Why I Don’t Believe In Chasing Guys

Published August 1, 2012 by bossymoksie

I don’t like chasing guys. I’m pretty used to them chasing me no matter how lame they are, so it’s not something I have to worry about or do. But the subject does come up with my friends as they contemplate chasing dick down their next boyfriend.

I don’t believe in that because:

A) If the guy is too shy or inexperienced to come after me, he won’t know what to do with me once he gets me, which isn’t fun for me. I’m not trying to be the training wheels for somebody. I’m not going to sit here and wait for you to figure out how you’re gonna treat me. Make a decision and go with it. It doesn’t guarantee success, but doing nothing definitely equals failure!

Nothing’s worse than being with a guy on a date who can’t speak, is twitching, and can hardly even eat. It makes me feel like I’m some alien cyborg about to torture you and your whole family before destroying the planet Earth. I’m not a freak. Just a hot chick. Also, it’s boring watching you try to get the nerve to say ONE FULL SENTENCE to me. wtf. Or you verbally vomiting for two hours while I try to get as drunk as possible just so I can stand being in the same room as you. You shouldn’t even be allowed in public.

Even when they can at least carry a conversation, they don’t know when to make a move or how. I could be lying there stark naked and legs open and they’re still like, ‘uh, so you want to do it now?’. Who has time for that? Isn’t that why you asked me the fuck out in the first place!!!! Now you got questions like you’re not sure what is going down right now? Pass.

B) When you chase guys, you never know how they feel about you. Usually I can tell by their actions, but if I’m being the aggressor and doing 90% of the work and he’s just going with it, then I can never know how he feels and how much power I have. You would think a power tripper like me would LOVE to take control and tell him what the hell to do every second. But it’s actually not as interesting or as powerful as it sounds.

Once I had a HUGE crush on a guy and I asked him out and set everything up. He was cute, funny, and sweet. He just sat back and took whatever I gave him. So while I blah blah blah’d about the most interesting things in life, I had no idea whether or not he liked me or how much. And I didn’t like it. What fun is it to torture a guy with hair care talk if you don’t know whether he’s paying attention to said torture  or pretending to because he likes you so much??? I had a great time on the date, but I would have had an equally great time with a cardboard cutout picture of Matt Bomer. I could basically just drag him around in a relationship like a rag doll, but I’ll leave that to the Kanye Wests’ and Christina Aguileras’ of the world. After the date, I waited for him to contact me and chase after me. He didn’t. Fucker. I ran into him months later and he said I had dumped him. But in reality, he doesn’t got it like that I had only stopped chasing. I was tired of doing everything, and he got lazy and used to it.  And that shit gets tired especially in the bedroom.

Matt bomer

Hello, honey, let’s spend the rest of the night talking about you.

C) I’ve seen many a friend chase and nab her man. And he went along with it. Until he met someone he wanted to chase, reanimated himself and dumped my friend at the curb. And then they are all confused. She did everything, why would he want to leave? Because he was just a placeholder for you, and you were one for him! And I’d seriously rather have a relationship with a cutout cardboard picture of Matthew Bomer than be in a relationship with fucking placeholder.


65 comments on “Why I Don’t Believe In Chasing Guys

  • Lol social anxiety while out on dates.

    You should send your dates over to me before hand,so I can whip them into date-ready shape with some advice on being socially aware and not cardboard cut outs.

  • For me the game is about cooperation. Chasing after women is just unnecessary energy. You really don’t need to do any of that. This is why I always tell men to just give women their number and tell then when to call you. If she calls, then she’s cooperating and you can take it from there.

    White Collar is one of my favorite shows. That dude is gay in real life FYI

  • I know he’s gay. But it doesn’t matter if it’s a fantasy. I’m not gonna ever meet him! Hater :-
    Reema! You and your 100% cooperation. I’m not sure how that approach would go down with me, I guess it would depend on the chemistry. I do like that I would know that you would pick up the phone and have your undivided attention, right? Right?

    • When you have a certain energy and a certain confidence, women feel that. They want to be a part of that. That’s what I mean by cooperation. My energy and confidence bring women around who are only bringing 100% cooperation. They can tell I’m not the dude to fuck around with…Of course you would! You know I’m all about respect

  • I love this! I definitely don’t have the time to chase anyone around — partially because when you’re being chased, you have the upper hand, and also because if I like someone and feel like I’m putting in more effort than him, I will back off.

    I have a friend who has been chasing an ex of hers — I told her they could both be better. Neither are crazy about each other and your placeholder comment really hits the nail on the head.

    • A relationship is with two people, but if one person is doing most or all of the work, that isn’t a real relationship in my book. Why even be in one then? (unless you just want to delude yourself into thinking you are in one?)

      • I agree completely — and they are so wonderful when people are on the same page! I have been seeing someone for a few months and it’s great that we are both equals. It’s probably the healthiest situation I’ve ever been in and as a result, I’m always so happy and giddy with excitement!

  • This is the 21st century. Forget about the customs of previous generations–adapt to the changing times when women and men are equally capable of initiating conversation with each other. Did I mention it’s the 21st century?

  • Initiating a conversation isn’t the issue. Being able to particpate in one is though! I didn’t say that I wanted to sit in the corner of a room in a corset, giggling behind a lacey fan while the guy entertains me. As I said in the comments, a relationship should have two people interacting and participating. Otherwise, why bother?

  • I think it’s fine if a girl chases, and the relationship could turn out well. But, like reema said, the guy has to cooperate with it. Just because she chases or initiates the escalation, doesn’t mean he will be passive. There’s this girl that I’m fairly sure is into me, but I don’t care to make any moves (mostly because of my whole situation). But, if she still is visibly pursuing me once school starts, I’ll go ahead and tango along 😀

    • I have to ask why you will tango along though? Because she’s there? If you really wanted to be with her, you would! (Unless, you are waiting because you just want time to process your previous situation).
      This is one of my points, if a girl just keeps popping up, a guy will just go along with it if he has no other options.

      • Why should the guy have to really like her? I think going out and having fun would be a way to get to know each other, so she can decide if she actually likes me, and I can see if I like her. It’s very rare to have two people equally attracted to each other at the same time, but dating can help equalize this by building up attraction (or tearing it down).

        I look at it the way I see regular relationships: the guy likes her and tries to woo her, and they see if it will work out. In this case, she’s the one who has displayed attraction, and I would be going along with it to see if there’s the chemistry/potential.

        The big problem is the girl has to let go if the guy doesn’t step up soon enough, and I think that would be hard for a girl to do. But if she can set up some sort of time limit (one month tops), then I think it would increase her chances in having a nice relationship without being fixated on one guy for too long, if he’s not up for it.

  • Great Post. I agree totally! Men are meant to chase or hunt the woman and besides a man should have a certain level of confidence. He doesn’t have to chase in a manner where he looks desperate but enough to let me know he is not afraid of all of this! LOL

    • Exactly. Women who constantly pursue the guy for a relationship are just playing themselves. I’ve seen this so many times. Rarely it has worked out, and that’s mainly because they both settled. I also believe the way a man approaches says a lot about how the relationship will be!

      • Again I agree. I can think back to a few relationships and how they started and the way they ended too. My granny always say how you go into a relationship is the way it will end…hmm

  • Yeah, I never have a ton of interest in a girl who chases me. It’s never happened to me of course. But I took some time and imagined it after reading this post, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like it.

  • Hey there, chick! Just wanted to let you know that if you’re ever laying in my bed, stark naked, with legs open, the questions will be kept to a minimum.

    You OK?
    Can you handle another go?
    What do you want for breakfast?

    On the real, keep up the good work!

  • There’s a reason women are drawn to the whole hunter instinct and its there to improve the species. The second I feel the need to chase a man, he gets dropped from my contact list.

  • Chasing is never good idea, there only one end result you fail. You either do not get what you chased for, or you get but never on your own conditions, which is fail again.

    It is much better as a man to be persistent, escalate and create opportunity for her to come along and be ok with whatever she chose yes or no.

  • Holy shit! I am laughing so hard I am cramping up!

    “You shouldn’t be aloud in public.”

    That is the funniest damn sentence I have read this week. This is the funniest damn blog I have ever read!

      • My man is trying to get me to chase him and we are married. Does this make any sense? We are currently separated.Please don’t say you are sorry, because the break is sooo nice! Am I able to put this on for the advice column?

        Seriously, he is trying to get me to call him, he won’t call me etc. If he thinks I am chasing anyone around town, he is crazy. Shouldn’t have to chase my own husband, or call him, because he won’t call me.

        Screw that! Too much like work for Liz. 🙂

  • I was talking about this with a lady at work the other day, she reckons men are hard wired to be the chasers. But surely there are some happy couples out there who got together cause the woman was the pursuer?

    • I’m sure that’s the exception to the rule. If you say or think that’s possible, then ALL women will think it applies to them in every case, just so that they can take charge of the situation and somehow be attached to the guy they want. But the reality is that most men will come and get you if they really want you.

  • Exactly! I prefer to be chased than be the chaser. Everything lasts longer when the man is the one doing all the chasing. Why chase someone who doesn’t want you or doesn’t know what he wants? If a man don’t got the balls to tell me what’s up or keep up with me, then boo hoo! I’m out. I don’t got the time to deal with men who doesn’t know what they want or feel. Why put in any effort if he’s not even putting in any effort? Many women make this mistake all the time. They think that putting in extra effort by doing things to please him will make him stay and little do they know, it doesn’t work that way. People don’t do things to please others, they do it because they want to. I admit I had made these mistakes in the past and I did learned from it and as of today, I stop being the chaser. That’s a man’s job. If he wants me, he can come after me. If he doesn’t, and wants me to do the chasing, F that. No deal. I’m just going to hit the gas pedal, Fast and Furious style and leave him in the dust.

    • LOL! I think when girls do a bunch of nice things (including sex) in order to ‘get’ a guy it’s not a good thing. Most guys will just go with it even if they don’t want the girl, and then chase after the girl they really want.

      • When a woman does something like that, it tells a man that she doesn’t have any self respect or self worth. It also says she’s hideously insecure and has a low self esteem. She’s only taking it out on herself to getting used and abused and it’s sad that she doesn’t realize it until she gets a clear rejection. Just like your nice guys blog, people just don’t realize that it’s their own fault for sticking around when they already know their love interest isn’t interested and when they end up get hurt, they play the innocent victim and blames the other person for stringing them along, although they had the choice to move on but they didn’t, instead they hung around in hopes of getting their chance when they know they don’t stand a chance.

      • Oh YES to your whole comment! It’s like this unspoken thing people don’t want to accept. ‘Nice’ people sometimes dig their own graves in this situation.

  • lead lead lead lead AND LEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THE GOD DAMN FUCKIN’ LOGIC AS TO WHY TAKING THE LEAD IS A MASCULINE THING!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?, seriously it pisses me off so god damn much on life and reality for being this way I feel like beating up a girls boyfriend out of jealousy and anger, because i’m hating on him for the success that I want.

    Seriously, I hate, despise, loathe gender roles with a huge raging passion, I feel like making a guy squeal like a puppy if he dares to question my masculinity by telling me to “grow a pair, man up, be a man”, seriously I hate how life and society expects us guys to toughen it up all the damn time, be god damn strong!!!

      • I believe they do exist but those girls are very rare, but still, what is the god damn logic behind why taking the lead is a masculine thing?

      • I’m guessing it has something to do with the link between aggression and testosterone? Personally, it’s just smart for me to step back and watch the guys actions because that’s how I can tell what he really wants from me and who he really is. Talk is cheap. So I don’t lead, I may give feedback and input and see how he handles it, but that’s me.
        If this is a subject that really bothers you, then you should read up on it and learn where the genesis of that began. Knowledge is power. 😉

  • how does taking initiative, taking charge, taking the lead, taking control, making the first move and doing the approaching, asking out, give us guys power? you girls still have the final say, all you girls have to do is say Yes or No, that doesn’t take much social effort, a socially-awkward introverted girl has a much better chance of getting a date or relationship than an introverted socially-awkward guy does at getting a girlfriend since girls don’t have to make the first move or approach first and start conversation

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