8 Reasons Why Jerks Are Attractive

Funny because it’s true.

I’ve gone on and on about how much I despise the whole nice concept in dating. But now I feel obligated to address the jerks! We can’t ignore how attractive jerks can be. And thus, I must write out WHY we mistakenly think jerks are what we really want to date.

1.They are honest about their selfishness. If they want a sammich, they will tell us. A blowjob? They won’t keep it a secret. Time and space to themselves? They’ll let us know! Boys night out, undeserved praise,  anal, your self-respect, cash, your house, your little sister, etc. The list is endless and they are NOT shy. Whatever they want, they’ll ask for it, and like a genie, we’re expected to deliver. In fact this is 99% of what we’ll hear from them anyway- their requests and needs while never asking about ours unless it’s to use it to their advantage. We know we will have to give, and give, and give, and give…and get little, if anything, in return. But hey, at least we feel needed! Added bonus!

2.They  hide their insecurities and blame everyone else for their faults are confident. Their ego’s are so delusionally protective big that they laugh in the face of rejection. This makes them smooth as they have learned that charming us is just enough to hold us over when we figured out they have nothing of value to offer us, or the planet. They know how to say the right thing and when. They have to. They’re jerks. How else will they be able to blind us distract us enough to keep us around and simultaneously at arms length. They literally are using the idea of what we want against us without actually giving it to us. We tell ourselves that one day he will magically deliver what was promised implied and we will live happily ever after. We also assume, since their arrogance confidence is so abundant, that they must be comfortable with their weaknesses or gotten rid of most of them, only to be faced with them in all their pain inflicting ways glory much later down the road when we are far too attached to be completely turned off by them.

3.We appreciate the sweet gestures so much more. Because they are so far and few in between it is a big deal when they actually do something nice and thoughtful like bring us dinner they had leftover from their other bitch or  take us on a trip that is for work so you spend most of the time by yourself in the hotel room. Much like giving a puppy a meal after starving it for three days. That puppy is forever grateful for that one meal and is still following you around…like… a puppy.

4.The obvious: low or no self-esteem. We know from the depths of our souls think that no one else wants us, or is willing to pay attention to us. Or we have nothing better to do with ourselves because we don’t have the esteem to do what we really want, so the drama is a great distraction! Which leads to:

5. Never a dull moment. Forget personality or a connection. These guys know those things don’t matter which is why they never let us get close. Because they can keep us on our toes with anxiety excitement. Is he gonna call (ever again)? Will he finally remember my birthday? Will he actually show up to – (insert big, important event or function here)? Will we ever go out on a date in public? Will he finally put me first? They always keep us in suspense. (And in doubt and in self loathing and in depression…)

I’m not moving an inch until he notices I’m upset…which could be days. Hopefully my leg won’t cramp this time.

6.They are really aggressive and we mistake that for intensity and passion for us.  They want all our attention when it’s convenient for them. When we try to push them away, they always return. And even though we are deathly afraid of them disappearing on us, curiously enough, they never seem to. They are always there when they have nothing better to do! And we think no one will ever be that into us like this unrelenting guy who treats us like shit.

7.They completely, utterly, whole-heartedly accept us for who we are on their own terms. No need for self-improvement or self-reflection! Because someone out there in the world conditionally loves and accepts us. And that’s better than nothing. (Not really.)

8.Since the dawn of time, women have been told, and have said, that all they want is a man, some chirruns, and a big house for them all. But some women are actually terrified of that shit just like most men are. It means growing up, but worse yet real intimacy WHAT IF YOU MAKE A MISTAKE AND PICK THE WRONG DUDE!!!!! Then you are miserable for eternity or until you can find a good divorce lawyer and be shamed by everyone who went to your big fancy wedding and bought you all those great, expensive, unnecessary things! Since we ourselves are emotionally unavailable and scared, we will date a jerk so that we can ingeniously blame the jerks for our bad luck in relationships, all the while just telling anyone who will listen that we just want to be loved dammit! This way, we can hide the fact that we just don’t want that love and marriage and a real life crap right now or ever. After all, we know what the problem is in our relationship. The jerk! If you date a non-jerk, then you’ll feel bad when you dump him at the side of the road with his heart and a wedding ring fitted just for you. Forget the guilt and bring on the drama filled jerks!

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