‘The Introvert Approach’ Book Review

Published September 12, 2013 by bossymoksie

I promised myself I would read this book, “The Introvert Approach“, and review it after Introverted Playboy said he would like my thoughts on it a few month ago.

Sorry, no video review, like I did with SocialKenny’s. Introvert’s like to read anyway.

First I think this book is GREAT! If you aren’t ready jump into the fire like a ninja and kick some ass and get your ass kicked like in Social Kenny’s book, “7 Ways to Become Social with Women“,  then this book will be better suited for you.

If you are not social and never have been, this book gives you baby steps to feel comfortable getting out of your comfort zone (your house in front of your computer,TV, or WII) and comfortable being outside before even speaking with people, let alone hot women.

If you can’t even do that, then there’s no hope for you.

Take aways:

  • Using your introversion as a strength to use to your advantage instead of thinking of it as a weakness when being social.
  • Baby steps to get used to being in public and talking to people with ‘micro approaches’ and ‘warm ups’.
  • Pointing out that practice makes perfect. (Just like the NBA only selects balla’s who can dunk, girls are only gonna warm up to the guys who can a socialize with them, and do it well.)
  • Focus on becoming good at being social first, then focusing on going after the women you want.
  • Three major techniques to keep the conversation going. (I admit, I am pretty lazy when it comes to talking to new guys and leave it up to them to steer the conversation. Unless the subject is REALLY interesting or we are just joking around).
  • Specific actions and explanation of creating excitement AND comfort, and why. (In my opinion, girls want to feel safe to open up with you-comfort- but still feel excited and alive when they’re around you-excitement. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we want it all.)
  • A positive (and realistic!) spin on dealing with rejections and failures.
  • Pointing out that you don’t have to be the outgoing, entertaining charming guy all the time to get laid. (Truth!)
  • A glossary of PUA terms at the end of the book for those not familiar with certain terms used in the book.
Quotes and points with my thoughts:
“A quick compliment on something the girl is wearing, asking for directions, asking for the time, asking her opinion about
something in the environment.”
I actually I get this ALOT.
And I’m thinking, ‘Do I look like I know where a fucking Home Depot is? Do I look like I eat at fucking Burger King? Do I look like I know how to read a clock?’ But this makes more sense. I thought it was because men people thought I looked like I know everything because in my mind, I do, except for those questions I mentioned above.
“The result is the classic question chain: asking her question after question, without going anywhere. This kills the conversation and makes it extremely boring. An exciting and interesting conversation happens when you share yourself, and that requires you to have the frame that you are the cool, interesting person here and you have stuff to share.”
The BEST conversations are when both parties are talking and sharing. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind going on and on and on, but I will forget you and not care to talk to you again unless I’m hard up for attention. And if the guy just talks on and on about himself…forget it, I’m just walking away.
“Instead of wondering if you are good enough for her, ask yourself if she is good enough for you. She is not the prize—she can’t be, you don’t know anything about her yet.”
I KNOW I’m a prize. But I also know that you don’t know why if we just met, except that you think I’m hot. So if you are drooling over yourself and putting me on this pedastool within the first few minutes of meeting, I’m gonna fuck with you and not take you seriously. Because it seems as though you don’t require much in being attracted to someone. Why would I want to know more about you when you apparently don’t give a fuck about anything else about me other than the way I look?
“The key is to have goals for the overall process of improvement with women, without having specific goals for a specific girl. A good goal is to have more dates per week. A bad goal is to get Jessica out on a date.”
I just love this point.
“You can say practically anything to a girl. As long as it is said with confidence and openness, it will enable you to start a conversation with her.”
TRUE dat. I have found this to be true when talking with men as well. Sometimes I say stuff that doesn’t even make sense, and make up words.
“As long as you are not expressing what is true for you in that moment, you will be incongruent and will fail to spark her interest. And you
will often come across as creepy.”
SO TRUE. Most women can tell if you’re attracted to them. You don’t have to hit them over the head or dry hump their leg or anything, but mentioning your attraction let’s us feel like you’re honest and not trying to hide something. Especially when you’re staring at our chest the whole time you’re talking to us.

The book mentions being a social leader.

Men with responsibility and are leaders are hot. That is all. We wanna know you can handle responsibility! Even if you’re irresponsible with us and ditch us!

The book also mentions being comfortable and confident with yourself.

Girls read ‘uncomfortable in social situations’ as uncomfortable with yourself, and we want no part of that. Unless the girl herself is shy and uncomfortable in social situations, or with herself.

“Doing what you said you were going to do (whether calling her at a certain time, taking her to the place you said you were going to take her, etc).”
When a guy flakes on his word, I become a major flake and you are just in my attention- whoring category, I can’t take you seriously after that.

“Boringness in conversation basically stems from our own inhibitions and inability to expose our true selves.”

True true! This also helps you get the girls that find the true you exciting! And that’s the jackpot right? RIGHT BITCHES? Better be. 

“Neediness and the desire to impress a girl is one of the biggest, most common killers of male attractiveness.”
Yes and yes. Unless the girl is clinger herself.
“A more straightforward way is to just practice “un-censoring” yourself in conversations with people. Whatever you are thinking, say it. When you agree with something, say it. When you disagree, say that.”
I sometimes find it annoying when guys that are talking to me agree with everything I say. Because i know I say crazy shit sometimes. Other times, my ego really likes it.
Anyway, if I’m not censored, I don’t want you to be either. and it makes me wonder what you are holding back, and why.


  • There’s a nice summary at the end of the book, but have you thought about making an action checklist? There’s a lot of information in the book and an action checklist might help some put some of your techniques and mindsets into action.
  • I am not an introverted, masculine man, but I was wondering how would a guy give off a ‘sexual vibe’ (for night time pick up at clubs and bars). Do you guys automatically know what that means? You gave the example of staring, but that can come off as creepy depending on the girl. Do you have other examples or explanations on how to do this?
Over all:

There are some really great tips and information in here whether introverted or extroverted but ESPECIALLY if you feel socially challenged and uncomfortable with dating scene.

If you want a copy of this free ebook, you can get it here.

*Oct. 10, 2013 EDIT: Introverted Playboy has come up with a 30 day action guide. You can check it out here.


15 comments on “‘The Introvert Approach’ Book Review

  • Thanks Moksie, glad you liked it!

    “And I’m thinking, ‘Do I look like I know where a fucking Home Depot is? Do I look like I eat at fucking Burger King?”

    Haha, I’m trying to picture the kinds of guys that are approaching you now… asking about Home Depot and Burger King.

    Maybe a better one would be to ask where the nearest high-end hair salon is, or chic cocktail lounge. “Cuz you look like you would know…”

    My new product coming out soon is very action-oriented, and gives some good solid guidelines for guys to take action (which is something that is unfortunately lacking in much of the pickup/ dating advice world).

    As far as the sexual vibe, it’s funny because if you like the guy, when he gets all “sexy” on you you will love it. But if you don’t, the exact same behavior will come across as creepy and a turn-off. So it’s useful actually for a guy to do that because it efficiently filters out the girls that aren’t interested.

    • All types of guys ask me all types of questions, lol! But no, they never ask about hair salons or chic lounges! You know what you are doing!!!!

      An action oriented book would be great. Sometimes you can read something and get the concepts but not make the connection to know how to do something with it.

      True dat on the sexual vibe, very good point.

  • Most of this stuff used to apply to me so I might just read it anyway – see if there’s anything I can take away I didn’t already figure out on my own!

  • Introverts can get women.

    Look at the story of this:

    You know about the plumber. Slender, curly-haired, pushing fifty, with mustache and an eight-mile stare. Is there an acronym for the male equivalent of a MILF? Probably not. Probably the idea of young doxies lusting after older men is too mainstream a fantasy to need its own name and aisle in the porn store. But really, it doesn’t work too well for me…. http://graceundressed.blogspot.com/2006/04/ballad-of-plumber.html

    Make of this what you will, but here is a prime example of a kind of seduction by an introvert.

    Do you agree my darlinks ?

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