I came across this video the other day and the guy, Matthew Hussey, really touched on something I’d like to share with you ladies.
You don’t have to watch (it gets longwinded) but here it is:
**link jic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q92KkMI8d8g
In the video, this girl asks this UK dating coach, Matthew Hussey, why men lose interest after a few dates. My response would have been because you’re annoying or too easy, forget him and move on. But his response was that when a girl spends too much time and is too available upfront AND is in lovey dovey girlfriend mode too soon, he gets turned off or loses interest.
I agree. I’d also like to add onto his theory by saying this: When you act like an insta-girlfriend, the guy will think you’re needy, desperate, and happy for anyone’s attention. This doesn’t make him feel attractive or special or wanted. It makes him feel uneasy and suddenly responsible for some cute chic’s feelings he barely knows and hasn’t had a chance to develop deep feelings for.
I know it feel counterintuitive, girls. We LOVE attention. So we assume that dudes do too. So if we like him, we want to give him tons of our undivided attention. But the only guys who want that much attention up front are needy attention whores themselves, or just simply whores trying
to fuck you to make you feel comfortable enough to spread your legs sooner rather than later. They are not in love ladies. THEY DON’T KNOW YOU.
And here I thought it was my
bitchy wonderful personality that kept guys coming back for more, sometimes even when I don’t want them to. Turns out it’s because I sparse out the time we spend together in the beginning due to my own preoccupation with myself my fabulous life and self interests. And guys have to compete with that in order to get, and keep, my attention. But they probabaly stick around because I’m amazing too. ; )
New guys don’t get a priority in my plans. Even if the first date was great. Even if the next date was great. Even if the first few times were great. Because I don’t know if the next time will be great or not. It’s new. And if it’s ALL GREAT, that just means it’s downhill from there. So I’d rather have a gauranteed good time doing something else. Whether it’s happy hour with the ladies or an impromptu fashion show at my house for myself when I suspect I lost 2 pounds by magic. Why would I spend a WHOLE weekend with some dude I barely know? And give him the opportunity to annoy me? Until the guy has proven himself, he gets one night out of the week, two if he’s lucky.
Guys like to compete. And win. It’s the nature of the beast. So they are competing against your preoccuation with your fabulous life. They want to get in there. Which means, be interested in something. Be passionate about something and have it in your life. Keep yourself happy. I love how the girl in the video asks if she should pretend to have a life and turn down dates from the guy she likes.
Get a life! For real! Stop playing games and making shit up. Having a life does two things:
Having a life doesn’t have to mean curing AIDS, having a high-powered career, or helping frail ladies across the street.
Because God knows I do NONE of these things. It just means being interested and passionate about a few things and having it in your life.
I can’t, and won’t, count how many times my girlfriends have told me, ‘You have to let him know how you feel and be available every second or else he’ll feel discouraged and his fragile fragile feelings and ego will be crushed and he’ll stop trying and walk away and lose interest and curl up in a ball like a little baby waby. And you don’t want him to give up and go away just because he didn’t know you really did have feelings for him and lose the love of your life.’
Really? When has that ever worked
unless it’s to make him have a guilt trip? He doesn’t need to know anything! What he needs is to earn my time, my attention, my feelings, and my girlfriend status! That’s all he needs to know.
NEWSFLASH: They like it. They WANT to.
That is what makes him feel special and wanted. Because he had to use his skills, his wits, his character, his game to get you. He had to climb that mountain and beat the wilderbeast to the ground and pick daisies or some shit. He did it and he won! He won the prize, YOU. And now he feels special and that you are too. You surrendered because of his actions, not just because he showed up.
Telling him you like him, giving him anything and everything upfront, jumping through hoops, acting like his girlfriend just because he spent two weekends in a row with you does not make him feel special. He is thinking you would do this with anyone.
I know you ladies like to save your psychological warfare for bitches you hate, but sometimes you need to do it for the man you like. It’s for his own good. 🙂 And yours.