I know I haven’t been sharing any of my stories lately. And that’s because some ish went down and I had to handle my business. Mr. Traveler, the guy I was dating, and I have gone our separate ways. After that I had some
attention whoring readjusting to do, and then Thanksgiving came, and then I got the fucking flu which forced me into involuntary seclusion. While bedridden and dying, I was visited by three ghosts, I was forced to re-examine what the hell happened and what is going on my life in general. I would have rather died quietly in the middle of the night instead of having my own personal “A Christmas Carol” Moksie style the inevitable soul searching that comes when you are by yourself for long periods of time after a big change in your life.
There comes a point in a relationship where you realize the two of you don’t want the same things out of life.
And it’s pretty much downhill from there. Mr. Traveler was bringing up the M word and we all know how I feel about that. That said, I like to figure out what it is I’m going to be getting exactly in this proposition before I make up my mind.
On a side note, how is it that I end up with this marriage happy bitches? My friends complain all the time about waiting for that ring. It’s like you guys find the bitch who could care less about that and pop the question to her. SMDH. This needs to stop because I am unable to complain about it to my friends without them looking at me like I’m crazy
since they believe that marriage equals love crap.
So this was what he was offering:
1. He wants five kids, which is one of his motivators in making lots of money. So he could take care of them
financially. But no fucking nanny. Excuse me, but who is going to watch the kids when I work out 6 hours a day, a la Kate Hudson style, to get my amazing figure back? Let me remind you folks that he travels a lot for work. So I will be home alone with FIVE kids who don’t know how to make a good mixed drink or carry a decent conversation. Is that really fair? He considered daycare, if I was out of the home for a good reason, like say, working. But why would I work if I’m married to someone with money?
2. He was down for getting a maid once a week, but with FIVE kids, the place is going to be trashed. Now, I could teach my new child army how to clean up
so I don’t have to do it to help build character, but I would have to wait until they would be able to walk and talk and stuff. What would I do in the meantime?
3. My social life would be nonexistent. I would have him and a bunch of
brats beautiful children, to talk to day and night and maybe get a night off, once a month, to see friends. This is unacceptable. Who is going to boss my girlfriends around about all the dating, eating, fashion, and life mistakes they are making? Who is gonna appreciate my bitchy witty comebacks and banter? What about when he is out of town and I want to flirt with someone? Are we going to Skype? Boo. How am I gonna sneak out of the house with the five witnesses kids at home not noticing?
He may as well proposed locking me up in jail with a bunch of savages fighting for immunity in a mindfuck game a la “Survivor”. FOR LIFE. With no million dollar cash prize in sight.
Maybe this is why people marry for love. Maybe that’s a better motivator to put up with all that…
So I evaded all his ‘down the road’ talk and just told him to focus on the present and lets have fun.
Boobs always help in these conversations. Why ruin a good thing with responsibilities and obligations? Then one day he asked me if I took him seriously at all. Was there any reason why I should? If your standards for a girlfriend and wife is just someone who looks good and strokes your ego laughs at your jokes, you have some pretty low standards. And now you want your trophy girlfriend to… be a wife? A real one? How does that even make sense? Trophy wives need to polished and pampered at all times, just like the trophy girlfriend. You think I’m suddenly gonna change because you are offering me a ring attached to five babies? I didn’t want to be mean. I’m a bitch but I’m not exactly cold-hearted. We spent lots of time together and I do care about him. I just care about myself more. But now he is pissing me off. Does he even realize what he is asking? The dire reality of the situation? How do I respond?
“Is there any reason why I should?” I say.
Well, that started the fight that ended the relationship once and for all.
Let’s rewind back to the beginning. Why did I even get into this relationship? I was in a new really boring state, and really bored. And we got along. We were attracted to each other. We had fun together! Sure I will miss him
and all the trips and gifts he paid for. But missing someone isn’t the end of the world. For instance, when you have a big fucking couch in your living room and you decide to get rid of it, you miss it. You notice it’s gone.
But you know you had to get rid of it because it
wanted to turn you into a baby factory was taking up too much space. And over time, you just get used to it not being there anymore. Also, now you’ve made room in your living room for someone who can afford a nanny furniture that suits your home better. So I know as time passes, the feeling of missing him will go away. And now I have all this room in my life to figure out how to be not be so bored and make life more amazing and fabulous for me! And this should keep me from wasting time with charming, rich dudes who want to turn me into a stepford wife in theory.
To wrap up, this is why I think most break ups are easy to do:
You don’t want the same things. If you don’t see the same things for each other down the road, you’re better off parting ways. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better off. I dated him for his lifestyle and company, it’s all I wanted. And I got it. I didn’t want anything else and he wanted that to change. I always knew he was temporary so an end to the affair would be inevitable.