Sense and Sexability

Published May 3, 2012 by bossymoksie

I read the whiny/self-pitying/woe is me manifesto of beauty from Samantha Brick. Here is the link to it in case you didn’t hear about it:

My unsure smile betrays me. I’m beautiful bitches. I think.

I am so confused as to why she even wrote this. She was either A) Trying to prove how amazing her looks are by the effect it’s had on men and women to pump up her ego. Or B) Doing hard hitting journalism that being beautiful is NOT what it’s cracked up to be so the uglies can feel better about being ignored all day and going to sleep alone at night (therefore, opening the door for her to finally have a female friend who will let her make-out with their future husband be a bridesmaid at their wedding. )

Let’s address.

A) As much as I like me some bragging and braggarts (like Kanye West, or any other successful rapper. Or Brit Brit. Or any other successful pop star), she is a poser. I don’t even have to look at her picture to know this. You don’t have to prove your hotness! If you’re hot you know it. It’s called swag. It would’ve jumped off her picture from her eyes and body language and what would’ve jumped out at you is, ‘I’M HOT BITCHES’. We wouldn’t even need the article, cuz we would be so entranced by the picture that we wouldn’t even notice the words below it. Instead she looks like a shy mother of three posing for a Sears portrait. This is how you work it, honey.

I’m hot bitches! You can see it in my eye.

Even if you’re not so hot, all you gotta do is act like you are, and people will automatically fall in line. This was not full out bragging though, this was a disguised attempt at bragging. If you’re gonna brag, Samantha, go all the way. I know you’re British but, fuck humility. She should have taken a page out of any rapper’s song book and just bragged her way through that article with metaphors of how great looking she is.

Also, why is she complainin about dudes givin her free stuff? Take it and run, bitch! What this bitch also doesn’t realize is that men are hitting on her because she has a vagina. It’s a numbers game. They want to get laid. You are flirtin with them. They think they might have a chance. It’s not that personal. Most hot tricks (especially ones that get approached A LOT) know this. Except for Samantha Brick, apparently.

I think she has mad flirtin skills and she should’ve written an article about that. Cuz I’ve seen men and women get everythin and anything with some good flirtin. Why do I think she’s a good flirt? Cuz girls want to be friends with hot/pretty girls. You’d have to be a real insecure, desperate bitch (who’s great at flirtin and attention stealing) for them to not want you to be around their menz (boyfriend/husband/crush/stranger they spotted 2 seconds before you and called dibbs on even though he’s clearly not interested).

B) Let’s just call bullshit on this one right now. As if being hot would ever feel bad. People will never feel sorry for pretty people, so her attempt, if that’s what it was, is futile. It doesn’t matter if they were molested as a child, beaten by their husbands, or lost family members in a tsunami. And especially, especially if you’re not able to make female friends. Bitch, you beautiful! You will always have attention to do what you want with! You can get laid anytime you want. You have better selection of the opposite sex! You want someone with money? Done! You want someone who collects figurines? Done! You want someone who stuffs dead animals and has a foot fetish? Done!

As much as I love me a vain bitch, this one just has no sense. And no one likes a complainer who complains about something that everyone else wants, especially when that bitch don’t really have it. Samantha was probably just bored one day, after sifting through the tons of gifts and drinks given to her by the men of the world, and then threw up this article out while speaking gibberish to her husband. Because as she knows, when attention whores pretty people talk, everyone listens.


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