This post was inspired by a comment exchange between SocialKenny and myself on my post WHY WE REJECTED YOU. Actually it’s gonna be three posts, so this is the first
rant installment of my thoughts about girls (and guys) being nice, especially in the dating scene. I hope there’s a flow here but there’s no guarantee’s because it really fuckin annoys me.
This is what I hate about being ‘nice’. People who act nice are doing what they think they should be doing. You think about what miss manners would do and what you should do, instead of what your gut says. You start second guessing. Guess what, your gut has your back. It’s lookin out for you. You know who isn’t? Anyone else. But you listen to anyone else and you start doin shit you don’t even really care about doin but it’s ‘nice’ or ‘good’ or someone 6 years ago, on TV, said it was the right thing to do. And you don’t want the other person to feel bad so it’s okay if you feel a uncomfortable or go out of your way, or put yourself at risk, or feel bad??? You know what? Fuck that other person. Next thing you know, you’re married with 2.5 kids with a white picket fence and a sensible husband and wondering why you feel like a zombie coked out emotionless bitter nosy gossiping bored loser. Because you did what you should.
I could really give a fuck about anyone else at work. I’ve got dates to juggle, nail appointments to schedule and hair techniques that always must be improved upon in accordance to weather and event. Shit is on my mind. But if I wanted to be nice, I could strike up a conversation and find something out about someone besides myself.
(Or use the conversation as a distraction to help get these work hours over.) There are two types of people at work. The worker-bees who are too busy to chat, and the non-workers who have no life and want to tell you their life story. Neither one of these bitches really care whether or not you talk to them. So why would I even want to be nice? You talk to the busy bee and they snap at you. You talk to the monologue queen and you’re bored to tears. It’s a lose-lose. So instead I be honest and don’t talk unless I have something I really want to say like, “Move out of the way, I’m trying to clock out. Please”.
Your date wants you to pick a place. To be nice you pick some cheap, standard place that you don’t really like. You have an okay time because you didn’t really like that place. See how you screwed yourself and him? Now you will think back to it as an okay date, when he wanted to wow you. Let yourself be wowed. Don’t be nice about it. Be yourself. That’s what your date (hopefully) wants to see. Shit, even if he doesn’t wanna see it, he needs to!
Your boyfriend doesn’t wanna wear a condom but you don’t wanna get pregnant. Or get a disease. But he was being really cute and sweet that day so you decided to be nice and reward him. Nine months later you have a kid and sweet guy is nowhere to be found. What is so great about being nice!!!??? Instead, be honest: “Hey you are sweet and cute and all, but you are sooooooo not worth losing my figure/free time/free spending money by having your kid.” Or: “You’re really funny and fun but I don’t think getting herpes simplex will help my future hook ups after we part ways.” You gotta lookout for #1. YOU.
But you wanted to do the right thing? Be nice? Put someone else’s feelings before yours?
Nice and sweet is good when it’s genuine. But don’t do it because you think you fucking should.
More to come…
2 Sequels to this post: