Matchmaker, Matchmaker Leave Me the Hell Alone!

Published July 25, 2012 by bossymoksie
cupid's arrow

Keep your damn arrows to yourself.

I hate it when friends/family/nosy well-meaning strangers want to play matchmaker. I was visiting a girlfriend last month when guy friend of hers came over. And of course he was interested. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. It was all in his eyes. He seemed like a ‘nice’ guy, which as you know, is a turnoff. He was okay. I wasn’t looking for a replacement for Mr. Okay. I needed Mr. Anything Else But Okay. Before he came over, she was telling me how she’s this genius matchmaker (they all say they are) and great at pickin guys out for her friends (which I’ve never witnessed). Lo and behold she selects this guy. She calls me the next day, all excited, and says that guy wanted to see me again the following weekend.

What was your process dear, that he walked into the room? Nice discernment you got there. But if I were that desperate, I would already be with someone, let alone wouldn’t have gotten rid of Mr. Okay in the first place.

 Girls People just assume that because you’re single you are sad, lonely, and desperate. Maybe some of YOU are but I actually enjoy being single. I like the freedom. I’m cool with it, I have hung with my single self and I like it. What I hate about 99% of most alleged, self-proclaimed matchmakers is their ‘reasoning’ that you will automatically be attracted fall madly in love with anyone who is…wait for it…also single! Wow what matching skills you have! I am so amazed. You should do this for a living! Yes! We are a match made in heaven!!!!!! That’s all it fuckin takes! That pisses me off so much. Did you take into account any of our interests or personality traits? Or how much money he has and is willing to spend on me? Or what either one of us likes to do in our spare time? Or how we feel about flourescent swim trunks? What kind of matchmaking is that?

Just because you like me and you like your friend doesn’t mean we will like each other, let alone want to sleep with each other. Got it? Good.

The only matchmaker that I would ever let set me up is Patti Stanger. And I know you’re not surprised that she’s the ” Millionaire Matchmaker” with her own TV show. Even then, I would take it with a grain of salt and a side eye.


7 comments on “Matchmaker, Matchmaker Leave Me the Hell Alone!

  • The beauty about being single(for me)is that we can freely fornicate and bang chics all over the place.

    So a single guy has it good,and he isn’t seen as sad and lonely,opposed to a chic who cannot go banging every guy(without a social backlash).

  • The only thing I didn’t like about people setting you up was the fact that it mad shit awkward. You don’t have to hook me up. Just bring the girl around and if I’m feeling her, I will make it work. Me and my friends have a NO reserve policy. No one can reserve a girl ahead of time. Everyone go out and have fun and the women will choose who they want!

  • This is how it should be. Why don’t these ‘matchmakers’ just do as you suggest: invite both of you out to group settings and let the magic (if there’s any) happen? Otherwise they just need to keep their mouths shut.Oh and I hate it when women call ‘dibs’ on a guy. The guy is gonna like who he likes. Girls are so drama and possessive about that. Even when the guy has no interest.

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