Ask a Bitch!

Published September 22, 2012 by bossymoksie

Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy situations (questions in bold):

I have a question for you. It’s about the guy I’m dating. I don’t even know if he can be called my boyfriend but that’s how me and my friends refer to him. We have been dating for two years, and he calls me every day. We hang out most weekends, we talk about everything, the sex is good. It’s like we are boyfriend and girlfriend. But he never introduces me to his friends or co-workers that way. (I’ve met most of them and he with mine, even though he doesn’t hang out with me and my friends.) It’s so confusing. And sometimes he talks about other girls. How they flirt with him and are checking him out. It makes me jealous. Why does he bring that up? I don’t know if he is dating them because I don’t even know if we are boyfriend and girlfriend. And my past two birthday parties, he wasn’t excited about. The first one he said he would come and then didn’t and the second one, he came but sat there like it was torture or something. And then he didn’t let me celebrate his birthday with him and his friends the first year. The second year he begged me to come and it was cool. I know he cares about me and wants to be with me but he still goes out on weekends with his friends on the nights we don’t hang out. And sometimes he disappears and doesn’t want to tell me what he is up to. And he never wants to hang out with my friends, so I can only hang out with him alone or sometimes with his friends. We are both 24 years old. I feel like he is only around when he wants to be. It’s so confusing!

Wow, that sounds shitty. Do you feel shitty? You should, because that is a shitty situation. You know that you want more than what he’s giving you, and yet you still hang with him, hoping that he will magically turn into your Prince Charming. Here’s a clue. He won’t. If you’re not sure whether you’re exclusive, ask him. If he asks you why, tell him someone was interested in dating you and you are unclear as to what is going on between you and you need to know in order to make some decisions. DON’T tell him you want to be exclusive or give him an ultimatum. Just see where he’s really at. Then you need to take a step back and see where you’re really at. I know, I know, you want an exclusive relationship and you want it to be with him. But you need to accept the very high possibility that you won’t get both of those things. After you accept that reality, then tell him you want to be exclusive and see how he reacts. If he starts flopping around like a fish out of water, then you have to let him go. If he steps up, then congrats though I doubt you will be happy in the long run and here’s why:

He also sounds selfish. And you sound insecure. He tells you about the other girls to see your reaction. He either wants you to get a jealous to feed his ego, or to make sure you know that your place is not being the only girl in his life. Either way, it’s shitty and dumb. And why doesn’t he want to hang with your friends? Either your friends are really shitty or he is.  Nothing says ‘I’m in a real relationship’ like hanging out with your significant others’ shitty friends and relatives regularly. Either way, you both have some growing up to do. If a guy wants you to be his girlfriend, he will make it known to you. This guy is playing games. He either likes keepin you insecure, or…

He seems to like his space while keeping you on a long leash. Some guys like to string a girl along in a half-ass relationship until they find something better. Or get their emotional needs met while they still get to act single. And if that’s something that is causing you pain, then you need to cut that bitch off like a gangrene infested foot.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section or email me at bossymoksie@gmail.com. I will answer in a future blog post.
If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.
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21 comments on “Ask a Bitch!

  • Good answer. Your “bitchy advice” was pretty diplomatic, actually. I would have just said, “Dump him and find someone better.”

    Even though I have been there before, I have a hard time understanding how someone could stay in such an unfulfilling relationship for years. One thing that I learned long ago was that it might be hard to find a good man, but it was pretty fucking easy to find a bad one, so why stick to just one bad man when there are so many to choose from?

    Wait… I think I think my bitchy advice is turning into just plain shitty advice. But I’m standing by it. It is was more fun to play the field with a bunch of assholes and jerks than to tie yourself down to just one.

    • “Dump him and find someone better.”- perfect advice, but sometimes I need to go through each complaint just to drive the point home!
      Play the field with multiple jerks- lol! That is true, because at least you won’t be under some delusion that what you have is love, like you would if you follow one jerk around. But not many girls can handle juggling multiple jerks, let alone the one.

      • Oh, I agree, Liz. I’m not saying a marriage can’t succeed. My comment was more about the early 20s really being about a time to find yourself, which seemingly, this gal has not yet done, else she probably wouldn’t be in the current situation. You’re right though, everyone is different and it really does depend on the maturity level of the couple and also on their mutual life goals.

      • For a woman, early 20s is a perfect time to settle down. Usually at 23 a woman has her mind just right. She’s out of that attention whore stage that most women go through between 17-22. Most importantly, she hasn’t accumulated any baggage. The longer women wait to settle down the worst it is for them. It’s not like this for men. A man’s stock grows as he gets older.

      • @Reema- I know a lot of girls whose minds aren’t right at 23! Problem is, the longer the girl goes on and keeps dating douche’s and playing themselves, the more fucked up and bitter they get. So I do agree that the older girls get, the more baggage there may be. But I don’t think it’s the age, it’s just the continued bad experiences that makes it worse and harder for them (and less attractive).

      • LOL, Reema. I just wanted to point out that it’s their experiences and mindset as the reason why older women date differently and have more baggage then just ‘oh they are older’ or something. Plus the social pressure of being married fucks with women’s minds so the longer they are single, they have that to contend with too! In your 20’s, you don’t feel the pressure as much or care.

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