So far, I’ve stated that being nice isn’t being real. Also, it’s not the key ingredient in winning dates or relationships. And now I’m gonna talk about how the dating game is chock full of dishonesty in the name of niceness, and WHY! You already know why, but let’s hop on this magic carpet ride anyway and bring it home.
dishonesty niceness: Exhibit A
Why do we resort to nice instead of keepin it real?
I blame social conditioning. Society (this includes family, media, friends and even dudes we date) has these rules women are supposed to follow to seem like a lady worth dating. We are conditioned to put others before ourselves, and to keep our mouths and legs shut. And to like it that way. This is for ‘protection’
of our virtue. Maybe for-score and 1800 years ago that advice was still bullshit sage but it’s a new world now.
Men can be selfish, go after what they want, and look out for number one. Hell, it’s expected and respected. But when a women does that, she is a bitch (or insert any other ‘negative’ deragoratory term here: Selfish. Whore. Narcissistic, etc.)
Here’s a clip of my favorite character from this masterpiece movie classic, CRUEL INTENTIONS, re-iterating this point.
Women are held up to different standards. Otherwise known as double standards. So next time you men think your woman is acting weird, illogical, or irrational remember this! Because we are not
a pet a doll a chair robots, we still have to somehow go after what we want, even when society tells us we shouldn’t want certain things or can’t have them. So we learn to be passive-aggressive. Indirect. And even (subconsciously or consciously) dishonest. (I know gross generalization.) And I’m not just talking about sex. This applies to careers and friendships too!
Men generally learn to lay it out on the table and move on. Meanwhile, we learn to publicly file divorce on your ass while you are out of town working and when you finally arrive to the divorce party all tardy, have a detailed list of terms and demands
along with a list of your secrets you don’t want to get out waiting for you neatly on the table. All arranged behind your back of course. Then when men have to interact with women, it’s like ‘shit, there’s a whole new way of doing things going on here that I wasn’t prepared for!’
Niceties, pleassantries, diplomacy never equals intimacy. It’s the kiss of death to real intimacy. The whole point of dating is for love and acceptance of self. And how do we do this? We play games???!!! Nice-ness is a socially conditioned construct. Somewhere along the line, women are told that in order to be loved and accepted we have to be nice and be perfect. Fuck. That. Say what you want about me, but you will know where you stand.
I’m not saying men don’t suffer from this as well in the dating game. They’ve learned to be
manipulative passive-aggressive to deal with with these social rules that women are told to play by. Can guys truly be honest that they just want to hit it and quit it? Or that they don’t ever want to marry you? That they are with you because they are too comfortable and insecure to leave? Or because they don’t want to be alone? Or that, yes, your butt does look fat in those particular jeans? No. Hence the games and dishonesty.