So once in high school, I had to work on this group project thing. There were six of us. The meetings after school turned into mini- orgies parties. Because people started to couple up. And I was left with the nerd. He wasn’t quite a nerd. Just scrawny and little funny lookin and ironed his pants. And that so wasn’t happening. Well one time we were all hangin out and the other couples just decided to make-out. In front of everyone. So it was just me and nerd dude watchin the other couples. I jokingly told him that we should take a corner and hop on it. His prude ass then literally got up and sat on a different piece of furniture like I was about to molest his ass or something. He wasn’t even cute! He should be so fuckin lucky. And I was joking! It’s one thing to have a guy you like run from you, but to have someone you could give two fucks about try to protect his virtue from you was just like entering the Twilight Zone.
“What’s your problem?” I asked.
“Nothing, I just like this chair better.”
“No, you moved over there for a reason.”
“I just wanted to sit in the chair.”
I don’t know what Koolaid he was drinking, but he was high. Don’t get ahead of yourself and assume that just because a girl is talking to you (and is forced to for group project!) that she wants your dick. Unless you are an Adonis. Do you know how to tell? (Obviously not). Did adults always talk about how much of a heartbreaker you would be when you were five years old? Do girls seem to follow you around? As in when you show up at the bar/club/lunch cafeteria/PE class, are there always girls in plain sight around you, hoping you notice them? Do women spontaneously orgasm when you walk into the room? No? Then get over yourself, and be thankful for the reality check. Here’s another test. Look in the mirror. Then go on google and search for the Old Spice guy. Look at him. Then look at you. Which one do you suppose women would rather hop on? (hint: not you.) Glad that’s settled. And IF you were so lucky for me to be attracted to you, and for some godforsaken reason you didn’t feel the same, why did you jump away as if I had leprosy? Way to be sensitive to someone else’s feelings, dick. Smooth move dickasauraus, I can see why the ladies are crawling all over you. Let me point out that that was sarcasm, in case your curiously inflated ego didn’t catch that.
This was truly a surreal situation for me. Usually I am the one fleeing. And I know the more I deny that I wasn’t even even interested in that person, no matter how witty and biting I am, the more he will think that his delusional was true! Please. So instead I called a very hot guy friend over and made out with him. And the nerd had to watch do everyone’s assignment to save his GPA.