The Question Mark

Published April 21, 2013 by bossymoksie

Yes, I waited until a full fucking week passed to write this post. But here it is.

As referenced from my previous post, I wanted to explain this question mark concept. Short version? The question mark equals doubts of a relationships. But I wanted to talk about the difference between guys and girls when it comes to the question mark, and warn some of you guys about it.

In the dating scene, men pretty much have one goal in mind and one motivation: to score.

Women have a million reasons to hook-up, get married, get in a relationship, get a man’s attention, date, etc. This is what some might call (I’m looking at you, Kenny) crazy girl logic. As you may have guessed, some of these reasons have nothing to do with you, or even wanting to have sex with you.

Men have a single mission and it’s to get laid, for the night or on the regular. Women have many missions, so many that we can’t even keep up with them sometimes! But they all usually mean one thing.  We just want to feel good! We want the things we want, exactly how we want them. Or else! And sometimes we will settle for much much less while lying to ourselves that we actually got what we really wanted.

Why do we have so many reasons for dating? Because of our own personal question marks!

If guys have a question mark about a girl or his life, it’s obvious (at least to outside eye) because he’ll be pretty shitty in the relationship. He knows that he doesn’t want much more from her and will do the mixed signals dance until the girl gets sick of it and leaves, or until he meets someone he is sure about. I would even say that guys don’t really do question marks, because they figure out pretty fast whether or not they want more from a girl and take things from there. As time goes by, they will learn whether they still want more, or if they are cool where they are.

Girls have question marks. Girls will talk themselves into some shit. Girls will talk themselves out of some shit. Girls will straight out make shit up!

The good news is if the question mark we have is about solely about you, then you have a chance to turn it around. Be confident, and be smart about compatibility. Give her an experience. Make sure you are clear about who you are and what you want from her, and from life. Your job, should you choose to accept, is to change that question mark to a period or an exclamation point. You like it, don’t be scurrred.

Why is this bad news for guys?

If you are looking for just a hook up, it won’t matter. In fact, this will probably give you an advantage.

If not, just be aware: if a woman has a lotta question marks about herself and what she wants out of life, you are shit outta luck. Because whether you get her or not, is related to this question mark and how she wants to not deal with it. You are a distraction, or a band aid for this thing she is grappling with. As soon as she figures out the answer (which you won’t be the answer), she will be done with your relationship and whatever life you created together. The end. Because she went out with you, and stayed, for the wrong reason. She basically talked herself into being with you because of some question mark she had for herself. I’ve noticed that women are more prone to use dating relationships as a distraction or faulty solution for other issues in their life or within themselves.

While guys will string you along, girls will still make shit official.

Most men wouldn’t make big commitments with you on purpose if they aren’t sure about you. But women will hunker down, set up camp and have 2.5 kids with a guy and still have doubts about him and why she is with him. She will commit and put on a good show. Hell she’s gotta sell it to herself, and she wants an Academy Award. Until the day she wakes up and realizes that she needs to face her questions, or gets her confidence up, and suddenly wants to get far away from you. And then you are standing there, alone, asking, what the fuck just happened?

Why do we do this? Because girls date for other reasons that stem from our own personal question marks. Sometimes that multi-tasking thing us girls are better at bite us all in the dating ass. And not in the fun way.

And P.S.-  this is another reason why you guys shouldn’t take rejection so personally. It could have everything to do with you, your game, or your looks. Or it could have nothing to do with you at all.

RELATED POSTS:

Why We Went Out With You

Why We Rejected You

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13 comments on “The Question Mark

  • I think being stack in unhappy relationships goes for both guys and girls.

    You touched about girls side of the things, but if you ask any guy out there, every single guy out there been in unwanted relationships where girl gave no shit about him or just stringed him along as an orbiter knowing well about his feelings, and he just sold it to himself and stayed with her. Until one morning they wake up, look around and realize truth of whats going on.

    Every person goes trough something like that.

    On a side note, women being emotional creatures usually have no idea what they want lol, so maybe they do go more often trough this than man lol

    • Yes, both men and women can be unhappy or be strung along but I was trying to make a point about the various reasons why women get into a relationship in the first place and how it’s related to other issues they may have.

  • It was kind of hard to follow as far as the “question marks” are concerned but it got clearer at the end.

    As for rejections, most times they aren’t personal nor do they have anything to do with the guy himself.

  • Completely enlightening. And Kenny doesn’t know what he’s talking about. This was NOT confusing or “off.”

    Women have sex for different reasons than we do. That’s confusing?

    Um… don’t think so.

    It’s true, we guys want to score and be done with it. Things are more complex for women.

    By the way, this was FASCINATING to me: her decision to date us comes down to one thing… she wants to feel good.

    Love that.

    Another thing that grabbed my mind: We guys need to get clear about who you are, and what we want from her. Our job is to change her question mark into an exclamation point.

    Awesome!

    Another thing I wasn’t even aware of: women stay in a relationships even though they still have a question mark about us. So, she’ll talk herself into dating us… ’cause maybe we were a distraction, or a bandaid. Then she’ll put on a show. Until she gets the courage to leave.

    Good to freaking know.

    The lesson I’m taking from all this is:
    1) be aware chicks go through a question-mark process. Check.
    2) Turn the question-mark into an exclamation-point by making her feel GREAT. Double check.
    3) Sometimes when she rejects us it has NOTHING to do with our game, and everything with the question-marks she has about her own damn life. Heard.

    Great post. Learned a shit ton.

  • Loved this Bossy!

    I stayed in my marriage for 10 years because I had question marks about me and what I truly desired. Staying had nothing to do with him. If you asked him he would say I deserve an Oscar for having 3 kids, smiling everyday, accepting his second engagment/renewall ring, all while solving the question marks that were not visable to anyone but me and my private thoughts.

    Once I figured out the answers to many of my question marks he no longer fit the mold and I walked. Now that I have about the last bit of question marks answered I am can now make a choice to be with him or stay on the outside.

    The question marks were good for me but dangerous for my relationship. Now that they are answered we shall see what is store!!!

  • I was waiting for a woman to comment!
    That was the perfect example of what i was talking about.
    I think a lot more exciting things will be in store for you now that you answered your questions about what you truly want for yourself! You just have to get it!

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