Relationship Feel-O-Meter

Published August 23, 2012 by bossymoksie

Real life feel-o-meter!

I know, as I have many a girlfriend, that girls like to analyze what guys say and do until the fucking cows come home. Why did he do this? Why did he say that? Does this mean we’re together? Are we on the same page? Will he call me again? Why didn’t he say anything? What did he mean by that? Does he like me? What does he want? Is blue his favorite color?

Oh God, this could go on all day and all night. And it does. Which is why I don’t do this to myself. It’s just something that goes around in circles until your brain wants to eat itself in hopes that you die and can’t think about it anymore. You’d have better luck figuring out the meaning of life and who shot John F Kennedy Jr.!

A better question would be how he made you feel by his behavior?! This is the ONLY question that should be considered!

If it made you feel bad, then you have to do something about it. And you know what I would suggest. If you don’t give a fuck about his behavior, then you’re neutral and I would suggest the same thing. And if it made you feel good- wait, why am I mentioning this, girls never analyze their good feelings.

I see relationships with men in only three ways. Good. Bad. Neutral. Completely arbitrary and emotion based.

Only three feeling modes needed to determine whether or not to continue relationship: Good, Bad, & Neutral.

It’s the Relationship Feel-O- Meter!!!!! And this is all I really need to know. The rest is just bullshit and a waste of time. If I’m feeling good, then things are all good and we can drift away in a sea of good fun-ness together. If I feel neutral, I may stick around until something, or someone else, makes me feel good. Sometimes I read neutral as boredom, and then I will start some drama that might be fun, but also might not be. Who knows. If I’m feeling bad, then he will know. If he doesn’t choose to fix it, then I will. And he won’t may not like it.

It’s also how you know if he wants to stick around (and is worth keeping!). You only want to be with a guy who respects your feelings. So if you’re feeling bad and let him know, he WILL make amends. If he doesn’t, then he could give a fuck about you and it’s time to move on. Even when he says “I care” but still doesn’t lift one finger. He’s really saying he doesn’t. Even if he says he cares, and maybe really does, but he still chooses to do nothing about it. Then YOU have to care enough to make it right with yourself. And I care. I care a WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE LOT. And he better too or else.

I am 100% interested in ME and feeling good about myself and my life. I have 0% interest in excuses. But you ladies love your excuses:

Friend: “His grandmother’s brothers’ cousins’ roommates’ friends’ dog ran away so that’s why he can’t be in a relationship right now and treat me right. He has issues but our love might get him through it if I hang in there.” Whatever. Sounds like he needs his mommy or a psychiatrist, not some girl he can string along to make himself feel better. Newsflash- you will never cure him. Sorry. That’s all on him.

Friend: “You don’t understand how he makes me feel.” No I don’t. You anxiously obsess over every FUCKING move he makes, cry, rant, keep your eye on your phone (that never rings) for his call, rearrange your whole life so you can catch the few crumbs of attention he’s willing to throw you and have a gray cloud over your head 24/7. This is what you want to hold on to? No, I don’t understand voluntarily feeling that way and why that is so awesome.

Friend: “I’m just insecure. I don’t think I actually deserve him. That’s why I want all his attention all the time.” Bitch, get a hobby! Work on your shit and whatever’s making you insecure. He might actually appreciate you more!

If you’ve got the abs of Harry Shum Jr, the smile of Michael Ealy and general suave hotness of Matt Bomer, but are doing things that make me feel like shit, then you are just not worth being hung up on. Fuck around with, maybe. But never to be taken seriously. If you have a whole bunch of excuses and explanations, it goes in one ear and out the other because guess what? I still feel bad and nothing has changed. And now I’ve got to do whatever it takes something to kill that feeling. Even if it means getting rid of you. Because what matters most is keeping that meter reading at GOOD. And if you’re not helping, then you are just in my way.

I hate it when my friends say, “Oh but he has pretty eyes” or some lame variation. Great, admire them from afar instead of circling him like rejected stepchild looking for affirmation. His stupid eyes aren’t worth you crying all over my couch every weekend and ruining my weekend as well as yours.

Speaking of weekends, right now I’m at the ‘Good’ level on my Relationship Feel-O- Meter because my boyfriend is taking me to New York as a birthday gift!!!! I’ve always wanted to go and now I’m going! High five.


15 comments on “Relationship Feel-O-Meter

  • Your information in this post, although put in a humerous manner, is quite important. Your analogy of women questioning how the man feels is completely correct. My experience has been that if the man makes me feel WONDERFUL about myself and BEAUTIFUL than he is a good man.

    If the man makes me feel INSECURE about myself, than RUN AWAY, AND FAST.

    Don’t usually use caps, but in this case, your subject is an important one. Teens should read this post for sure, (hope it’s tagged with “teen”) All of your posts are a great subject matter for teen readers, or readers dating at any age.

    Glad that you have the meter, so at least you know what you are getting into when you start dating. You and I both seem to get bored easily (we are drama queens). 🙂

  • Was this, at all, directed at me? It’s cool, if it was, cuz I’ll listen to you (and you know this, man!), but, damn, it seems appropriate. I apologize to you for that transgression….

  • It’s funny (and sad.) I always complain about how my friends obsess and dissect what men/boyfriends say to them and cause drama in their own heads, but then I catch myself doing the same thing. It’s a difficult cycle to break out of, but I know that I am trying to. Not a fan of the drama and not a believer in “hidden messages” in what guys say.

    Enjoy your trip! NYC is an amazing city.

  • Leave a Reply

    Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

    You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

    Google+ photo

    You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

    Twitter picture

    You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

    Facebook photo

    You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


    Connecting to %s

    %d bloggers like this: