Third Wheel

Published May 2, 2012 by bossymoksie

I know that first dates get a bad rap from people, including me, but for the most part, I like them. Everything’s new and fresh and exciting and not spoiled by reality and disappointment. For all I know, you are the man of my dreams. I could get a car outta this. I could get a big rock. I could get a lifetime supply of shoes, or laughter. And I love meeting new men, it’s like getting a cereal box and wondering what toy surprise is inside. Whatcha gonna get? Dopey, richey, chatty, charming, sex on legs? You never know sometimes until it’s too late. In the least, I could have a rockin time. And really, that’s what a first date should be about; fun (aka buying me shit) and not bursting the bubble of reality that will sneak up on our asses and clock us in the throat eventually.

It is not, however, a time for you to multitask entertaining your family by bringing your older, but thinks he’s still young, cousin along.

First of all, that’s a bold move, son. What if I had hit it off with your cousin and we left you in the corner while we made out by the bathrooms? And while I did hit it off with the wealthier, more bitter, and delusional cousin, I thought he was too old bitter to get down with. I really should’ve been thinking about how I could work both these guys without it turning into an orgie situation but instead I was just weirded out by my dudes’ blatant lack of seducing skills and willingness to just fuck it all up and throw it in the trash can of wasted and forgotten dreams, prom dresses and unwanted babies. He wasn’t even trying.

Dear Men of the World- you have to at least PRETEND you give a fuck on the first date. At least on the first date! Do you hear me??????? Damn!

This dude was so out of his league it wasn’t even funny. And honestly, I think it’s why he brought his cousin along. He didn’t even know what to do with me now that he had convinced me to go out on a date. We basically had a babysitter with us. I am appalled for playas everywhere because of this dude. It was like the training wheels of dating (do I have to mention this dude was in his mid-30’s? I think I do).


3 comments on “Third Wheel

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