Mistakes in the Chase

Published August 14, 2012 by bossymoksie
I’m in a follow up mood this week. So this post is refrering my previous post about letting guys do the chasing.

I had lunch with a friend Sunday where she told me about this dude she was dating. Dating is an exaggeration since they had only met once, at his job, as a quick intro after meeting online. His birthday was this past weekend and his family was taking him out to dinner on Friday. He invited her to come along (a same day invite, which is a red flag). Because she had plans already, they agreed to lunch on Sunday. She then mentioned to him that the Sunday lunch was a date and not an official birthday celebration thing meaning she wasn’t paying for the date and he got mad! Yes mad! He invited her out so that she could treat him for his birthday. Remember, they had only met once, and this was to be their first official date. So the date was cancelled! And now she was mad and after our lunch pow wow, she was going to give him a piece of her mind!

I know this is some shit I would pull, and if the genders in this story were reversed, I wouldn’t see a problem with it. Yeah, it’s a double standard. So what. My thoughts here will explain why I don’t give a flying fuck.

But this post is about the chase, and why men should be the ones doing it. So let’s back it up and see where she went wrong.

MISTAKE #1:  She went to his job, desperate to see him. They had been talking on the phone for a few months (?!) so she wanted to see him in person to see if he matched his pictures and if they had chemistry. But for some reason or another, they never could hook up. That was a red flag right there. See, if he was really serious – about a relationship- or truly interested in her, they would have seen each other already.

FRIEND: “But, he was busy. I was busy.”

ME: “I don’t care, he would’ve found a way. He would have made time.”

FRIEND: “Even if my schedule was busy?”

ME: “Even if he were in a freak accident and had crutches and an eye patch, he would have found a way to limp his ass over to see you and look at you with his one eye!”

If I were talking on the phone with a dude for a few months and we never saw each other, I know we never will, unless it’s convenient bootie call for him. But she wanted to make things happen and initiate the contact. We see how that worked out for her.

MISTAKE #2: She then begrudgingly admitted to me that the weekend before they were supposed to meet up. She told him when she would be free that weekend. He calls -on the same day- and invites her to go bowling. Which was nice because she likes bowling, right? Wrong. He called her at 8pm on Friday night. See what he did there? He waited until he had done every other interesting thing that day, and now that the night was rolling in, he was alone, bored, and possibly horny. THEN AND ONLY THEN he finally got around to inviting her out. She didn’t go, because she has a life and plans, but her mistake was thinking that it was a thoughtful gesture. It wasn’t. He wasn’t thinking about her all day, he thought about her when he had nothing better to think about. Which isn’t saying much.

FRIEND: “But he said he’s spontaneous and likes being that way.”

ME: “He spontaneously likes thinking about his penis and not you. The first date should be planned ahead of time, not the night of. At least the first date!”

If he really wanted to see her, he would have booked her a few days ahead of time TO MAKE SURE. That’s what men do that are really on the hunt. He’s not gonna risk you being busy. Spontaneous is something that should happen later, like sending you flowers at work or showing up at the airport, or busting out a new sex toy. But you ALWAYS KNOW YOU WILL SEE THAT BITCH SOMETIME. Spontaneity should never include whether or not you’re ever gonna see him. Come on!

MISTAKE #3: This isn’t a big one but I wanted to address this. I would not have brought up the ‘who’s paying’ thing, and when the check came around, I would be looking at him to pick it up, with my evil eye waiting if he even thought about pushing the check my way. I think a part of her knew he was looking for a free meal and that’s why she said something. That said, she should have made the date on a separate weekend from birthday weekend to avoid that awkwardness. Also, I don’t want to hang out with you if I don’t know you on your birthday like that. WTF is wrong with you that you don’t have a bunch of friends and family lining up to spend time with you on your birthday weekend? Why would you want to spend it with some chick you met online and met once for 15 minutes in person? Oh, because you’re a horny loser looking for a free meal. If that’s all you have to do for your birthday then I feel sorry for you!

See, she was doing the chasing and accomodating, while he did- what? Call her and text her. That’s it! Then he sat back to see what he could get.

What mistakes do you think she made, if any?

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32 comments on “Mistakes in the Chase

  • Wow. He sounds special with that whole birthday thing. Agreed, 100% on the chase. I may have to provide this link to some of my friends — will save me from having this convo for the 3rd or 4th time.

  • Inviting women you just meet to your job is not a good look. You should never schedule dates on a weekend night with a girl you just met. Never do that until you guys are banging on a consistant basis. Why are you inviting a girl to dinner with your parents? That sounds simpish as hell. I agree with the third mistake. You should always pay for the first date. That’s why you should just go for a few drinks. Keep your first date tab under $30. This guy obviously has no idea how to deal with women.

    The mistake she made was even talking to this guy after he invited her to his birthday.

    • Ha ha ha! Wait Reema, you pay for dates?! I thought the PUA’s were against that? Most people date on on the weekends though! But they definitely shouldn’t have met at his job. What is that? He was seeing what hoops she’d jump through. And I think he invited her to that dinner because his family was paying!!!! He’s not poor either, he owns his own business!

      • Well I’m not a PUA so I don’t have to worry about that. That’s a question for Kenny. I’ve never had any issues with paying for dates, I just do it in a strategic manner. I know everyone does dates on weekends, that’s why I don’t. Well in the beginning at least. After a while, I will do something on the weekends. I would need to know a little more about this dude to go any further on that. I always tell men to NEVER go to a group function with a girl you just met because usually she’s trying to get some other guy she’s sleeping with jealous. I don’t know if men do the same thing though.

  • I feel for your friend. I, too, have an inner fantasy world where we make excuses for other people because we are being considerate *cough* I mean completely irrational. (I actually just wrote about something similar on my own blog)
    I feel as though it is a common problem among women in this era to feel the need to chase. I secretly wish we could go back to the good old days where men were not only expected, but mandated to be the pursuer and all women knew their place, and that was to only encourage men was a sultry look over your fan. Yeah fan flirting and I would get along…
    Anyway, I appreciated the post, and you sound like my friend who always points out the flaws in the bad guys I manage to find.

  • You are totally right. NEVER chase a man!
    he’s too busy, doesn’t call, calls at last minute = “he’s just NOT that into you” (I just read that book.) He screams – loser! I’d never hang out with someone I first met for my Birthday – It really says something about this guy.

  • I love this post and the one you referenced that you posted earlier. All of this is true and I’m glad you are able to express it in a way that makes sense and is humorous. Every girl wants to be chased and dreamers like me sometimes think that if you give the guy a little nudge – a text, a flirtation of some sort, he will come around and realize how in love with you he is and you live happily ever after. Yeah right 🙂

    • Yes! That’s it! But (most) men don’t need nudging. If they want more from you, they find a way. And they don’t have to be super aggressive by nature. Flirting is fine, but you should never have to bend over backwards and go wayyyyy out of your way to ‘help’ him. He knows what to do. I’ve seen this happen so many times.
      Thanks for reading!

  • Love this! I agree 100% about the mistakes — he sounds like a big loser and certainly not worth her time. My favorite truth is that if he wanted to see you he could have been in an accident, on crutches with an eye patch but he would have made a way to make it happen. If that’s not true I don’t know what is. Women get too needy and whiny and shit and then go out of their way to make excuses for a LOSER.

    • You’re welcome. I read the quote-abridged version and liked it. Basically if you have any doubts and aren’t sure what’s going on, he’s not that into you. When a guy wants you, you have no doubts about it!

  • I grew up in a culture where it is awkward for women to approach men. My mother has always told me and my sister this rule. We don’t call them. They call us. We don’t visit men, they visit us. If a woman visits a man at his house, his parents will get the impression that she doesn’t have any manners. To this day, I still adhere to this rule. If a man likes me and doesn’t have the balls to ask me out for a date, then boo hoo. If you’re not going to approach me, I’m not going to either. I don’t want to look like a desperate, attention seeking whore with no manners. It’s okay for women to initiate contact and plan dates at sometime but men should always be the ones putting in the effort. If a man isn’t putting in any effort and I’m always the one calling and making plans, it’s time to lose him. I don’t got the time to be carrying large boulders on my back while he sits back and does nothing. To me, it just doesn’t feel right, as a woman, to be initiating contact or arranging dates all the time. If a man doesn’t text me first, we’ll never talk, period. I don’t mind texting first once in a while (only if I haven’t seen or talk to him in ages) but I’m not going to be the one texting first all the time. If a man wants to talk or make plans, then he should grow a vagina, and know damn well to pick up the phone and send a text or make that call.

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