Ask a Bitch!

Published June 16, 2012 by bossymoksie

The doctor is in!

Where I answer your questions about love, life and hairy, awkward, difficult, uncomfortable, lousy, unacceptable situations (questions in bold):

Remember that hot, bangin’ girl? Well her boyfriend’s back in town. I’m trying to forget her but she keeps showing up with her boyfriend in places we hung out. What should I do? This sucks.

You fell in love with her like a dumbass. When her boyfriend finds out you fucked his girl, which he will because any self-respecting, drama-avoiding cheater would keep her boys far away from each other, he’ll kick your ass and you’ll be over it. Hopefully. Live and learn.

I have one of those names that has a unique spelling. Even my grandfather doesn’t know how to spell it, much less friends. I always feel weird correcting people, especially if we’ve been friends longer than 3 months. How do I get folks to get my name right without embarrassing anyone?

Bitch, the only way to get them to remember is by embarrassing them. Preferably with nudity involved. They won’t forget then.

What’s your advice on a coworker who constantly takes subtle digs on you at work in front of your clients, your boss, or other coworkers? For example, the other day she asked me when I was leaving…trying to sound all nice like she was asking me about future plans…but really she was asking me why I was still around, implying that I wasn’t needed anymore.

Because it’s a workplace you have to be direct to get respect. So say, ‘If you want to tell me to get lost, just say so, I know you don’t care about my plans and I don’t care to tell you. Just like I don’t care to catch you looking at porn in your office. Again.’ Then leave.

I met a guy. He’s really nice and cool but his front teeth looked really big and fake so I didn’t wanna kiss him. Am I being superficial?

Yes. But you’re not the only one terrified of kissing a large horse grill of teefs on a man.

I was dumped by my boyfriend of three years by him saying, “I don’t see myself marrying you”. Wtf?

Wow what a dick. He did you a favor cuz now you’re not stuck with his blunt ass for the rest of your life. Now you can find a dude who can make all your puppy dog wishes and my little pony dreams come true and tell you it’s him, not you, if he dumps you.

If you want my bitchy advice, please ask away in the comments section. I will either answer it there or in a future blog post.

If you don’t want my bitchy advice, you might get it anyway.

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