Why I’m Avoiding Serious Relationships

Published April 3, 2013 by bossymoksie

Real talk time.

I’ve been wanting to do this post for the past two months but I’ve been procrastinating which is how I like to roll. (P.S. Why is thinking about serious, deep shit never fun? It’s never fun to sit around and have your soul start talking shit to you that you’d rather not hear. It’s much better to do…anything else. I guess if keeping it real with yourself was more fun, more of us would be doing it more often. This is why alcohol and loud music is so handy sometimes. That and a trail of guys willing to be nice distractions whenever you call.)

reality meme

Ugh…real thoughts.

After my big break-up and my cash-cow funny crash and burn date, I wanted to sit and think about what was really going on with me. It’s occured to me that I really don’t want a serious relationship. It’s not like I need to date 6 guys at one time to feed my ego. My ego is already big and is easily fed in almost any other situations. I like seeing one guy at a time, and I like knowing that someone will be there when I want attention, and the idea of sharing your life with someone who knows you and everything else that already happened is appealing. Isn’t the latter what friends are for though? But when a guy starts his serious settling down talk, I want to do this.

What you say?

What you say?

Why do I have that reaction? Most of you know all the shit I talked about marriage and settling down, and how I’ve run away from a few proposals. But like any smart bullshitter person, you can really make an argument for whichever side you feel like being on that day.

So what’s behind all those brilliant posts of yesteryear?

I paid attention to all the wifey wedding crap my girlfriends talk about whenever the subject of boys comes up did an informal poll. What I realized is what pops up into their minds when it comes to marriage is way different from what pops up in my mind. Lemme show you.

WEDDINGS

THEM: A huge, glamorous wedding where everything is perfect and beautiful (meaning yourself) and everyone wants to be you. This day will be THEIRS perfect.

All eyes will be on me, or they will all pay.

All eyes will be on me, or they will all pay.

ME: Planning a huge party where you don’t even get to get wasted at, having to invite people you try to avoid most of the year and knowing these bitches are gonna try to hijack YOUR party to make themselves seem important and relevant because deep down they know they suck at life.

Who asked you to come anyway? Oh yeah, I did. Damn.

Who asked you to come anyway? Oh yeah, I did. Damn.

BABIES

THEM: Babies who smile, laugh, and be cute all the time.

Awww. So precious...in a 2 dimensional picture.

Awww. So precious…in a 2 dimensional picture.

ME: Babies who cry and shit all the time and YOU have to do something about it.

Oh. Dear. God.

Oh. Dear. God.

INTIMACY

THEM: Always having a date whenever you need one.

date night

We ordered the same food, aren’t we so in sync and in love?

ME: Never having a date again. EVER.

staying in

Umm, what about that ‘Dateline’ show? Oh, it’s repeat. Kinda like this night.

THEM: More romantical and cuddling moments to come forever and ever and ever.

romantic couple with rose

This rose is a symbol of the purity and beauty of us, and our forever love.

ME: Forgetting that the other person exists, even though you live with them.

reddit wife meme

Why even get married???

KIDS

THEM: Kids that say the darndest things when out in public.

smiling kids

“[Love is] Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.”

ME: Kids who throw a tantrum everytime you go out in public to handle your business.

kid tantrums

Hey kid! It’s my job to throw a tantrum on the floor when I don’t get what I want.

Now you can see why I feel offended, sometimes even hurt, when the guy who says that he loves me wants to do this shit to me. WHY? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY WOULD HE WANT TO DO THIS TO ME?!

My life is the one that’s gonna change! His, not so much. Sure he gets the awesomeness that is me. And when the actual baby shit hits the fan, my smart ass will have a smart quip or solution for it.  But what is he giving up besides not sleeping with other chicks. Which we all know some don’t even keep up on that ONE sacrifice.

MY life is the one that’s gonna change in a big, unpleasant way. You can call it growing up and being an adult and shit all you want. Well, I don’t wanna. So there. There it is. And if you think I’m bossy now, wait until the responsibilities start rolling in. When I order my BLT salad with a side of Ranch AND Honey Mustard dressing and extra Avacado on the side with a half and half mix of Sprite and Strawberry Lemonade, that’s not just a lunch order, that’s a sign of things to come. You’ve been warned.

Last note on fears.

One. Kids are just fucking scary! There was a time when you worried about accidentally killing your own child by doing something wrong. These days you have to worry about your kids killing YOU and everyone they know. And you know who everyone truly blames. Gun laws. THE MOTHER. Talk about a red face! Too soon? Even if they don’t go postal on the world, the teenage years are never a picnic. They think they know everything when they know squat. I will literally roll my eyes at them everytime they walk into the room because I know they will be saying stupid shit as though they are some geniuses. And I would know!

Two. I am more afraid of this than the first fear: Boredom. Couples get busy, you get into routines, you get complacent. So then, no more spontaneity? No more adventure? No more discovery? That’s it? For most women, marriage is the endgame. But I think of it as the end…of living.

zombie girls

We will eat your brains and you will join us in talking only about baby formula and your husband’s favorite socks.

If marriage is the end all and be all, that’s all there is?

wasteland car

I sure as hell ain’t ending up here!

Scary.

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35 comments on “Why I’m Avoiding Serious Relationships

  • Wow! Priceless!

    I remember never wanting to have kids at all. The thought of kids just sickened my stomach. I have 2 now (3 and 1 year olds) over the last 3 years. What changed? IDK lol!

    Marriage, I’m totally feeling your pain. I’m a guy, so generally, we’re not even looking to rush marriage. It’s crazy that there are men out there willing to propose as in your case.

    • I guess when the kids come, you step up and do what’s gotta be done. But I will be avoiding that for as long as I can!
      And some guys do want to get married as much, well not as much, but they do want it too. Eventually.

  • Marellus, my dearest, I deleted the novella you posted here in the comments section because A) wtf?! and B) I don’t see how it relates to my post. I’m keeping the link to the lovely and amazing story you posted in this comment for anyone who is curious enough to check it out.

    Audi alteram partem

  • Agree with Kenny, very nice post.

    I think monogamy is ok as long as both people understand that nothing in life is permanent and it last as long as it last. People just do not grasp it, but all relationships are temporary.

    Maybe marriage has it points if you wish to have a kids and want them to have both parents or when you grow old. Otherwise marriage doesn’t make much sense. In the young age serial monogamy or even not committed relationship is way to go.

    • I think relationships are temporal because people are temporal. We are always changing, or should be and how can ONE relationship survive all the changes you go through? I change my mind a lot and I’m all over the place and once people couple up, they seem to get comfortable and stop discovering and try to keep things the same…? Maybe you’d have to in order to keep the relationship going, but because change is inevitable, you end up just going through the motions and no one is happy that way. Just thinking out loud in the comments section!

    • We are in full agreement over it, relationship gets created based on emotions and feelings, but those things passing and changing.

      People should just not get into relationships (marriage) unless they know their partner over serious period of time and did go trough some bad times together. Otherwise it’s like jumping in middle of ocean, to deep to survive.

  • It’s true…most women see the bright and beautiful – which comes in second-long spurts. Like you, I can see the other side – which is why it’s kinda nice being able to observe the married/parent friends at this point. Awesome that you recognize what you want/need at this point – do what makes you happy, because you only live once 🙂

  • I think marriage can work if you look at it like the business it is. Love is cool but at the end of the day, it has to be more than that. I do want to get married at some point. My wife is going to have to be bringing something of equal or greater value to the table.

    Kids are a toss up. Some people want them, some people don’t. I definitely wants at least one kid to pass the game down to.

    • I think it’s smart to see it as a business. Especially since all those responsibilities are involved. It’s really a partnership.
      And I do need something more to the table than just undivided attention and some good times. I can get that from anyone, anywhere. Even if the guy doesn’t have lots of money, then what else are you bringing to the table that’s going to make this partnership a beneficial one? For me that is.

      • Great point, Reema. I think I enter my dating not taking it too seriously and that’s why I get mad when the other person starts to get serious. I should probably enter into it a little differently, so I don’t get so mad later.

      • Entering a relationship not too serious is not a bad thing. It just can’t be like that forever. Like you said before, it’s about growth and compromise. I know a few people that were together for over 10 years before they get married or have kids. Everyone has boundaries and moves at their own pace. Those are things you want to be upfront and honest about. You will be fine

  • We all get married too quickly these days and often to the wrong person because “hey, why not”. Unfortunately “hey, why not” is not good enough reason to get married. And then you have the peer pressure from parents and gparents “I was married at 19 and had my first kid at 20” bullshit routine. That annoys the hell out of me no end. This is a different world from the ones our baby boomer peers grew up in. We all have different expectations and desires from life. (Most) men want to get out and live a little before they settle down. Women have more opportunity than they have ever had and want to explore them before they settle down.

    When you find the right guy for you none of that is going to matter and you will want to do marriage your way – both of you. And if that means living a life of adventure, working so you can earn enough to have those adventures and never having kids… if that is what will make you happy then there is no need for anybody else to stick their noses in.

    Best of luck!

    • To add to Chinup’s point, it’s real funny how the average guys just doesn’t see it this way. Right now, I’m currently arguing with some guys on a specific blog about the same subject of marrying. Most men just won’t get at that there shouldn’t be a rush.

    • Thanks for this. The societal pressure doesn’t concern me, but I did want to explore why I sometimes want to sabotage relationships (to keep from getting too serious) and then if they do get serious, why I get mad and want to hop on the nearest train and go far, far away.

  • So, I’ve been married and divorced twice. My first marriage was at 19, I could say I pretty much went with the flow of what I thought was supposed to be next. Basically, my dad walked in on us having sex so I thought to save face we had to be married. That relationship lasted 12 years and then I was out. I quickly moved on to the next serious relationship which landed me 7 years of living in the moment, having many adventures, traveling everywhere with an awesome person but never actually opening up my heart. Now, I’m divorced again because I found myself bored in that relationship. I’m on my third serious relationship and this is the most real (I think) that I’ve ever been. But the expectation is that I am courteous and actually share where I’m going what i’m doing… i see it as control and I have no problems pushing back. So what do I really want?! I want the relationship but I don’t want the relationship. Man! I’m 36 and am just now fantasizing about being a Mom- but I see it alone and only sometimes with my significant other. Am I destined to be alone… do I have what it takes to be in a relationship? all fuckered up!

    • Thank you for sharing! We are all fuckered up in one way or another!
      I am learning that the relationship you have with yourself has to be on point before you can even think about getting in a serious relationship. Then you’ll know exactly what is right or wrong for you and don’t feel as torn.
      Also, you can’t do things just because others say you should or that it will make you happy. Everyone’s timeline and goals are different. It just depends on YOU and who you are and what you really want for yourself.

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