him sooner, and he would have gladly disappeared but I didn’t want to give him THAT satisfaction. I was just mad that he was being passive aggressive about it and wanted him to step up. And then I wanted to make it hard for him to step up just to be a bitch. Being silly I guess. Live and learn, I will NEVER do it again.

    • haha@ a little insecure. You had a dude what was he suppose to do? Can’t waste time with a woman who has a dude. That’s how you end up being on the nightly news. Guys have no idea about your last dude. The simps are dominating right now. What he should have done was just told you to hit him up when it was over with your ex.

      • It was over by the time we went on the date. He didn’t like the idea that I was out and giving out my number when I had one though and that we broke up a days before my date with him.

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