Friendzoning: A Girl’s Take

Published February 22, 2013 by bossymoksie

Made a video on my thoughts on the friendzone.

This isn’t about whether or not guys and girls can be friends or should be. This is about whether you should use the friendzone to get a girlfriend or get in her pants.

My short answer if you’re too fucking lazy to watch is DON’T DO IT. Save yourself and everyone else time.

This is also one of the reasons why I’m not a fan of so called ‘nice guys’. Yeah.

I got the topic idea for this video after watching Tripp’s Advice video series on avoiding and getting out of the friendzone. If you want his advice on that, check them out. The links are below:

How to Avoid the Friendzone Part 1

How to Avoid the Friendzone Part 2

How to Avoid the Friendzone Part 3

How to Avoid the Friendzone Part 4


30 comments on “Friendzoning: A Girl’s Take

  • I always found that the whole approach her thing is puzzled me. The whole meaning of it is that you go out of your way to talk to her, and like it is a big deal.

    Personally for myself I much prefer thinking in terms of reaching out and seeing where it will go. Because truth is, talking to girls and people in general is really not a big deal.

  • P.S: So what the conclusion? You went out with somebody in high school and you really want to tell that you never suspected he had feelings for you ? lol, I find it hard to believe, you are too smart for this.

    • I CAN tell, honestly most girls can tell. We just don’t do anything because we like the attention and/or wanna keep things as they are. But in high school, when it first happened, there were a few guys that I had no clue, they treated me like we were just platonic! And that’s all I wanted from them.They really kept there feelings on the DL. And they were the ones that it was 6 months or a year or something before they said something.
      In conclusion, it’s not a good, or successful, way to get a girlfriend, a guy should be clear about his intentions early on, as Tripp points out in his video’s.
      When you do day game are you clear about your intentions? Or when you interact with a girl over a few times?
      I know you don’t do this.

  • I’m sorry that some guys have dropped your friendship when their romantics feelings are not reciprocated – they are dicks. I have been in that situation (counting in my head) three times in my life and I’ve gone on to remain friends with each of those girls for several years – we only lost contact when we moved away from each other. In the first case she moved out of town, the second went away to university and the third lives in another country anyway.

    All I can say is the example you give was never your friend in the first place and you have every right to feel he was deceiving you.

    I get wanting to withdraw for a while; I did it myself because it was painful and each of those girls were respectful enough to give my space while I got my head together. But we came back together once I got used to the idea that being friends was all there was ever going to be.

    • I get the withdrawing too, it’s disappointing.
      I do have guys friends now that stuck around. I think it also had to do with the maturity level, it was high school. Although some guys still do it, it’s usually just a few months before they reveal their feelings (then disappear) and I don’t take it personal anymore.

      • Good for you! True friends stick around no matter what happens between you.

        As painful as it can be, I often realised that with these girls I’d rather we were friends than nothing. That’s still my philosophy.

  • To be honest Bossy, I don’t know how to do that friend zone thing when I really want something else. I am very bold (maybe a little too much at times) nevertheless, I always say what it is from the beginning and then go from there.

    Of course there are times you really want to be friends but feelings develop and that’s the tough time. I think most men are cowards when they run as soon as they realize the feeling isn’t mutual but I think a few of them really can’t deal with it and decide to leave all together

    • But you are at least upfront about it so the girl knew what page you were on. I think they are cowards too, or at least just don’t know how to deal, I agree. The whole thing is cowardly and shows lack of social skills.

  • Sometimes one must grasp whatever straws are offered. And such a man will find himself in the friendzone. He will play the part to perfection. He will play the part to the absurd. He will not deviate in this. He will not be swayed in this. Because of his hope that one day …

    … she will really see him.

    It never happens.

    So he realizes that he must lay his cards on the table. That he must be honest. That he can no longer walk this kind of path. And so he ultimately says what he feels :

    He says it casually. He says it quickly. He does not want to make it emotional; not if he can help it; hoping that she will see the situation as he sees it :

    That they’re going on like this. That nothing will really change. That it was fun up to now. That it can be made even better.

    She rejects him. She must reject him. She’ll always reject him … because he was being dishonest.

    He doesn’t understand.

    So he leaves. He must leave. He has been humiliated. He throws himself into his work. He drinks his sorrows away … if he is lucky. And after a long time, a very long time, he interacts with women again.

    He no longer cares what he says to them. His flirting is outrageous. His behavior is irreverent towards them. His psyche is numbed towards them; supplanted by a cool calculating dispassionate tabulation of what he is doing to succeed with them.

    He makes mental notes with every thrust and counter in the banter.

    He sees the pattern. He becomes a cynic.

    And he becomes even better with women …

    … because he is confident with them.

  • I’ve always said that the friend zone doesn’t exist. Women know the men that want to get with them. Those guys are around just for attention. A big problem with the “friendzone” is that guys actually believe women that say I want a guy who is my best friends first and then we can be more. Guys, get off that friend shit. I blame the dudes for still getting caught up in this goofy ass shit. It’s time for guys to man up and stop bullshitting.

    • Partly I think women need to be more honest with these male friends. “I like you as my best friend” should be followed up with “you’re not my type” or “I’m just not attracted to you”. Close the deal – leave no room for interpretation and most importantly – STOP with the mixed messages.

      Some women get off on that attention; they like being chased by a man they will never get with because it makes them feel good about themselves when they are single.

      • @chin up, chest high
        Some girls don’t want to hurt the guys feelings, which is why they don’t firmly shut that door. Not saying it’s right, it’s wrong and dumb. Which is why I don’t do it. I know it may hurt, but at least he’ll can move on. I probably think he’s awesome if I am friends with him and I would want him to find happiness with someone who can give him all the things he needs.
        And yes, some like to string these friendzone guys along for the validation.

      • “I don’t want you but I don’t want you to stop wanting me”. That’s abusing a friendship as far as I am concerned and I’ve certainly been in that situation before now. No way it’s happening again though.

        In the long run, the man will thank you for the brutal honesty of saying “I like you/love you like a brother but I’m not attracted to you.” In that situation, I certainly would.

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