Religious dudes are just like any other dude. Horny. I love it when they preach to me about the Bible and righteous living. Because your actions tell me how righteous you really are. One time, I met this dude from Belize at a party. He was cute. We exchanged numbers. As we talk on the phone to get to know each other, he tells me that he is religious. He lectures me on my drinking, bitchy, gluttonous way of life. Whatever dude.
He invites me to a family barbeque. This should be good. We go and have a good time, I meet all his family and bible thumping friends. He then asks if I can stay the night. Flat out. But he has church the next morning so I’ll have to leave early. Unless I want to go with him. Hell no.(pun intended). So I say, sure, a smirk on my lips. When we go to his place, I make sure to tuck him into bed. Like a little baby. It wasn’t what he expected.
“Well, you gotta be rested, for God.” I tell him.
He tries to squirm his arms from under the blankets to pull me in bed with him.”God would understand.”
“Would he? Would he? I mean we aren’t married. I know I’m a heathen but the bible says that much.”
“It does, but you don’t have to follow every rule word for word.”
Mock horrified, “I thought you were righteous! You were really showin’ me the way you know. Let’s cuddle in honor of God instead. Then you’ll be all nice and rested for church tomorrow.”
He is too drunk and lets it go.
Needless to say it didn’t work out.
Oh and he was on time for church the next morning.