I always imagine a good date would be having a fancy dress given to you, being flown to another part of the country or world, and watching an opera that makes you cry, even though you don’t understand a word of it because it’s in another language.
Maybe I don’t have much of an imagination, cuz that’s a scene from “Pretty Woman”. Still, this is what golddigging dreams are made of. I mean, a dude that’s rich and handsome AND falls for you AND you fall in love with him too? A girl can dream (or rent the movie on Netflix).
So you see that I have certain expectations last year when I went out with this actor. Actor is actually stretching the truth because he was basically a well-paid and well known (on sets) extra. He could still get into all the events and parties and had money. And he was cute. We met at an event I snuck into. It’s sometimes easy to sneak into events when you’re hot because everyone always wants hot girls around. For some reason it makes the event seem more fun or happening. Even though we don’t really say or so anything. They just want us around. Like wallpaper.
Anyway, the actor asks me out and lets me pick a place. I go home and google a brunch place with the best mimosa’s for brunch. We go. We laugh. We have delicious mimosa’s. He seemed cool, even if I didn’t understand what he was talkin about sometimes. I blamed the mimosa’s. After brunch, he decides that he’s not ready to let me go. He wants to take a walk. I don’t mind burning off the bacon and bread I ate. We go outside and I suddenly find myself in some back alley with dude tryin to get affectionate. Um how did it go from this:
As he tries to put his hands around my waist, I say “Excuse me”, and step back. “Why are we in an alley?”
He pulls away. “I just wanted to get something out of my car. It’s down there.”
“Go ahead. I’ll wait here.”
Dudes amaze me. What also amazes me is that some girl probably just went with this bullshit. Wow.
“Do you wanna smoke some weed in my car?”
What are we, fifteen? That’s something you do on Halloween or Sprink Break, not a fancy schmancy first date. WTF! Seriously, how did he go from Richard Gere in “Pretty Woman” to Dave Chapelle doing his crackfiend impersonations?
“Okay”. He shrugs.
We walk and talk some more and end up at a random spa to get massages. Now that’s more like it. And then we lived happily ever after.
Not really. We talked a few times after that but as it turns out, the mimosa’s weren’t the reason why I couldn’t understand him. He was probably high all the time. And sold weed. Which was why he was a rich actor extra. Oh well, we’ll always have our awkward alley moment.