Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):
How do you turn down men at the club? I don’t want to dance or give my number out to some, but not sure what to say so I do it anyway. I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Honey, you aren’t hurting their feelings, only their ego. And it’s their ego’s job to take care of them, not yours, so yes, you are excused from fake wanting to dance/give out your number to them. They’ll live. How many times did you give your number out (to some of these same men) and they never called? Yeah, ego. Not feelings. Just like it hurt your ego when they didn’t call. Not your feelings. Don’t get it confused.
Be honest. Just say ‘no’. Some guys will persist. Just hold your ground and walk away if you must, even if he’s in mid-sentence.
Now for the more persistent guys, I get a little creative. It’s all or nothing with them and I’m gonna make damn sure it will be nothing since that’s what I’m feeling for them (besides annoyance). Here are a few suggestions on how to deal with them based on my years of experiences:
-The old ‘I have a boyfriend line’. It’s a classic. And who cares if he sees you freaking some other guy on the dance floor later? By that time, he’s already working on some other girl.
-Fake name. The girls and I all have fake names and know that when we give that name to a dude, that we are not interested in him and want him to go away. We will instantly yank the friend away from the guy and pretend something more interesting is going on elsewhere and ignore the guy.
-Fake numbers hardly work anymore. Guys are really onto that tactic and with cell phones, they can call you on the spot. But what about a fake identity? I don’t have time for an elaborate backstory, but sometimes when I am drunk, I use character’s names on TV.
Yes, I told a guy that my name was Elena and that I was deeply in love with a guy named Stefan who went to my school. I eventually brought up his bad-boy brother, Damon, and how he kept trying to get in the way because I think deep down he’s really into me. (Yeah. It’s “The Vampire Diaries”.)
My friends laugh when I do this. Either the dude catches on and leaves, or gets weirded out and leaves.
-Distract him. How do you distract a guy hitting on you? With another girl! I will point out an attractive girl out of earshot of us and
lie tell him that the girl has been staring at him all night and is into him. After a few moments, and realizing he is getting nowhere with me, he leaves his original target (me) to go after the ‘easier’ target. Ha!
-Play dumb/deaf. I pretend I can’t hear them or don’t know what they are talking about. Then I walk away.
-Talk like a robot. (Hard to keep up with a straight face for a long period of time with this one).
-Talk about his money. If he tries to change the subject, bring it back to his money. Men either get pissed and write you and your ‘character’ off as too superficial for him, (and more importantly GO AWAY), or they want to be a baller and buy a round of drinks. Win/win.
-Disqualify him with something trivial. For instance, when he tells you his name, say, “I don’t date anyone with that name and I never will!”
“Green is your favorite color??? It’ll never work out with us, yuck!”
“SCARFACE is your favorite movie? I hate guys who love that movie, you’re all the same!”
Whatever the subject is, no matter how small and trivial, you have to act like it’s a life and death dealbreaker that you can’t get past. He will think you’re silly (and not know what to do) and go away.
If you get called out on any of these (which has only happened ONCE!), just say ‘fuck it, I’m buzzed and bored and not interested so I’m having fun’. Just come clean. They will go away after that.
Or you can try this:
It’s your night! You should spend it doing what you want and not wasting your time trying to make some stranger feel better about his desirability, or giving him false hope that he’s getting laid later by you.
If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I will answer in a future blog post.